Dealing with the soon to be elderly.

[Guest Astra900]

My father in law may not be what some consider to be "elderly" but he is becoming a real problem. He's in his mid 60's and is slowly but surely loosing his mind. AND he carries daily! He says things and tries to start a fight about things, then later says he never said any of it and tries to start a new fight over that. He's prone to violent mood swings that have gotten physical with inanimate objects, he has yet to get physical with any flesh and blood yet. I stress yet. He's still relatively capable of living his life. He goes to town and handles his affairs, but the family sees what others do not.

He tells total strangers things like how much money he has saved and how many guns he has. THat alone should tell you he's nucking futs!

He's always ruled his family with an iron fist and as such, the family still bows down to him. I have told everyone it's time to stop. It's time to get him some help before he hurts himself or someone. His temper and wild mood swings just landed him with ANOTHER heart attack and bypass surgery. I see the stress in the lines of my mother in laws face. He's killing his family, and he doesn't care. We've all talked to him, and it only makes him madder. He says we are the problem not him.

I don't look at it the way the family does, I think he should be locked up and treated. Some days, I'd just rather stomp his wrinkled ass and bludgeon good sense back into him. YEAH! don't lecture me on that, I know you can't do that.

Getting back to his guns. He can't load any of his long guns with out help. and his pistols are my real problem. Do I remove the firing pins or maybe replace his ammo with dummy reloads? He carries a 9mm auto, but never chambers a round. He has been know to wave it around and start bitching about stuff! He claims the fact that he doesn't keep a round chambered makes it okay. The next time he does that I'm going to tackle him. If I disable his guns he will eventually find out, if goes out to shoot them. If I disable them and he gets into it and tries to use it, it will cost him his life, which will be blamed on me. I feel like packing my stuff and finding a little one horse town in Montana, and starting over but my wife won't come with me.:rant:Damn stupid family ties!

THanks for reading my whinny sob BS. Any opinions short of killing him are welcome. {God knows I've thought about that too! Just kidding....}

[TGO David]

Anonymous tip to the TDOS asking them to review his carry status due to mental incompetence might be worth a shot. I hate to deprive a person of their right to defend themselves, but this sounds like a justified case. When a person becomes a liability to others, it's time to act.

[Guest Astra900]

Like a dumba22 I mentioned that to my wife. Now if it happens, I'll either have to lie, or she will know I did it. GOD! I was stupid for telling her, because that's a great idea.

Sad part is, he'd probably pass! He knows everybody, and knows how to shine on for a stranger and get his way any time he needs to. I wanted to do this with his drivers license because he's a frickin mad man on the road.

[Guest superdrew4000]

C'mon man, always lie to your wife.

But on a serious note, good luck with the situation. That is crazy messed up. Sometimes doing the right thing isn't going to get you a parade. Or a warm bed to sleep in.

It might seem easier to ignore the situation for conveniences sake, but how would you feel if you got the call that your father in law had shot some clerk at the Kroger's because he looked at him funny. Might wanna ask your wife how'd she would enjoy visiting her father in jail.

[Guest GT_Rat]

Sounds like he might be in the early stages of Alzheimer's.

[Guest Astra900]

Sounds like he might be in the early stages of Alzheimer's.

Absolutely! You want to see a real war? Mention that word in this house.

Personally, I think his biggest problem is not something anyone can help him with. I think his biggest problem is fear. I think he knows, because all BS aside, he is a very smart man {poorly educated} but very smart.

I think he knows, and it scares him. I think he feels helpless and defenseless.

I'll never understand it though. Even some of the toughest of men have been reduced to a sniveling coward when faced with their own mortality. I don't understand that; THe book of Matthew 6th chapter 27th verse: "Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit to his stature? "

Why people obsess over things they do not have the power to control is beyond me. I suppose I am a cold heart piece of . Death is a natural part of life. It's not the end, it's the beginning of a whole new journey!

I have told him to stop worrying, live your life. It only makes him angrier. So now I avoid him like the plague. I try to go as long as possible without ever speaking to him. It seems to make us both happier.

[Punisher84]

I would just leave it be or tell the authorities. Not much you can really do without making "the family" angry. That has to be a personal decision. When my Grandfather started going downhill I just told him that I was taking the guns and that Mom had hers and that was enough.

He didn't like it, but he couldn't fight it either. Hope it all works out for ya buddy.

[Guest TnDeerHunter]

Sounds as if this needs attention quick. Ask your wife how she will feel when he is harmed or heaven forbid he shots someone maybe even a family member. Another thought is if he goes off on the right person loaded firearm or not he is looking at some serious legal issues and expense.

[Guest GT_Rat]

I doubt it's death that scares him but the fact that he's slowly loosing his grip on reality. He looks up and suddenly finds out he doesn't know how he got where he is and can't remember anything that happened in the last 10 minutes. For someone who has spent his life "in control and in charge" that's a hard thing to deal with.

[Guest nraforlife]

I would just leave it be or tell the authorities. Not much you can really do without making "the family" angry. That has to be a personal decision. When my Grandfather started going downhill I just told him that I was taking the guns and that Mom had hers and that was enough.

He didn't like it, but he couldn't fight it either. Hope it all works out for ya buddy.

Hate to be blunt but it sounds like the man needs help and the family needs to be responsible enough to seek it. Sounds like either he gets it or he is going to kill someone and/or himself. If the family doesn't act, by removing his guns, or calling Adult Protective Services or some other agency, the family is setting other people up to be hurt or killed.

The family will get over being mad or not but certain things really need to be done sooner rather than later.

[VERO1]

Maybe consult with his physician and let him know whats going on. Possibly he made need meds or an adjustment of the ones he ocurrently taking. Possibly the Dr. could rat him out for you to the HCP people.

[Smith]

As a pastor I deal with these things rather frequently and each one is unique and different. What most of these men struggle with is not death but the feeling of being helpless or a burden. Often they overcompensate with aggression as a way to try and reassert in their own minds they can still command respect and strength. The other response is usually a deep depression. His generation is one that fears weakness more than death. Death would be a release for most of them.

That being said I would as delicately as possible take the threat very seriously. While he would probably never intentionally do harm to others, he is very likely to harm himself and other's in the crossfire. Whether the rest of the family agrees or thinks they same as you, you must do what is right. That doesn't always make you popular, but if you do it humbly and with love for him it will work out in the end. Sometimes losing the immediate battle is the only way to win the war. Keep this in mind what the scripture says, "be as wise as the serpent and harmless as a dove."

[Guest Astra900]

Maybe consult with his physician and let him know whats going on. Possibly he made need meds or an adjustment of the ones he ocurrently taking. Possibly the Dr. could rat him out for you to the HCP people.

Yep, and he told his physician to go to hell.

Keep this in mind what the scripture says, "be as wise as the serpent and harmless as a dove."

You are right of course, but he makes me so made I'd rather "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee"

[Bigiron]

Recently wwent thru this with my FIL. In seven years he went from a brilliant neuro surgeon to a shell of a broken old man. Research alzheimers on the internet. Print it out and make the family read it. It is a horrible disease, and there is no cure. The anger and violence will escalate. Incontinence will begin. Short term memory disappears. There is a real danger he will harm himself or others. Take those guns, and avoid a tragedy. I will pray for all concerned.

[Guest Astra900]

Recently wwent thru this with my FIL. In seven years he went from a brilliant neuro surgeon to a shell of a broken old man. Research alzheimers on the internet. Print it out and make the family read it. It is a horrible disease, and there is no cure. The anger and violence will escalate. Incontinence will begin. Short term memory disappears. There is a real danger he will harm himself or others. Take those guns, and avoid a tragedy. I will pray for all concerned.

That's just it. We all understand it! We JUST went through it with another family member. She has since passed away, but we went through several years of it. We already know the horror of it.

[DWARREN123]

Not afraid of death, he is afraid of living and not being who he was. A hard thing for most who had to work and fight for what they have.

Something needs to be done but I am all out of answers today.

Good luck on this!

[Punisher84]

Astra,

If you need to talk I'm here buddy. I say with a last few hours turn of events that has left me fairly out of sorts. My Grandfather pretty much raised me and is now suffering from dementia. For those of you that don't know I run campus security for one of the major hospitals here in Memphis. My grandfather is now in this facility and due to his behavior and acting out is a low grade risk. I.E if he hits a nurse, etc.

I had to explain to him tonight that he had to stay, couldn't leave, etc. I was kind and loving, but firm. I just had to deal with it like I would any other patient. Anyway doubt any of that helps, but thanks for listening to my rant. Like I said I'm here for ya.

[towerclimber37]

I can completely understand how you feel and the trepidation you must go through every time you think about it or have to interact with that fella.

The Sermon8r is right...those guys fear death less than weakness.

If he told his doctor to go to hell...well..thats when it's time to explain to the matriarch (his wife) that things need to be done for him and she's the one that needs to do them. explain to her that the doctor has recognized it, everyone in the family recognizes it as well..but says nothing.

don't go for the hard sell every time. The only way you're going to change their mind is when you get across to them that you're doing it out of love. Otherwise they will just look at you with distrust and ignore what you say.

[Buzz]

My grandfather had Alzheimers also. It was a terrible tragedy.

He had guns. He had a car. There came a time when both of those had to be taken away from him for his safety and the safety of those around him.

You've got to take his guns away. Doing anything else would be irresponsible. Otherwise, the person that winds up with a bullet could be you, your wife, or some other innocent person.

[wjh2657]

I'm 65 and exhibit none of the characteristics you mention. I still run an on line State Guard Officer and NCO Academy, and I am still active in leadership positions in my community. The behavior you describe is not usually normal in the mid to late 60s. It sounds to me like this gentleman needs some medical evaluation as there is more wrong than just age.

Remember too, mean young men just turn into bitter old men. However some of the things you mention make it seem more than just this.

For all of you who are ready to start taking cars and guns away from 60 year olds, just remember, there are a bunch of 16-25 year olds out there that think that nobody over 45 is competent to drive or have guns!

Humor aside, you have some serious "talkin doctor" work to do here. My heart goes out to you.

[towerclimber37]

I'm 65 and exhibit none of the characteristics you mention. I still run an on line State Guard Officer and NCO Academy, and I am still active in leadership positions in my community. The behavior you describe is not usually normal in the mid to late 60s. It sounds to me like this gentleman needs some medical evaluation as there is more wrong than just age.

Remember too, mean young men just turn into bitter old men. However some of the things you mention make it seem more than just this.

For all of you who are ready to start taking cars and guns away from 60 year olds, just remember, there are a bunch of 16-25 year olds out there that think that nobody over 45 is competent to drive or have guns!

Humor aside, you have some serious "talkin doctor" work to do here. My heart goes out to you.

I don't think this is an age thing..humor aside. I know older folks that are sharper than I am..which isn't hard to be...I'm generally known as a blunt instrument in the circles I go around in..

I think you're right though, when you say that this is more than old age.