is it a good or bad idea to let a 14 year old visit her mom in jail?

[enfield]

There are plenty of good people who have gone to jail for making a poor decision/decisions during moments of weakness. Hopefully she will be able to make good come out of the experience.

There are plenty of good people who have gone to jail for making a poor decision/decisions during moments of weakness. Hopefully she will be able to make good come out of the experience.

Quite a few people have gone to jail for doing the right thing. It's dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

[Tncobra]

I would not want a child visiting me in jail.

[NoBanStan]

I say let her visit. There can NEVER be enough reinforcement of the consequences of "bad decisions". That goes not only for all people but especially those at that age.

 

Brilliant. It's as if you have common sense!

[Dolomite`s Breezy]

I can't imagine why any parent would subject their child to this.......

Better yet, you seriously need to reconsider the repercussions of staying married to a convict.


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I would hope you say that because you are young:).. I tell you what..if my husband makes a dumb ass mistake.. and he is in jail.. you bet I would stay by him.. with all my heart also..NO QUESTIONS asked :) That is love  :)

And yeah i would let my children into the jail to  see him.. he is their father.. not some monster who is inhuman and doesnt make any mistakes..

[Shepherd Master]

I would hope you say that because you are young:).. I tell you what..if my husband makes a dumb ass mistake.. and he is in jail.. you bet I would stay by him.. with all my heart also..NO QUESTIONS asked :) That is love  :)

And yeah i would let my children into the jail to  see him.. he is their father.. not some monster who is inhuman and doesnt make any mistakes..

:)

[LagerHead]

I must have missed the part where the OP was asking for marital advice, but I will say I admire the folks that can judge the totality of a marriage that includes a child from just a few paragraphs. I wonder if you can also give me financial advice. I need money. That's apparently all you need to know.

 

As for the OP's actual question, I visited my brother in jail for the better part of his 8 years in state prison. Sometimes I even took my daughter, who wasn't older than about 9 or 10 when my brother was released. It really isn't that big of a deal. Expect to be thoroughly searched and have to obey more rules than you can count, but otherwise it's just a family visit that often includes buying sweets and drinks (depending on the facility) and possibly some card playing, etc. Sure, it's not the ideal situation, but it is easily workable. Especially at your daughter's age, the visiting isn't the part that is going to be hard to deal with. I would wager that, if anything, it will be a net plus. Nothing can replace the parent/child relationship, even if it's not a perfect one. 

 

As for folks that are condemning this woman for what apparently amounts to a misdemeanor, you have to realize that folks do things for myriad reasons. Of course there are the stupid mistakes all of us make, but then certain conditions, such as bipolar disorder can make a person do things they would never do normally. In fact, financial disasters are a not uncommon outcome of that specific disorder, so I would caution you all to be careful casting judgment on someone you've never met, especially when the situation is passed to you secondhand.

Edited October 13, 2015 by LagerHead

[TGO David]

I can't imagine why any parent would subject their child to this.......

Better yet, you seriously need to reconsider the repercussions of staying married to a convict.


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Going to jail for a financial crime is neither minor nor comparable to an accident.....


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Logical fallacy aside, you gonna stick by your wife if she commits murder? Wouldn't she need you most then??

Or, are you going to think about the other person that may need you most.....the child.


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And, to be clear, bouncing a single check does not land one in jail.........


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You sound like a guy who has never made a mistake.  Please tell us what it's like living a perfect life.  Does it get annoying having all of those people following you around asking you to show them how you walk on water or change water into wine, or do you leverage the modern advances of social media and demonstrate the miraculous via YouTube?

 

Because, buddy, if you think you are so far removed from the possibility of ever having to walk in the shoes of the OP, you might be setting yourself up for a big dose of karma.  There's  an old saying a friend of mine was prone to utter in cases like this:  There, but by the grace of God, go I.

 

How many more rocks do you have in that pile behind you to throw?

[CommsNBombs]

I think it is a good idea - at the end of the day it is your wife and the mother of your child.

Dumb stuff happens, the most important thing to reinforce is that she is not a monster (as society depicts people in jail) and still loves her.

My best friend's father is in Rikers for another 25 years - he has been there since before Desert Storm, he stabbed someone to death who assaulted his wife when she was pregnant with my friend. We visited him a few times - after all a crime does not wash away family ties. Being in prison does not make your some depraved monster, quite the contrary in his case; but I digress.

Either way it will be a good learning experience and might bring you closer as a family - standing by your loved ones in tough times is the epitome of a marraige. I applaud you. It may not seem like a big deal to some of us, but with society like it is today most people would have "cut slingload"

Years down the road I am sure your daugther will also appreciate the situation.

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[MacGyver]

You're definitely not the first one who's dealt with this stuff.  As such, I would guess there are some good resources out there to help you guys as a family unit through it.

 

It might be worthwhile to seek the advice of a professional.  Not to mention that it might be nice to have someone who can help your daughter process the things she's feeling,

[FTE]

You sound like a guy who has never made a mistake. Please tell us what it's like living a perfect life. Does it get annoying having all of those people following you around asking you to show them how you walk on water or change water into wine, or do you leverage the modern advances of social media and demonstrate the miraculous via YouTube?

Because, buddy, if you think you are so far removed from the possibility of ever having to walk in the shoes of the OP, you might be setting yourself up for a big dose of karma. There's an old saying a friend of mine was prone to utter in cases like this: There, but by the grace of God, go I.

How many more rocks do you have in that pile behind you to throw?

Stealing isn't a mistake. And, there are legal implications of living with an ex convict that the OP may need to consider.

More importantly, the welfare of the child is critical, and seeing mom is prison stripes may not be the positive thing so many here think it would be. The prison may have resources available to families to help with that decision.




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Edited October 13, 2015 by FTE

[FTE]

Do we know it was a misdemeanor????? The OP has already opened another thread asking some very important legal questions.


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[Omega]

Do we know it was a misdemeanor????? The OP has already opened another thread asking some very important legal questions.


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I haven't seen anything referencing what the charge was; but even so it changes my opinion very little if at all.  Unless the crime was against the spouse or the children I don't see it as a problem.  When you get married, you do it for better or for worse; but I guess some don't take that as seriously anymore.

[teecro]

Wouldn't it feel weird for her to see her mom in a jail jumpsuit or whatever? And other inmates and the guards? That's the main thing I worry about

 

Yes it is going to be weird.... Who the hell would expect it to not be weird? But you are both the Husband and the Father and should behave in an Adult manor here.... To be truthful depending on the quality of parenting received some 14 year old children behave better and show more maturity than some of the adults who command a keyboard....

Edited October 13, 2015 by teecro

[buck1032]

I haven't waded into this thread till now, so here is my take. If your 14 y/o is well adjusted and hasn't been a problem child, let her see her mother. I saw my dad in jail many times, well before her age and a few times after her age. Again it should be up to how you feel your daughters maturity level.

[Shepherd Master]

I've been arrested three times. 

 

First was a gun charge in another state and was an A misdemeanor, fine plus 1 year in jail. Dismissed. 

 

Second was a felony assault. Unfounded by DA. 

 

Third was a DUI. Convicted. 

 

I've been clean and sober for 16.5 years and not one lick of trouble since. However, I should have been arrested a dozen times prior. 

 

I had a rough life, made my bed and slept in it. I own the trouble I caused and got into. 

 

Stupid people do stupid things, the smart people clean up there messes and never return to it. 

[Hershmeister]

Wouldn't it feel weird for her to see her mom in a jail jumpsuit or whatever? And other inmates and the guards? That's the main thing I worry about

Yes but it will be even weirder to not see her mom (and her mom to not see her) for half a year. I assume your wife loves your daughter, and if she does not visit Your wife will be very lonely, and could develop resentments that last well beyond the 6 months

[Dolomite_supafly]

They will not discuss how the jail works while you are there visiting an inmate.

[Garufa]

I am going to take her. Just need to find a good time



I hear in addition to seeing her mom, she can also learn a lot from a visit. What are the main things she can learn. How jails and law enforcement work?

By the time you're done asking questions your old lady'll be out of prison.

[teecro]

You should close this guys account, we are being trolled....

 

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Parenting-Teens-12-17/Should-I-allow-my-daughter-to-visit-her-mother-in-jail/show/2014681

[teecro]

Some date back to 2013

 

http://community.policeone.com/ask-c...ion-right.html

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Parenti...l/show/2014681

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/foru...who-is-in-jail

http://isitnormal.com/poll/should-i-...n-jail-214490/

http://www.thelaw.com/threads/should...situati.57188/

http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...it-to-visiting

http://www.city-data.com/forum/paren...er-mother.html

http://www.huntingchat.net/forum/sho...ir-mom-in-jail

http://forums.menshealth.com/topic/s...e-officer-said

http://www.firearmstalk.com/forums/f...o-jail-116093/

http://www.corrections.com/forums/7/topics/17739

http://www.taurusarmed.net/forums/lo...-who-jail.html

http://www.thefirearmsforum.com/thre...n-jail.151965/

http://www.survivalistboards.com/sho...d.php?t=404110

http://www.offtopicz.com/threads/is-...in-jail.78783/

http://www.handgunforum.net/general-...ls-better.html

http://gingerbread.org.uk/forum/mess...x?TopicID=8084

https://www.reddit.com/r/ExCons/comm...other_in_jail/

[buck1032]

Wow, good net skills teecro!

[teecro]

Wow, good net skills teecro!

 

Just got lucky & curious.....

[TrickyNicky]

good catch Tee. I had my suspicions as well, OP and I went back and forth via PM for the better part of a few hours when he posted this. I typed out multi paragraph responses, he would send back one or two sentence. It got really old really fast, but, I don't want to be the kind of guy who tells someone in crisis to pound sand, so on and on the game went.

 

 

OP, if you are reading this, go piss up a rope.

[Omega]

Same here Nicky, I wonder if this is a bot?  One of the posts has the same question as one of the PMs.  If it is a bot, I wonder what the end game is?  What does the IP trace to?

[raildog]

I'm right there with you guys would answer the question in to the best of my knowledge and would get one or two liners back after a couple of hours it was done