Revenge in Spades

[EssOne]

A guy posted this on FaceBook today and I laughed myself silly over it. Yessir, payback can be an eelray itchbay for sure.

 

“Today something terrible happened to me. I sat down on a toilet that had the seat left up by a careless male; Me.  In 34 years on this planet (for nearly 17 of which I have habitually used a toilet) I have never done this. Truthfully, I had always wondered why women got so upset over the issue. But, as I plunged a##hole-deep into the ice cold drink and felt the sting of freezing water kiss the back of my sack, I came to terms with the treachery in not replacing the seat to a down position. I’m now working on a livid bruise that doubles as a tramp stamp and am conjuring the courage needed to admit I was gang raped by germs. In fact, the smearing of my fresh butt cheeks down the inner bowl not only left my a## covered in enough bacteria to cure ebola, but made it to number one on my short list of “gross #### I shouldn’t ever do again” and I’ve accidentally drank my own p### while camping.

 

 All I can think to say to women everywhere is;

 

I’m really really really….SORRY.”

 

 

[peejman]

:rofl:

 

 

My wife and I came to an an understanding fairly early on.... the lid is always closed.  That way, we both always have to open/close something. 

[teecro]

:rofl:

 

 

My wife and I came to an an understanding fairly early on.... the lid is always closed.  That way, we both always have to open/close something. 

 

LOL .... I started doing that on my own so long ago for that exact same reason... Plus I hate seeing someone else's skid marks!

[jughead]

women that gripe about the seat left up should be glad we pick the seat up instead of using it with the seat down. as far as this old man is conserned they can get over it.

[E4 No More]

Never got ANYONE not looking before they sit down...period!

 

Hello? The seat goes down for you easier than it goes up for me!

[gregintenn]

Wanna really pizz your wife off? Tightly stretch a piece of saran wrap over the bowl, and then let the seat back down. :rofl:

 

If she don't look at the position of the seat, she'll never see the saran wrap till it's too late.

 

We have a "leave it like ya found it" policy here regarding toilet seats. Sort of like gates.

[vontar]

I won the arguement years ago,  I put it down and force her to lift one.

[mikegideon]

My response this weekend... "I don't bitch when you leave it down." Didn't work. Probably wasn't even worth the effort.

[Gun Smith]

The skeptical side of me wonders if the Facebook post was actually written by a clever woman.  They do things like that, ya know.

[RED333]

Out in public I raise the seat if there is not a wall unit.

Am I the only that will admit at home I sit to take a wiz?

Now I do wiz outside way more than waste water.

Much more relaxing and 9 out of 10 times I am taking a dump any way.

[Oh Shoot]

.....

Much more relaxing and 9 out of 10 times I am taking a dump any way.

 

Seriously, that would mean significant and chronic dehydration, unless one is crapping like 5 or more times a day.

 

- OS

Edited August 18, 2015 by Oh Shoot

[teecro]

Out in public I raise the seat if there is not a wall unit.

Am I the only that will admit at home I sit to take a wiz?

Now I do wiz outside way more than waste water.

Much more relaxing and 9 out of 10 times I am taking a dump any way.

 

During the day I stand but for years if I wake up needing to take a leak I sit down so as to not be bothered with controlling the aim....

[mikegideon]

During the day I stand but for years if I wake up needing to take a leak I sit down so as to not be bothered with controlling the aim....

 

Y'all stand back! There's no telling what this thing's gonna do when I turn it loose  :rofl:

[Handsome Rob]

Out in public I raise the seat if there is not a wall unit.
Am I the only that will admit at home I sit to take a wiz?

As seen on the back of a cludgy door in Cabelas, Sydney, Nebraska.....

[teecro]

Y'all stand back! There's no telling what this thing's gonna do when I turn it loose  :rofl:

 

Well yeah that's the problem when afterall they do got a mind of there own.....

[Clod Stomper]

Bravo Sierra. If it's too hard to notice what position the seat is in before sitting, then you asked for it. Especially on a public toilet. WhoTF sits on those bare-arsed anyway?

Ya basty nastard.

Yup. Written by a vengeful broad.

[Wingshooter]

Wanna really pizz your wife off? Tightly stretch a piece of saran wrap over the bowl, and then let the seat back down. :rofl:

My cousin and I did that to my grandparents once when we were kids and visiting for Christmas. I still feel bad about it. It wasnt pretty but certainly effective. Yeah, we got in trouble :rofl:

Pranksters we were Edited August 18, 2015 by Wingshooter

[BigK]

I lower the seat when I'm done...one less argument to have with the misses...but after 20 years of complaining, she still won't put the fresh roll back on the holder instead of balancing it on the empty one...life's not fair, LOL.

 

 

BTW...my best bathroom prank ever was unrolling a few feet of paper and drawing a spider on a sheet and rolling it back up. She's deathly afraid of spiders and I never heard the end of that one.

Edited August 18, 2015 by BigK

[RED333]

Seriously, that would mean significant and chronic dehydration, unless one is crapping like 5 or more times a day.

 

- OS

I never said that many times a day, I am healthy.

[runco]

There is no winning, I was screamed at for leaving the lid down once, I guess when you have to pee and its 3am and dark, and you have to go, you go, but the splatter sure does go everywhere.

[Spots]

I solved this when we moved in. I use the main bathroom in the hallway. 90% of the time I leave the seat up. She uses the one in the master bathroom off our bedroom. Seat stays down. Same with the shower, sink etc. That way she doesn't get to bitch about beard hair on the sink, or anything else.

Sent from the backwoods

[Clod Stomper]

I solved this when we moved in. I use the main bathroom in the hallway. 90% of the time I leave the seat up. She uses the one in the master bathroom off our bedroom. Seat stays down. Same with the shower, sink etc. That way she doesn't get to bitch about beard hair on the sink, or anything else.

Sent from the backwoods

This is it. Someday I will build a house. And we will have separate bathrooms.

[Wingshooter]

I solved this when we moved in. I use the main bathroom in the hallway. 90% of the time I leave the seat up. She uses the one in the master bathroom off our bedroom. Seat stays down. Same with the shower, sink etc. That way she doesn't get to bitch about beard hair on the sink, or anything else.
Sent from the backwoods

That's what we do too. What happens in her bathroom, stays in her bathroom. What happens in mine, stays in mine. Lol. It's worked great for us for many years. Although, I always put the seat and lid down on any toilet I use anyway. just habbit

[rmiddle]

This is it. Someday I will build a house. And we will have separate bathrooms.

 

We have 3.5 Bathrooms in this house and there are 3 of us.  I pretty much have my own can it is nice :)

[R_Bert]

Meh.  My toilet has a light when I open the door.