Three Rooms in Hell

[vontar]

Three Rooms in Hell

 

A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing on their heads on brick floor The guy says "no, let me see the next room." In the second room, people are standing on their heads on a wooden floor. The Guys says that is better, but says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with shit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick this room." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!"

 

[I am Groot!]

There is not a cup of coffee or danish made that will get that taste out of your mouth.

[enfield]

Old jokes never die.

[deerslayer]

Three men are shipwrecked on an island inhabited by an ancient tribe.  The chief tells the three men the island is sacred and has now been violated.  They must choose their punishment--death, or bula bula.  The first man asks, "What's bula bula?"  The chief only says, "You must choose."  The man says, "Well, give me bula bula."  His hands and feet are tied, his pants are pulled down, and he is bent over a log.  Ten tribesmen take turns sodomizing him.  The chief turns to the second man and says, "You must choose."  The second man, distraught, finally says, "Well, I don't want to die.  I guess I'll take bula bula."  His feet and hands are tied, his pants are pulled down, and he is bent over a log.  Ten tribesmen take turns sodomizing him.  The chief turns to the third man, who immediately says, "You don't even have to ask, just kill me."  The chief raises his spear above his head and yells, "Death by bula bula!"

[vontar]

another classic.

[Caster]

Obama dies and goes to hell. Satan says, here's no room but you ain't leaving so I'm gonna let one person go and since I'm the king of making deals, I'll let you decide who I let go and you can take their place.
Room one, Al Gore getting fried by the sun with no ozone protecting him.
...Obama says, no not this one.
Room two, Ted Kennedy drowns in a pool of alcohol.
...no, not this one.
Room three, Bill Clinton is kicked back smoking a cigar while Monica lewinsky is under his desk doing what she does best. He's got a million dollar smile on his face.
...Obama says, oh I'll take this one.

Ole devil grins and says..." Okay Monica, your free to go."

[K191145]

Two men are swimming in the middle of the ocean near Austraila after capsizing their boat, there's 10 great white shark fins circling them.

One man says to the other, well, i'm about to prove my dad wrong.

The other man says, how's that?

First man says, he said I would never amount to Sh!t.

[K191145]

He was soo fat he put on a pair of BVD's and it spelled Boulevard. 

[railfancwb]

A young cowboy from Montana goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money .... he calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Alabama
that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says "and I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.

At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read.

So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.

"Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading
the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does".

"Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?"

The father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that lying dog before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to law school, and now serves in Washington D.C. as a Congressman.