PSA- Illegal Christmas Gifts for Guys

[leafinthewind]

Just trying to help out.... :usa:

 

 

Illegal Christmas Gifts for Guys

 

 

 

Clothing of any kind that has 3 or less syllables in it.

Scarf-                    no

Underwear-           no

Thinsulate camouflaged hunting gloves-               yes

 

Any tool or gadget that comes from a store that primarily sells cloths.  A wrench set from Dillards-no, a wrench set from Sears- yes.

 

Excessive hygiene products-  The socially acceptable amount is 1 deodorant and 1 new toothbrush.  Anything over that amount will find its way into a drawer for all eternity in the case of deodorant, or into our gun cleaning kit in the case of a toothbrush.

 

Any product who’s intended function is to promote participation in household chores.  “Warm slippers” that will supposedly function as an incentive for us to take out the garbage on cold days would fall into this category, as well as violate the 3 syllable clothing rule.

 

Excessive fruit-  The standard “apple/orange/grapefruit” in the toe of the stocking is acceptable, as long as it’s of the variety that the “giver” will eat.  Only one is permitted, however.

 

Fruitcake

 

Volume vs. value violations-  things like candy (of the type we like) are fine, but stuffing a 9 pound bag of cotton candy that has a cubic volume of 2/3 TSV (total stocking volume) is a direct violation, and would further take up valuable space that could have been occupied by items such as Bass Pro gift cards and boxes of shotgun ammo.

 

Health food-  Read the label, if the total fat content in grams is less than one half of the products weight in grams, we don’t want it.  If the product package contains any of the following words… “granola, Slim Fast, Jenny Craig,  low sodium, organic, or tofu”, put it back.  

 

Any and all gifts that are designed to increase our culture or social standing  in the community.  Two tickets to the ballet, followed by a wine and cheese social…never.  Rush is on tour in 2015…, we’ll only need…, ahem… one ticket.

[vontar]

Books, as you probably don't know what we read.