Has the roll of the church changed?

[Will Carry]

My wife has been going to St. Phillips Episcopal church for several years now. I will go with her every once and a while but I have found the people to be cold and aloof.  Last year my wife had a terrible accent. She broke both of her arms, dislocated her shoulder and hurt her back. It was awful.  Where I come from, the Methodist would bring over food, the pastor would come by and pray for you and other church members would come by to offer to help. We never even got a get well card from St. Phillips. 

 

My wife had surgery last Friday and has been in a lot of pain, can't walk and needs constant care. I have had to take off work to care for her and it has been a great strain on both of us. Once again not one person from St. Phillips has even called.  The more I think about it, the more resentment I have. Is it hypocritical of me to get angry about this? This church does support the homeless shelter and they send people all over the world to help the needy and I am a terrible sinner.  

Edited August 25, 2014 by Will Carry

[Joe357]

Did you notify anyone at the church of your wife's condition. Sometimes we take it for granted that they know of our problems. You may want to give them a call.
Just saying

[bersaguy]

I don't think there is anything wrong with the way your thinking. Does sound like the church has issues and I think I would be looking for another church. Just my humble opinion but sounds to me like that church has their priorities in the wrong place on several fronts but like I said...........jmho       I will say a prayer for you and your wife tonight and you might want to talk with your wife's doctor. Depending on your insurance coverage your doctor may be able to write medical orders for home health care and you could get some help caring for your wife..... Just a thought and I will say a prayer for yall tonight.

[runco]

I am a deacon at my church.  I am one of the ones that takes care of about 12 families.  The biggest problem I know of, I don't know what has happened.  Usually by the time I am informed so and so is sick and is in hospital, they are already released.  Not knowing your situation, but I say did someone know at the church, and I mean ether the pastor, deacon or one of the elders?  If not, then the right people probably did not know. 

[gregintenn]

I think some churches are sort of like some parents, and have turned their duties and responsibilities over to the ever growing government.

 

I don't know how large your church is, how tightly knit your community, etc., but I would give them the benefit of the doubt and say they simply didn't know of your wife's troubles....until I knew better.

 

By the way, sorry to hear about this. Hope things get better for you two quickly.

Edited August 25, 2014 by gregintenn

[R_Bert]

People in the modern church are paradoxically - more connected, but more isolated. Not because of the church, but because of post-modern lifestyles - transportation, Internet, Facebook, Cell Phones, etc.

 

 

Earlier churches were a closer knit community, due to necessity (barn raising, neighborhood schools, crop planting & harvesting, etc). 

 

The function of the elders/deacon was originally focused on elderly widows.  The community took care of the rest of the needs.

 

What is missing from the equation is the "community" aspect.  Sunday Schools took that role for ages, but now is diminishing. 

 

If you run the number on our church (6000 attendance per week), expecting the staff to attend to all the needs is futile. 

 

Running the numbers from a practical standpoint -

 

40 staffers * 3600 seconds * 8 hours = 192 seconds a day, per member.  That is 3.2 minutes for *everything* involved in operating our church.

 

In fact, it is so overwhelming, that we say "Hope you get a small grouper, because if you see a pastor, you probably are on your death-bed"

 

Some churches, like ours -  rely on "small groups", and it comes back down to communications & participation (otherwise out of sight, out of mind).

 

It's not that they don't care, it's logistics and being aware.

 

I hope that it gets better for you and your wife.  Reach out and let the laypersons know of your trials.  You may be pleasantly surprised at their response.

[gregintenn]

Anything we could do for you?

[Peace]

[quote name="gregintenn" post="1183257" timestamp="1409010499"]Anything we could do for you?[/quote] Agreed. What area is home for you, and how can we help? Edit: just read that you are in Raleigh. Is that still correct? Anyone know anyone? Edited August 26, 2014 by Peace

[buck1032]

Our church is small and we all stay pretty well informed. I was in San Diego for a buddies retirement when I got a call that one of our members passed away. Not much I could do from that distance, but I share this to illustrate that information can be passed along as long as other members are willing to step up.

[Jonnin]

Raleigh isn't exactly smalltown usa, pop 257  where if someone gets a boil on their backside the whole town knows about it.   Im with the other fellas... likely no one knows about it.   If she has any friends in the place, they might notice she is gone one sunday but it takes 2-3 in a row to stimulate a call.  Its not like 1955 either where someone missing one week of church is a big deal that causes people to wonder what possibly could have happened....   even folks that are there every time the door opens miss a week here & there, unannounced most often.

 

Call her sunday-school teacher or deacon or whatever it is that you have (not up on the layout of your denomination)  and just announce it casually: tell them about the accident and put in a prayer request.   See what you get from that ...   odds are the person immediately offers some sort of help. 

[Will Carry]

You guys were RIGHT and I am a dumb arse!  No one at the church knew anything if my wife's surgery. I called the church today and the pastor is coming by this afternoon. He is going to get a volunteer to come by and stay with her while I work. Talk about foot prints in the sand! I want to thank you guys for your replies and prayers.

[peejman]

Glad you got that sorted pretty quickly.  The church I go to is fairly big... 1000-ish typical sunday attendance and full of nice people.  But the pastors and staff try to make it clear that with such a big church, there's no way they can know everything that's going on.  If you need something, speak up.  If you don't involve yourself, its very easy to get lost in the shadows.

[Dirtshooter]

Prayer sent Will.  Glad you made that call and I hope all works out well for your wife and you. My SIL is a Baptist preacher and I know firsthand that he and none of his congregation are mind readers. LOL!!