A Neutron walks into a bar.

[Guest TankerHC]

A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?"
The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

[Rightwinger]

LOL   physics jokes on TGO....

 

I got a great gift for Christmas, Stephen Hawkings A Brief History of Time which I will start reading tomorrow......after

 

 

 

I'm still wondering how the Navy got so involved in physics....with all those Bosun's and all !

[dats82]

I'm a sucker for corny jokes.

[Guest TankerHC]

LOL   physics jokes on TGO....

 

I got a great gift for Christmas, Stephen Hawkings A Brief History of Time which I will start reading tomorrow......after

 

 

 

I'm still wondering how the Navy got so involved in physics....with all those Bosun's and all !

 

 

And this is true, but I heard that since Obama has fired all the Generals and Admirals he is now begining with Navy Physicists. In the Navy, entropy isnt what it used to be. 

Edited January 1, 2014 by TankerHC

[Mike.357]

awesome

[Mike.357]

love the horse walks into a bar type jokes.

[Guest TankerHC]

A Biologist, a Chemist and a Statistician go hunting.

 

A deer walks out of the woods and the biologist takes a shot and misses 5 feet to the left, the Chemist takes a shot and misses 5 feet to the right.

 

The Statistician yells "We got him!" 

[Oh Shoot]

love the horse walks into a bar type jokes.

 

Horse walks into a bar, sits down and sighs.

 

Bartender sez, "why the long face?"

 

---------------------------------

 

Guy walks into a bar, there's a horse mixing drinks behind the counter.  Guy looks shocked.

 

Horse sez, "whazamatter, you never seen a horse tending bar before?"

 

Guy sez, "sure, I just can't believe the pig sold the place."

 

--------

 

Guy walks into a bar, has monkey on his shoulder.

 

Bartender says, "you can't bring him in here."

 

Guy says, "Don't talk that way, you'll hurt his feelings."

 

Bartender says, "I know, I was talking to the monkey."

 

-------------------

 

Ba da bing,

 

- OS

Edited January 1, 2014 by Oh Shoot

[NoBanStan]

Ah, the dad jokes....  much respect.

 

I'm a big fan of bad joke eel

 

https://www.google.com/search?q=bad+joke+eel&espv=210&es_sm=93&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=BCXEUp-ME6O92wXL04GwCw&ved=0CAkQ_AUoAQ&biw=1920&bih=988

 

[gun sane]

A duck checks in with his answering service.  

 

"Hey, Phil Robertson's been calling you all morning."

Edited January 1, 2014 by gun sane

[KahrMan]

A bear walks into a bar and says I would a cold..............................................................................beer.

 

The bartender says, Why the big pause...

[BigK]

Why do they call Mexican midgets "paragraphs"?


They're too short to be as essay.

[hipower]

Must be some Peppe LePew fans around here...these are some stinky lines.

Edited January 3, 2014 by hipower

[VERO1]

Two antennas got married recently. The ceremony sucked but the reception was great!

[Mechanic_X]

An atom walks into a bar. Tells the bartender he is missing an electron. The bartender says, "are you sure?"

Atom says, "I'm positive!"

[Guest Keal G Seo]

There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.

[jacob]

[quote name="Keal G Seo" post="1087815" timestamp="1388662879"]There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.[/quote] Nerd

[Lumber_Jack]

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his fly. Bartender says "hey do you know you have a steering wheel in your pants" Pirate says "Aye, it's drivin me nuts"

[No_0ne]

There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.

 

Good one!

Edited January 3, 2014 by No_0ne

[Tuffus]

A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says we don't serve string in here, get out. The string walks outside and asks the first guy he sees to tie him into a knot. He does then takes out his pocket knife. "What's that for" asks the string. I just want to cut off the scraggly part on top. No says the string, I like it. He goes back into the bar and orders a beer. Bartender asks "aren't you the same string I just kicked out"? The strings says "I'm a frayed knot".

[billyscott]

A guy walks in to a bar. There's another guy in the bar with a dog sitting under his chair. First guy says "Hey buddy, does your dog bite?"

Second guy says "No, my dog don't bite." So first guy reaches down to pet the dog and the dog bites him. He says "YOU SAID YOUR DOG DON'T BITE!" Second guy says "That's not my dog". 

[billyscott]

Guy walks in to a bar. He tells the bartender "I got no money, but will you give me a free drink if I show you something really fantastic?"

Bartender says sure. Guy pulls a tiny grand piano out of one pocket and a tiny man in a tux out of the other. Small man sits down at the piano and plays classical music. Bartender says "Hey that's great, but where did you get him?" Guy says "Well I was walking along the beach one day and found a bottle. I tried to rub the sand off it and a Genie appeared, said he would grant me one wish. But I think he was hard of hearing." 

Bartender says "Yeah, why do you say that?"

.

.

.

.

Guy says "Well, do you really think I asked for a twelve inch PIANIST?"

[79troublehead]

So Obama decides the military retirement pay will have to be trimmed, and gets his best boys working on the ways and means.  After much debate they decide that the best (cheapest) method would be just pay the recipient by the linear inch; as in $1000 for straight line on the body from point to point, and to sweeten the pot,,the GI gets to pick the line.

  So the first retiree to fall prey to the scheme is a light colonel. He thinks about it for minute and declares he'll take his pay from the tippy top of his head to the soles of his feet.

  Best boy whips out the tape, and declares "6 foot 1 inch! $73,000!!

Next guy in line is a full bull, and he figures the angles, and declares HE will take his line from the tip of his out-stretched hand, to the tips of his toes.

  Best boy pops a line on him and declares "87 inches!! $87000!!!

So this goes on, with varied amounts from 58000 to 93,000 bucks shelled out, when they come to old grizzled Top Sgt., gazing bemusedly over the process.

 "Step up Top," cries best boy, "and say how you'll be measured!"

1st shirt looks down at the bureaucrat, shifts his wad and spits, and declares in his company formation voice that he will take his pay based on the line from the tip of his johnson to his testicals!

 "My Goodness!" squalls the paperpusher, not wanting to defraud the poor enlisted swine more than was his due, "Didn't you pay attention to the men in front of you? You're leaving a pile of money on the table!!"

But Ol' Sarge was adamant; drops his shorts  and demanded his pay to be determined as requested.

 Shrugging his shoulders, best boy whips out the tape, lays it on the proscribed spot, and stretches it back,,,," SERGENT!!!!! WHERE ARE YOUR BALLS!!!!"

 Top looks down and spits, "Vietnam."

[KahrMan]

Skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop...

[StPatrick]

*Note - slightly off color. Mods delete or I will if over the line*

 

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink from the pretty barmaid.  He says nothing else for hours, just ordering and then downing beverages.  Finally, after several hours, the now-drunken man beckons the girl over.  Since she hasn't heard a peep out of the man other than refill requests for hours, she's curious what he has to say.

 

"You remind me of my wee pinky toe" says the man.

 

"Is that because I'm so little and cute?" she replies.

 

"While that may be true," he says, "that's not it at all.  Nope, not it.  Rather I wanted to let you know that I'm going to finish my drink, after which I'll probably bang you on the coffee table."