A little help from some of you smart fellers, especially those involved in the psychology or psychiatry fields

[Guest TankerHC]

Had a few minutes and this keeps coming up so as I saw some people here that mentioned they had worked in those fields, thought I would ask and get some opinions or some opinions from some of you that have had friends or family in this situation. And this isnt about me, take my word for it. (Or anyone who knows me)

 

So we will call this a "You" scenario. Lets say YOU have a friend. And this friend is middle age. Very close friend for a long time.

 

This friend being middle age has never been married, has had only one real job that didnt last, and still lives with his mama. But this friend earlier in his life was outgoing (Lets say up to his mid 20's), into sports, NASCAR, Football, Baseball, anything that has to do with a ball, had plenty of friends, had a girlfriend and is not a bad looking guy or anything like that, keeps himself clean, etc. Just a normal guy. Moves out of state, goes to work then comes back moves in with mama, for the next 25 years.

 

Everything is fine for say the first ten years, still has old friends, still gets out, still goes to the races, does make some money, but not much. This particular friend of yours graduated with some honors from HS, had goals, but after HS that was really the end of it. No more girlfriend.

 

So everything SEEMS fine for this friend up until about 10-15 years ago, then you and your/his other friends start noticing changes, not in appearance, but in actions.

 

He goes downhill until there is no motivation, none, zilch. This person/friend is on the computer every waking moment. When not awake this friend is in bed. All of this friends friends are gone except two, you and one very long time close childhood friend. This person is on the computer 24/7 because he no longer interacts with the outside world. His "friends" and girlfriends are now females in the Phillipines and Phillipinos working in the Middle East that he will never ever meet, but are taking him for every little dollar he makes. His family and friends have been trying to get him away from them, but he doesnt make $25 that he doesnt send them $20. Standing in a room, personally witnessing, at 3AM, when he says he has had it, one of these Phillipinos calling over and over and finally leaving a message that says "You had better pick up the fkn phone right now" and he does and goes right back to the same ole sh___.

 

This person has no interaction with the outside world at all, will no longer work, the only things this person has it what someone gives him, invited to go to Talladhega and Bristol for the Sprint Cup races, free of charge, something he used to love, he declines. Invited every week to go to wrestling matches, something else he loves, he declines. Invited to spend a week or weekend at his childhood friend far in Georgia, something else he loves, he declines. This friend does absolutely nothing except have his face stuck in a computer or sleep. Thats all. Nothing else. 

 

You look at your friend, his pictures do not even resemble the pictures of the same guy from 20 years ago. No smiling, nothing. Just blank even though he has hardly aged, no wrinkles or anything, there is nothing there at all. Just blank. The only time you can get anything out of him is when talking sports, then this friend is so meek and mild even talking sports its not the same guy who played high school football and had tons of friends. Not the same fella AT ALL.

 

So the reason I say this is a YOU scenario, in that instance what would you do. I would say three weeks ago I pretty much gave up on him because I have tried everything I can think of, "Going to talk to someone" is not even an option. His closest friend who he has been friends with came to me yesterday and said "I dont know whats wrong with "Bob", but I am about done with him, he doesnt want to work, he's hooked on those Phillipino girls, he's worthless, hes not the same guy I grew up with, Ive known him a long time, but this is just getting ridiculous"

 

This other friend of his also played HS Football, earned Football Scholarships to several different Universities, and had tons of friends, the same friends as this friend. This fella is a good ole boy, has a couple of hunting dogs named Bo and Luke and drives a pickup, outgoing, chews, likes to hunt and shoot. That kind of guy. This friend WAS like that but is now a zombie.

 

What do you do?

 

Im about to completely abandon the guy, he is beginning to pizz me off because he will do nothing to help himself. Nothing. From talking to his longtime, what I would call last, friend yesterday, I think this person is about to be without any friends at all.

 

The problem is I know and so does his other friend that if we abandon him, then we really couldn't call ourselves friends could we?

 

So what do we do? Its to the point you cant even get the guy out of his house to go to a restaurant. The very, very, few times that he does go, he wont even order for himself. And he may whisper what it is, but it doesnt matter if its a formal restaurant, a home cooking place or anywhere, its always the same, a cheeseburger and a coke. I tok him with some other friends to the best German Restaurant in TN and he ordered a Cheeseburger and coke. I think thats about all he has lived on fr the last 3 years, cheeseburgers and cokes.

 

I dont think this person is a threat to himself or anyone else. But I am not a Doctor, so thats a laymans opinion which holds no weight. I dont think offering to pay to get help (He has no medical insurance) would work, I dont think he thinks there is anything wrong with him. His family is frustrated to the point of giving up, most of them. He has two friends left, me and that childhood friend and we are about to give up too.

 

So you all tell me. Anyone with any knowledge of this. I am not trying to be a hero or anything and in fact if I could help fix this problem no one would even know about it.

 

I have to admit,  have never personally seen until now a person who has simply become an empty shell of a human. No friends, no goals, no self esteem, no money, no nothing.

 

What do I do?

Edited October 27, 2013 by TankerHC

[Guest Lester Weevils]

I don't think there is anything anyone but that guy himself can do for him.

Much of psychology is a "naming game" where maybe you can put a name to a condition, but the name gives no clue to making it better, so is possibly useless to even bother with a diagnosis.

It could be so many things, and there are some half-ass treatments for some of them.

One diagnosis used to be called "inadequate personality" where for whatever reason a person "just aint got what it takes".

Some of what you describe could be attributed to depression. Many think there is a biochemical basis for depression and pills sometimes help. Confounding that view is often pills don't help and there are a range of pills that sometimes seem to help that modulate entirely different contradictory neurotransmitters.

Another model of depression is a learned response, that can be modeled with shocked rat experiments. You shock the rat regardless what he tries, so eventually the rat figures out that there is nothing he can do to get out of his situation and gives up trying to avoid the shocks. Supposedly you could somehow re-train the rat to get up and try again, so the rat would learn how not to be depressed. Maybe counseling is effective, but I don't put much stock in the effectiveness of counseling.

If the fella has "bizarre reasoning" and hallucinations, that would be an entirely different ball of wax. Edited October 27, 2013 by Lester Weevils

[Guest Riciticky]

Find a cheap flight to the Philippines and let him meet these girls. He might come back with one and come around to his old self again. There are plenty of girls there. I know. I spent 8 years over there.

[Guest CCPT]

I'm no expert but it sounds like there's something no one knows but him. Changes that drastic always have a catalyst, even if it takes years to surface. I believe based on your observations that something happened several years ago, possibly while he was out of state, and he has never shared what it was. I'm leaning toward that or the onset of a neurological disorder/deficiency (possibly dopamine?) which will likely progress.