Stupid Stuff I've done...

[Peace]

.... So, being the handy man that I am, I reached down and grabbed the metal to pull it out of the outlet. ...

 

Oh Crap!  Daaaaaaave!    :D

[Guest Lester Weevils]

Lester, you may be the closest to dangerous around tools and worksites kinda guy I've heard of. Except for me, that is.

 

BE safer, my friend.

 

I'm real safety conscious in my old age.

 

But the best safety tip of all time has got to be Timestepper's-- "Never try to kill a skunk with a banjo"

[BigK]

I'm very sorry, but I laughed out loud at this. I think it was the "speed of sound" part.

 

If it had happened to anyone else, I'd laugh too...pretty stupid of me, I deserve being laughed at.

[safeandsecure]

Timestepper ... ... DaveS ... ... and the rest of ya'll ... ... (especially the banjo part, Timestepper) ... ...

 

Please, continue to post.  I too have made a fool of myself more times than I care to remember, but I ain't blessed with the story-telling gene that ya'll have.

 

But for the sake of fairness, the dumbest thing (okay, maybe not the dumbest, but one that I will admit to) was back in my teen years when an older guy was trying to teach me how to "pop" a snake's head off by "cracking" it like a whip.  I musta failed to get that wrist snap right, 'cause when I pulled back, the snake wrapped around my head and bit my ear.  Probably would have made for some new dance moves if anyone had been there to film it.  Dang near wet my pants, too.  Now unwrapping a 4- to 5-foot long snake from your head while combining an Indian rain dance with go-go dance moves ain't easy, but it can be done.  Getting the snake to let go of my ear required help.  Thank God the snake didn't get my nose.  Don't know why, but that seems worse.

[Peace]

.... an older guy was trying to teach me how to "pop" a snake's head off by "cracking" it like a whip. ...

 

As I will teach my son...  if you've never done it, and they say it's fun, or cool, or whatever, you go ahead and let them go first.  

 

:rofl:

 

Nice one, safe.  You underestimate yourself.

[Wyldk2]

As a kid, liked building powered planes out of balsa sticks and tissue paper. Had got a tail section glued on a little crooked, and needed to slice it off and reglue. Had been using the same razor blade a long time, which was dull and I'd got accustomed to really pushing to cut balsa. So I had a brand new razor blade and bore down hard on the new blade, and it sliced thru several inches of balsa and also the tendons on the back of my thumb. Had to have general anesthesia for em to dig for the tendons and re-attach em. They "pull up short" when cut.

Was building a kitchen cabinet a couple years ago, tacking down a glued 1/4" plywood back to the cabinet with the finish nailgun. I put on the backs a little oversize then use a router to trim them flush after the glue dries. So I was feeling with a finger to place the nail gun back from the ledge, then removing finger and shooting the nail. Got going a little too fast, didn't pull the finger back, and didn't have the nail gun set right. Shot the finish nail thru the plywood and all the way thru the finger (bone and all). It swelled up and turned interesting colors, but healed up without a doctor visit.

In high school summer vacation was working as a carpenter helper for an old grumpy carpenter, real cast-iron SOB. I couldn't do anything right and he was always telling me dumb advice and I couldn't do anything right. Couldn't even tote wood right according to him. So we were adding a couple rooms to a house and the new bathroom floor wasn't in but everything else was sub-floored. We had been throwing cut off wood scraps into the hole where the bathroom was gonna be. He said clean out all the wood scraps and said watch out for nails. So I jumped down in the hole and ran a 16 penny nail all the way thru the middle of the foot, poking up out of the tongue of the boot.

Picked up the foot with a three foot piece of wood attached, had to twist back and forth on the board to get the nail out of my foot. Luckily it went thru between two foot bones.

That old carpenter was such a cast iron SOB that I knew he wouldn't ever let me live down that dummass move, so I worked the rest of the day with a hole in the foot without telling him, and treated it myself til it healed up because I was too proud to admit the mistake to anybody.

And I thought my old co-worker from Lowe's was bad. Sliced off part of his thumb on a tablesaw, cut part of his ear on a router( i don't know how the heck), and seemed he was more accident prone on carpentry skills than most.UntilI read this story.

[Peace]

Alright, back for seconds...

 

I was a sickly kid in ways... so I took medicine every morning.

 

One morning, I took my medicine, and went out, got my dog's heartworm pill (that I gave it daily), went down to where we kept the pup,  went to give him the heart-worm pill, and he wouldn't take it.  I looked down and my eyes got real big.  If my medicine was in my hand, ... then where was Duke's pill?    aw crap.

 

I got to miss school that day.

[Timestepper]

Ok, again I'm not going to actually admit to anything, but since I posted this on the hunting board a while back, I guess re-posting it here would only be fair.

This was originally written as a "letter of introduction" to acquaint a former supervisor of mine with the Rocky Mountains, but the world works in funny ways and, as luck would have it, it also turned out to be the first piece I had published and appeared in Muzzle Blasts magazine in January of 2001. 

 

 

Dear Boss:

Congratulations on having chosen the Colorado Rocky Mountains as your vacation spot this year! As you may know, even though I'm originally from Kansas, I have spent a great deal of time in the Rockies. In fact, due in large part to inaccurate maps, faulty compasses and the mysterious geologic forces which strive to constantly re-arrange otherwise familiar landmarks - I have probably spent more time in the Colorado back country than most members of the search and rescue team. At any rate, I am convinced that you, yourself could not have picked a better destination.

I must admit that I am honored that you have come to me for advice and I commend you on your excellent judgment. Naturally, over the years, I have acquired an almost encyclopedic knowledge on this subject and you may believe me when I say that I have forgotten more than you know.

From the time of Zebulon Pike to present there have been literally thousands of books and articles authored on the subject of camping and living in the Rocky mountains So many so that my wife jokingly inquired as to why anyone over the age of eight who owns a library card would willingly come to me for advice. I politely informed her that I, for one, could understand your wanting to learn things that only a real expert like myself would know!

With that in mind, Boss, I have decided not to fill your brain with information easily obtained from other sources. Instead, I have enclosed the following list of things you should NOT do while you are in the mountains. I know you should not do these things, because unfortunately, I have done them all at some point in the past. Needless to say, the results have ranged from just thoroughly embarrassing to damn near disastrous!

Good Luck Boss! May you learn at least as much from my "adventures" as I have...

Things you should NOT do in the Mountains
(Or anywhere else for that matter!)

1. Do not wrap an egg in clay and place it the campfire to cook.

2. Do not try to start a campfire using only a mouthful of brandy and a Zippo lighter.

3. No matter how cute and cuddly it may look - Do not try to pet a baby porcupine.

4. Never try to kill a skunk with a banjo!

5. Never try to bluff a moose...

6. Never try to cross a stream on any log which is more than ten feet above the water - Especially if the water is less than three feet deep!

7. Never leave your clothes more than a mile from where you are actually "skinny-dipping."

8. NEVER allow yourself to be convinced that riding a plastic toboggan down a two thousand foot snow mass and into a mountain lake would be "a really neat thing to do!"

9. Do not sneak up on your camp partner and "woof" like a grizzly - Especially if they are holding a cast iron skillet or a fly rod.

10. Do not throw rocks or pinecones at your camp partner when they in the bushes answering the call of nature - Especially if they are bigger and meaner than you are.

11. Do not throw rocks or pinecones at any stump that looks like a sleeping bear.

12. If you must climb a tree to escape from a recently awakened bear, do NOT disturb anything which looks like a wasp nest (at least until AFTER you are past it).

And finally - Even if the hornets choose to go after the bear and leave you with only a few stings - Do not jump up and down, clap your hands and laugh uproariously while you are still standing in the uppermost branches of a pine tree!

 

 

:whistle:

 

...TS...

[hipower]

Timestepper ... ... DaveS ... ... and the rest of ya'll ... ... (especially the banjo part, Timestepper) ... ...
 
Please, continue to post.  I too have made a fool of myself more times than I care to remember, but I ain't blessed with the story-telling gene that ya'll have.
 
But for the sake of fairness, the dumbest thing (okay, maybe not the dumbest, but one that I will admit to) was back in my teen years when an older guy was trying to teach me how to "pop" a snake's head off by "cracking" it like a whip.  I musta failed to get that wrist snap right, 'cause when I pulled back, the snake wrapped around my head and bit my ear.  Probably would have made for some new dance moves if anyone had been there to film it.  Dang near wet my pants, too.  Now unwrapping a 4- to 5-foot long snake from your head while combining an Indian rain dance with go-go dance moves ain't easy, but it can be done.  Getting the snake to let go of my ear required help.  Thank God the snake didn't get my nose.  Don't know why, but that seems worse.

Hmmm. Were you by chance the inspiration for the snake bite scene in Justified in the 3rd season? You remember? When one of Boyd's guys was brought in with the snake head still attached to his cheek.

[safeandsecure]

Hmmm. Were you by chance the inspiration for the snake bite scene in Justified in the 3rd season? You remember? When one of Boyd's guys was brought in with the snake head still attached to his cheek.

 

Naw.  Couldn't have been me.  If I hadn't had help getting that snake to let go of my ear, I'da just ripped my ear off.  Now don't get me wrong - I'm not afraid of snakes, exactly.  But I ain't gonna let one hang onto me, even if I lose a part of an ear (or cheek) to get it off me.

[DaveS]

OK, round two (promise not to hold this against me).

 

I was drilling a piece of wood ( 1x2x3) and the bit kept grabbing the wood and spinning it around in a circle. So my brilliant self (I'm world famous for brilliance) decided to hold the piece of wood in my hand to drill. Well...the bit broke through the wood and about 3/8 inch into to palm of my hand. I had to "un-chuck" the bit and off to the emergency room, as I could not stand the pain of reversing that bit out of my hand! A minor surgery was required to remove the bit. Lesson learned: C-clamp.

 

Last but not least....

 

Was muzzleloader hunting a couple of years ago when a beaut of an 8 pointer walked within 30 yards of me. I leveled the sights and fired. The buck took off running and stopped about 40 yards away. In haste in reloading the Hawken with the wood ram rod, it snapped and entered the palm of my left hand and exited out the back. So off to the ER with half of a ramrod sticking through my hand. Again, a minor surgery to remove it. While waiting in the ER for the doc to come in I get a text message..."Dad, what do you want us to do with this monster 8 point you killed?"...*&&^&*(*)(&*^%%$^&&*(!!!!!!!!!

 

My son and his friend really enjoyed all that meat. Lesson Learned: Fiberglass ramrods for hunting and range work.

 

That's all I care to tell about now.

 

DS

[safeandsecure]

DaveS, seems a pair of puncture-proof gauntlets -- with rubber insulation (non-conductive) might solve some of your troubles, lol.

Me? If it ain't my ear or a finger or a hand or a foot --- it's a collar bone or a rib or three.  I'd need a full suit of armor!  Nah.  I hear tell that stuff ain't fireproof, so never mind.

[VERO1]

Under no circumstances say,"is that your dad?" While fingering the "merchandise" in high school! She almost cost me a couple fingers!

[DaveS]

DaveS, seems a pair of puncture-proof gauntlets -- with rubber insulation (non-conductive) might solve some of your troubles, lol.

Me? If it ain't my ear or a finger or a hand or a foot --- it's a collar bone or a rib or three.  I'd need a full suit of armor!  Nah.  I hear tell that stuff ain't fireproof, so never mind.

Life goes on Buddy....you only live once. I guess how long is up to us! lol

 

DaveS

[EMB145]

I caught an airplane on fire once right at the boarding gate. Black smoke pouring out of the auxiliary power unit. I blew the fire bottle and the temp went down on the gauge and then slowly started rising again. Only one fire bottle for the APU on that airplane. I forgot to close the fuel shutoff valve feeding it after it caught fire. So it kept burning. The gate agent asked me over the radio if they could board the aircraft and I told her "No, the airplane is on fire, I need the fire department at A8" She came back and I swear she said, "Does this mean we can't board?"

 

Fire department comes in with excitement, (they don't get to play fireman much outside of training), hose down the airplane, baggage belt loader, passengers bags, and me standing at the back of the aircraft. It was declared a crime scene until the NTSB came and got statements from me, the flight crew and everyone witness to this. Police officers actually guarded the aircraft and we were not allowed to take bags off or anything. For safety, the cop let me shutoff all the power to the plane. Needless to say, the flight did not go that day, but the passengers got a good story to tell everyone why their flight cancelled. I got to stay and change out the APU after the NTSB showed up. After that incident, I was nicknamed fireball and was told they were going to make me wear mittens so I couldn't flip switches and push buttons.

 

In my defense, that thing was going to catch on fire no matter who tried to start it next. I just happened to be "That guy" and I did not help the situation by not closing the fuel shutoff valve.

[Timestepper]

Life goes on Buddy....you only live once. I guess how long is up to us! lol

 

DaveS

Yeah, but there's a thousand times when you wish you could die - like when the ER Doc says, "Now, tell me again exactly how this happened?" and you do and he excuses himself and leaves the room but you can hear him laughing all the way down the hall...

 

...Or when the ER people ask if you've been drinking and you have to admit, "No. Sadly enough, I seem to be one of the few that doesn't have to be drunk to do stupid stuff..."

 

...Or when the hot chick in high school tells you you're going to be a great actor some day and you ask what she means and she says that you made your "dumb ass stunt" look so natural - like you hadn't even planned it - but of course everyone knows you did it on purpose because nobody is that stupid in real life and you just kinda' blush and kick your toes in the dirt and hope to God she never finds out the truth...

 

Yeah, you only live once... but sometimes you can't help but wonder how you managed to do it that often...

 

:shake:

Edited October 3, 2013 by Timestepper

[safeandsecure]

I caught an airplane on fire once ...

 

Ha! I got a fire engine airborne once!  "Fireball" ain't a bad nickname, either.  Can't post on here what the Chief called me after my incident.  And you are right about excitement in the fire department -- especially the young guys.  There was a day (many moons ago) when I got excited over a call, too.  Not so much anymore ...

[TMF]

Under no circumstances say,"is that your dad?" While fingering the "merchandise" in high school! She almost cost me a couple fingers!

I've spent 4 years in combat zones and it remains that the most intense near death experiences were climbing out of windows when I was in high school.

[Tncobra]

Almost forgot this one.

Don't ever hit a basketball with a bat. I knocked myself cold for 15minutes.

[Guest Lowbuster]

I was working in a factory and had to drill holes in a metal cabinet with double doors. I was drilling the right side and had my middle finger in the way and yep, bit went through the door right into my middle finger. I was taken to Hospitol and they patched it up. Went back to work and drilled the left side. You guessed it got middle finger on other hand. It was 22 years ago and I have spiral scars on both fingers.

[DaveS]

Ha! I got a fire engine airborne once!  "Fireball" ain't a bad nickname, either.  Can't post on here what the Chief called me after my incident.  And you are right about excitement in the fire department -- especially the young guys.  There was a day (many moons ago) when I got excited over a call, too.  Not so much anymore ...

I never got an Engine (pumper) airborne before, but I did manage to hang a curve in our "Heavy Rescue" on two wheels!

 

DaveS

[Andyshowfan]

My buddies and I, as teenagers, would load up in an old Ford Fairlane (which btw was an old park ranger car one's step-dad won at an auction) and cruise the the back roads of Sevier County doing what teenage boys do. On many Friday evenings 5 or 6 of us would pile up in that old car and head out to a "bootlegger" to purchase a tasty beverage or two for the weekend and right in the middle of the path was a big intersection we called the "T" it had a large hump in it. We would stop a good 3/4 mile back before it, take out a skull with dreadlocks hang it on the mirror, buckle up for safety and hit that hump at about 60mph. I have no clue how that old car or us ever lasted through that. It felt as if we flew a mile. The whole car was off the ground for what seem like eternity and WHAM we hit the pavement on the other side giggling like a bunch of girls!

[Guest TankerHC]

The list is endless. But I'll begin with me and my buddies when I was about 12 out in the street throwing darts up in the air trying to get them to com down into a chalk circle and looking up to watch after throwing. On one while not looking up it came down and stuck right in the top of my head.

Sent from my SPH-L720 using Tapatalk 2

[Wiljo05]

The list is endless. But I'll begin with me and my buddies when I was about 12 out in the street throwing darts up in the air trying to get them to com down into a chalk circle and looking up to watch after throwing. On one while not looking up it came down and stuck right in the top of my head. Sent from my SPH-L720 using Tapatalk 2

Ooooouuuuucccchhhh!

[Guest tdoccrossvilletn]

Launched a Chevy Corsica 6 feet in the air at 65mph with three passengers two in back one up front. We bounced twice and dude in the back wound up in front and dude in front wound up in the back. Sent from my mind using ninja telepathy. Edited October 3, 2013 by tdoccrossvilletn