Best flight attendant ever - period

[Sam1]

We just got back from a trip to FL and had a great time, minus those damn toll roads every 15 feet.  Anyways, flew into Orlando and took a week driving down to Key West.  Coming back yesterday we had the best flight attendant that exists, he didn't fit the stereotype at all; a bit overweight, about 4 inches too tall for the plane and maybe late 40's to early 50's.  Anyways, he started in on the normal welcome aboard thing and the rest went something like this:

 

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Ladies and gentlemen, I found a brown wallet here with some money in it, if you could look this way and ID it... ok thanks, now that I've got your attention we need to cover some safety things.

 

blah blah blah

 

We'll be flying over water so in the event our flight turns into a cruise and the pilot into our skipper, use your seat cushion as a flotation device and do not grab on to me because I can't swim.

 

blah blah blah

 

The masks will drop down automatically, put yours on first then help the people around you.  This happens fast, so if you're traveling with more than one child, decide now on who has a better chance at being successful in life

 

blah blah blah

 

There's a newly renovated smoking area in the plane, it's out on the right wing.  If you do make it out there alive, the movie playing is gone with the wind and there's a full service salt water bath waiting for you upon landing.

 

blah blah blah

 

Thanks for choosing us, my mortgage company thanks you, my coworkers thank you and again welcome aboard Southwest Airlines where we like you, but like your money more.

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Guy went on for about 20 minutes and it was the only time I've ever listened to the entire thing... He had the whole plane rolling, wish I would've taped it cause it would've went viral for sure.

[Murgatroy]

That sounds like a blast.

[Randall53]

My wife and I took SW to Vegas and we had a guy on the way out. He was very funny and used a couple of those lines. Might have been the same guy.

[monkeylizard]

Fly them enough and you start to hear the same lines from different crews. I've long suspected that SW provides a list of approved jokes like that. My favorite that I heard over 15 years ago now was a song that a crew out of Austin did on occasion on a Nashville to Baltimore leg that I used to fly a lot.

 

To the tune of the Oscar Mayer weiner song:

 

Oh I wish I were a honey roasted peanut

That's what I think I'd really like to be

For if I were a honey roasted peanut

Then I could fly on Southwest Air for free.

[Sam1]

My wife and I took SW to Vegas and we had a guy on the way out. He was very funny and used a couple of those lines. Might have been the same guy.

 

Black dude with a little bit of grey hair by chance?

[Guest TankerHC]

Southwest attendants are the best. no doubt. That third line cracked me up.

 

I fly them all the time. I don't like the fact that on one flight they charged me non refundable 5 bucks for a pillow, (And two later flights didnt have any pillows), but the attendants are certainly entertaining.

 

One flight, our last one, was over the top and the wife, my mother and I really dont know if it was real or not.

 

While giving the instructions the lead attendant started yelling at "his ex wife" over the intercom. He was hollering at her between instructions about how she screwed him out of his life savings, and a bunch of other things. She was yelling right back. "Well if you were a man I wouldnt have had to screw you out of money I dont need anyway" and crap like that. She was in the back and he was in the front on the phone intercom. This (And I swear I am not making this up) went on for an hour or more during the flight. The male attendant "finally had enough" and ORDERED his "ex wife" to the front of the plane, made her sit and went on bitching about her over the intercom, every few minutes she would hop on the intercom and respond back.

 

My moms first flight and she is 71, she asked me if they always do that on airplanes. Said no, I believe this is a skit. But the lady in the aisle seat looked at my mom and said "Can you believe this?".

 

Either those two were in trouble (The other 2 attendants were "not too happy") or the pilots were in the cockpit laughing their azzes off because these two had the entire plane weirding out (It seemed)

 

But it is just like that on every SWA flight I have been on in the last 2 years or so.

 

Whenever I have a beech about SWA, my friends defend them like they own the airline or something, "SWA is the best airline in the country" etc etc.

[Patton]

About ten years ago I was on a flight from Atlanta to Los Angeles and the flight attendant got a soldier going home on R&R to stand up at the front of the plane and give the whole spill. He did it perfectly, the two finger pointing at the exit doors, the blowing up of the life preservers, the upside down seatbelt flop and all that. Everyone applauded and laughed. I though it was strange until the flight attendant announced he was a coworker who had been away serving as a reservist. Edited August 4, 2013 by Patton

[Chadastrophic]

Southwest def gives their attendants liberties with the preflight announcement.

Sent from my SCH-I605 using Tapatalk 2

[JAB]

Sounds like a hoot.  Not sure about the best flight attendant, ever, though.  I saw this movie, once, where there was this pretty, brunette female flight attendant who might have been the best flight attendant, ever.  At one point, some cheesy music started playing and she...ah, never mind.

Edited August 5, 2013 by JAB

[TMF]

I love flying Southwest. I always fly that airline when going to Florida. I wish they had service everywhere I fly.