A pretty decent "B" Horror Movie

[Guest TankerHC]

I have seen this movie "Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyon" pop up on Hulu the last few weeks, I read all the Tall Tales back in the 70's and didnt want to see a Paul Bunyon Serial Killer. Not having anything to do, flipping through the movies this morning I decided to go ahead and see what it was about.

 

Movie comes on and the first actor I see I think, "Dang, must be 20 or 30 year old movie, pretty clear picture though", because the first actor I see is Dan Haggerty, remember him? Grizzly Adams? And he looked exactly the same as he did when he played Grizzly Adams, even the same long scraggly hair. The movie is a 2013 release.

 

The other actors, except one, I never heard of or have seen. Only one other, Joe Estevez, have I ever seen and I think that was in a commercial, which is surprising because this guy makes like 15 movies a year (Imdb) since 1974 and I have only seen one "The Story of Pretty Boy Floyd" that he made in 1974, and I saw that in the 80's after I read the book. But I havent seen one of the other 8 million movies this guy has made (That I know of).

 

The actors are run of the mill, just like in the original Friday the 13th. The hot chick is not hot, at all. She is an anorexic looking redhead who plays (Poorly) a hot chick with an attitude.

 

Then you have the ahole cop wannabe who runs the State (Minnesota) Youth Basic Training Rehabilitation Program full of the (slasher film required) teen yoots....who are actors that are all in their late 20's and early 30's.  (Cant have a slasher film without "yoots" to slash, and of course they need to be in a deep woods setting)

 

Bunyon is 20 feet tall , is over 200 years old, has a "leatherface" look and wields a bigazz axe effectively. One of the good parts is at the beginning when he kills a Grizzly bear with his bare hands.  Tom Downey plays Sgt. Hark, and does a pretty good job of it. He has actually been in some pretty big movies and liiking at imdb has done about everything you can do making movies. (Stuntman, Special Effects Direction, and a bunch of other things).

 

From the very beginning you might be wondering:

Why did they use a plastic "Horse?", "Bull"?, "Cow?" to cook with, build no fire under it (Not even a log) yet the cook claims the meat is falling off the bone (Cause its almost done).

Why is the triangle bell BRAND NEW and painted with laquer if this is backwoods 1894 Minnesota? Did the director have to send somebody to walmart real quick because they forgot the triangle bell?

Why is there a modern blade on the saw running off of electricity in backwoods Minnesota in 1894 and where is the electricity coming from to run it, oh and why is it even running in the first place?

Why is everybody walking around with axes over their shoulders when they arent doing anything except getting ready to eat their uncooked plastic horse?

 

I give this movie a 4 out of 5 stars for:

Boobage

Number of heads chopped off

A Glock

The return of Grizzly Adams

Grizzly adams getting his head split from crown to neck by an electric saw, in the woods, in 1894.

The gun (Glock?) toting Sgt. Hark treating the liberal "Rehab Counselor" like a 3rd rate dirt bag. (Realism for ya)

 

Minus one star for:

The ugly anarexic no talent hot chick. (yea, shes someones daughter, well dont put your face on the screen and show your boobage)

 

 

 

This is definitely an original movie, because a bunch of city kids, in the deep dark woods, being murdered by an axe murderer, has never been done before.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[JAB]

The Wrath of Paul Bunyon?  What will the sequel be?  Wait, I know:

 

Blood Orchard:  The Revenge of Johnny Appleseed

 

Somehow, I don't think I'll be looking for 'Axe Giant' at Red Box.  Thanks for the warning...er, I mean review, though.

Edited July 29, 2013 by JAB

[NoBanStan]

Still sounds better than Gary Busey in "The Gingerdead Man"

http://www.yellmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/GaryBuseyHighRes1.jpg

Sorry, on mobile so you'll have to hit the link

[JAB]

Still sounds better than Gary Busey in "The Gingerdead Man"

http://www.yellmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/GaryBuseyHighRes1.jpg

Sorry, on mobile so you'll have to hit the link

 

Good lord!  I thought that might be a joke so I looked it up and such a movie really exists.  Not only that but it looks like there is a Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust and a Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Clever.  I even saw some indication of a Gingerdead Man 4!

 

And I thought killer tomatoes were bad.

[NoBanStan]

Good lord!  I thought that might be a joke so I looked it up and such a movie really exists.  Not only that but it looks like there is a Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust and a Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Clever.  I even saw some indication of a Gingerdead Man 4!

 

And I thought killer tomatoes were bad.

 

I learned about it from going into a dollar general to pick up cheap camping supplies. The trilogy was in the bargain bin for $6.99. The Photoshop of Busey's head on that body is breathtaking.