Gathering information/advice concerning my nieces.

[ncomarc]

Hey all, this is my first post so bear with me. I normally get on here to learn, more than anything and sometimes make a purchase but this post is a downer.

I've got 2 nieces and a nephew ages 16, 9 and 8. Anyways, my brother in-law is a POS dad who has money for cigarettes, beer, his electronics and on-line gaming. Yet the kids have only seen a doctor once in two years since my sister in-law passed away. My wife talks to them frequently since they moved to MO and they are always asking to come live with either my family or my wife's sisters family. He is a felon who stole my father in-laws ID to buy a $6,000 Dell computer which my he found out about after his daughters death, since she was no longer paying it and he is unable to because he has not had a job for about 7yrs and he is too good to be a waiter or manual labor.

He left the kids with us for the summer and has not come to pick them up yet. I called him to see what was going on, his 16yr old called and no return calls till today. He said that he'll let them stay with us to go to school which I'm fine with but I'm thinking about their medical coverage which I don't believe they have. I've google and still confused, calling the Metro Child Service turned up nothing but me being put on hold and them wanting me to file a report. I will if I have to, but that's a last resort because the wife and I are afraid he'll come and take the kids away where they will not have any family support. Last time my niece called she was embarrassed because they had no food in the house and he wouldn't answer his door. If the kids stay with me and I take them to the hospital for an emergency, will I be held financially responsible? My two tours will help pay for some of my 3 kids college now I may be seeing how I will swing taking care of them. I have insurance for my family but unsure how they can get any since he won't sign custody to us. With my full time job, the Reserves and the part time I just picked up I believe we'll be O.K. My biggest fear now is the medical emergency that may happen to them and is the reason a lot of people go bankrupt, specially my role in this financially.

If anyone has been through this and can PM me I'll give my phone # - please keep replies on how to help the kids, I don't need any more thoughts in my head being reinforced on what I would like to do the poor excuse of a dad. Thanks ahead of time.

[ncomarc]

I meant first Topic.

[10-Ring]

I have spoken to an attorney about a similar situation that I am in.  I have a 4 year old step daughter whose biological father sounds pretty much like the father of your nieces and nephew.  If anything were to happen to my wife the plan is that I will attempt to raise my step daughter so that she does not go to her father.  My attorney said that the best thing to do sometimes in these cases is nothing.  Meaning don't petition the court to do anything to get legal custody or financial assistance.  I know in our situation and likely in yours as well the father won't do anything unless prodded.  My step daughters father would probably never say a thing, unless I asked him to give me legal custody, then he would be marching right down to the court house.  I can't speak to the insurance thing, hopefully someone who can will chime in.  Seems like insurance is the biggest concern here.  Hats off to you sir for stepping up to the plate!

[peejman]

That's a pretty crappy situation.  I assume the children's parents would be financially liable for their medical care, but given what you've described, fat chance of that ever happening.  I don't know much about this type of situation, so all I can suggest is that you consult with an attorney experienced in stuff like this. 

[Guest Emtdaddy1980]

Nco what area are you in?

[Dane]

First problem is without a medical power of attorney (poa) you can not even authorize treatment for them. If you have to go to the er all they can do is stabilize and wait for the father to get there. I would focus on that first.




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[TMF]

More importantly than the money, how can you authorize certain medical care without legal parent or guardian approval? At a minimum, it seems as if the sperm donor could at least agree to some sort of legal contract for that sake. Could open the door to getting them permanently out of his care too, under the guise of simply having the ability to act as a legal guardian in such emergencies. Definitely should talk to an attorney, and if you have to approach the sperm donor regarding this situation, make your motives appear to be nothing more than ensuring your ability to handle those types of scenarios.

[TMF]

First problem is without a medical power of attorney (poa) you can not even authorize treatment for them. If you have to go to the er all they can do is stabilize and wait for the father to get there. I would focus on that first.




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Beat me to it.

[ncomarc]

Thanks guys:
The medical care is what I was worried about and waiting on a friend of mine who's wife works in the school system to get me some information before I contact a lawyer if needed. I had stressed to the kids father that he could keep the government money he receives for the kids, just get them in school and do the required check-up. My wifes sister died of cancer at 34 two years ago and since then its been downhill since theres no one to keep him in check. He has all the paperwork with him so I'm in limbo. Originally he told me that I could have temporary custody but would not answer me on the medical issue. I'll look into the Medical POA, didn't know there was such a thing.

EMTDaddy1980 I just recently moved to Smyrna from Antioch. Trying to get the kids enrolled at the Stewarts Creek schools.

[Hozzie]

I would go see a lawyer.  Sounds to me like you could possibly go after an abandonment resolution.  It won't be easy for the kids if they have to go to court, but if he is unfit and you have no other choice, there is no reason he should get the Soc Sec that is meant to take care of them.  

 

The only advise I would have is WRITE DOWN every call, interaction, detail, time, date, etc of any and all communications you have had with him as well as all statements by the kids and the date/time it happened.  Full documentation is your best friend in court and not just he said/she said. 

Edited July 23, 2013 by Hozzie

[Guest Emtdaddy1980]

The only advise I would have is WRITE DOWN every call, interaction, detail, time, date, etc of any and all communications you have had with him as well as all statements by the kids and the date/time it happened. Full documentation is your best friend in court and not just he said/she said.

On that note, if you're using an android device to communicate with him there is an app available to automatically record your phone calls and save them to your SD card. I have it on my phone and have used it a few times to persuade someone to be true to their word.

[2.ooohhh]

On that note, if you're using an android device to communicate with him there is an app available to automatically record your phone calls and save them to your SD card. I have it on my phone and have used it a few times to persuade someone to be true to their word.

And it's legal to do without notifying him since TN and MO are both single party consent states when it comes to voice recording.  :up:

[mk19]

I know for spouses if there is no answer for 6 months it would be considered abandonment, grounds for divorce. Therefore I am thinking maybe something like that would be true for the kids as well if he is not responding. I am not sure about Tn laws, but in Ca, the state provided medical care for kids under 18 if parents were unable or did not have insurance. Kids need a good family environment to be able to grow into responsible adults and useful members of the society, it seems that it is better for them if they are not with their POS father. Check with a lawyer for better advice to become the lawful guardian.

[ncomarc]

Good copy on the advice and Ill try to find that app for my phone tonight.

[LowBb]

Not sure, but I use medical release forms signed and notorized by parents to be able to treat children when the parents aren't around.

Ask him again to turn them over to you. They don't need to be in MO and he obviously doesn't want them. Offer him an X box and a pack of smokes ( says with gritted teeth).

[Dolomite_supafly]

Contact TennCare. They WILL always insure uninsured children. They will work with you to ensure they are insured in case of a medical emergency as well as routine visits. Because you are NOT their legal guardian TennCare should not be interested in your financials. Sounds like they will only focus on the father's and it sounds like he has zero income which will benefit the children. TennCare is a great program, or at least was, until people started abusing it but it is still out there and available for those who truly need it.

[whitewolf001]

While I can't give any info on the topic I wish you the best of luck cousin, this can be a pivotal moment for those kids and the fact you're stepping up to the plate, well, there aren't alot of people out there who'd do that. Good for you and god speed! :usa:

[jgradyc]

EDITED: Oops, I had two windows open and posted in the wrong one so I deleted this post.

 

To the OP, I'd talk to an attorney. It could save you a world of problems later.

Edited July 24, 2013 by jgradyc

[RobertNashville]

First of all; loads of applause for you doing this!

 

Second; if he is willing to let his children stay with you for school I would think he would be okay with executing a medical POA and I wouldn't be surprised of there isn't one of our attorney's here on TGO who might see this and be willing to do one for you for very little cost (and there is always "Legal Zoom" and other sites that do inexpensive ones.

 

Third, TenCare does sound like a good option here but to answer your question, I believe that if you TAKE financial responsibility for them if they are, for example, admitted to the hospital, then you would be on the hook but only if you actually sign up for that trip...maybe you should sit down with your local hospital financial staff and explain your situation; they may be able to offer some insight that none of us have thought of.

[Jonnin]

One way to handle it that may work:

 

This guy sounds like the kind of guy that would love to get  *something* for free.   So... I suspect he would be tempted to allow you POA and possibly even custody if you said you wanted to get them onto your medical plan.   The old "its for the children" and "I am only trying to help" line.   If he seems friendly about it all, who knows, maybe you can adopt or at least work out the medical.   If he seems hostile about it,  back off, just say you were trying to help and concerned about emergencies. 

 

Emergencies like breaking a leg, the emergency room is required to treat you regardless of your ability to pay.   Where you get issues are big bad stuff like childhood cancer or other things that do not require emergency room visits but actual doctor office stuff.    In the emergency room, I am not sure they have to have parent authorization to treat, if its BAD.   If it is not bad, you will have to have the guy come sign off.   Dunno about a busted leg, but if the kid were dying from being shot, they would treat first and ask after. 

[Monkeyman2500]

God bless you sir. You are doing a great thing for those kids. I wish I could help but have zero experience in that situation. There will be others here though that can help. Good luck.

[ncomarc]

Thanks again for the replies and PM - I just wanted to hear others experience and advice to make sure I covered as much information as I can before getting a lawyer as a last resort. I'll be using the methods described to try and influence my BIL to do the right thing. Didn't want to reach out to a lawyer till I felt comfortable enough about the situation. He's still in MO and we don't know when he'll bring paperwork to get the kids registered for school.

[JayC]

I'm going to make a completely different suggestion than anybody else...  it seems this guy is willing to let you take the kids and raise them...  I'd do everything in my power to not spook him...  I'd find a local family attorney to draw up a simple temporary guardianship agreement that clearly (in english) says he can revoke it at anytime.  The document should indicate the ability of the guardian to approve medical and educational decisions concerning the kids.

 

This should cost a couple of hundred dollars, and then just get him to sign it...  tell him it's needed to get the kids enrolled in school legally here.

 

I'd think the last thing you'd want to do right now is spook this guy into coming back and grabbing his kids and taking them back to MO...  I'd do everything in your power to keep it friendly and upbeat, and make it seem like the document is just another thing you need in TN to get the kids enrolled in school, and he can change his mind at anytime.

[LagerHead]

I have spoken to an attorney about a similar situation that I am in.  I have a 4 year old step daughter whose biological father sounds pretty much like the father of your nieces and nephew.  If anything were to happen to my wife the plan is that I will attempt to raise my step daughter so that she does not go to her father.  My attorney said that the best thing to do sometimes in these cases is nothing.  Meaning don't petition the court to do anything to get legal custody or financial assistance.  I know in our situation and likely in yours as well the father won't do anything unless prodded.  My step daughters father would probably never say a thing, unless I asked him to give me legal custody, then he would be marching right down to the court house.  I can't speak to the insurance thing, hopefully someone who can will chime in.  Seems like insurance is the biggest concern here.  Hats off to you sir for stepping up to the plate!

 

His situation is slightly different though since these aren't "his" kids through marriage either. He is going to get legal custody of them through the courts in order to provide medical insurance for them and to enroll them in school.