2008 Darwin awards.............

[Volzfan]

You've been waiting for them, so without further ado

here are the 2008 Darwin awards.

Eighth Place

In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in

two feet of water after squeezing head first through an

18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally

zoned when he ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot

high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole

for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach

chair at the bottom when it t collapsed, burying him beneath

5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and

shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It

took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to

free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the

ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was

caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth

to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as

he hit the floor.

Fourth Place

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet

with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded

with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked

at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather &

Firearms intent on robbing the store.

The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer

was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the

would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild

shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly

returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns

and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by

Paramedics.

Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge

cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23

gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7

different weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONORABLE MENTION

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just

driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of

dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen.

Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when

one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped

from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The

conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped

along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at

the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had

brought a bungee rope.

Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and

pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by.

They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied

the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the

cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He

miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was

rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was

never located.

AND THE WINNER IS...

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn, Germany ) fed

his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and

more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the

plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting

to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the

relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the

elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt

to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the

elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of

him.

It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that

proves. '**** happens'.

THEY WALK AMOUNG US....

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR

REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.

[memphismason]

I have always enjoyed reading the award honors

[ukerduker]

I believe the 3rd place finisher was cheated. He should have won this year. :screwy:

[molonlabetn]

I think the fellow who ran off the cliff should have earned a bit higher ranking... How do you do that?

[Guest db99wj]

Those are always great!

That saying "you can't fix stupid" is true, "YOU" can't, stupid just seems to work itself out!

[Guest pjblurton]

I believe the 3rd place finisher was cheated. He should have won this year. :screwy:

So if the police found 47 expended cartridges and 23 gunshot wounds from 7 seperate weapons, that means 24 rounds missed the mark and of the 23 hits from 7 guns, thats like 33% success rate from 7 people.

Damn! I wouldn't want to be in the same zip code as this guy.

[Guest GUTTERbOY]

I'm having trouble seeing how the winner beats out the other idiots. The way I understand Darwin awards is that you become honored by doing something stupid and getting killed. I fail to see how providing veterinary care is stupider than trying to hold up a gun shop, or attempting to bungee jump using a non-elastic cord.

[Guest nraforlife]

So if the police found 47 expended cartridges and 23 gunshot wounds from 7 seperate weapons, that means 24 rounds missed the mark and of the 23 hits from 7 guns, thats like 33% success rate from 7 people.

Damn! I wouldn't want to be in the same zip code as this guy.

Now it would be interesting to trace what guns fired what missed rds. Course the LEO hit all of his so the missed rds HAD to be from the others.

[Guest Mugster]

I'm having trouble seeing how the winner beats out the other idiots. The way I understand Darwin awards is that you become honored by doing something stupid and getting killed. I fail to see how providing veterinary care is stupider than trying to hold up a gun shop, or attempting to bungee jump using a non-elastic cord.

Killed by an elephant's jet of compressed crap beats holding up a gun shop anyday in my book. And the bungee guy lived...sans a foot.

I'll be more careful next time i break out the olive oil on my elephant.

[Guest Linoge]

I think the fellow who ran off the cliff should have earned a bit higher ranking... How do you do that?

Seconded. I mean, after a while, even my miniscule brain disconnects while I am jogging, but I like to think I would notice the fact that there was no ground in front of me.

As for the gunshop, that is both encouraging (that the moron got what he wanted - a whole lot of lead) and discouraging (that so much lead failed to find its appropriate future owner). I wonder what their insurance thought of this whole thing?

And... yeah... being thrown/smothered/crushed by 200 pounds of projectile defecation? That wins.

[Guest db99wj]

Seconded. I mean, after a while, even my miniscule brain disconnects while I am jogging, but I like to think I would notice the fact that there was no ground in front of me.

As for the gunshop, that is both encouraging (that the moron got what he wanted - a whole lot of lead) and discouraging (that so much lead failed to find its appropriate future owner). I wonder what their insurance thought of this whole thing?

And... yeah... being thrown/smothered/crushed by 200 pounds of projectile defecation? That wins.

Ummmm, my mind (and body) is wishing for that cliff to jump off of when I'm running! I am up to 2.4 miles per run, 3 times a week!