Laws of golf

[bubbiesdad]

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have inner peace knowing that a worse one is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3: Brand-new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in any lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have also been known to be partly made with this most unusual natural alloy.

LAW 4: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a middle linebacker, a professional wrestler, an IRS agent and Mike Tyson -- or some similar combination.

LAW 5: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water. See LAW 3.

LAW 6: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

LAW 7: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 8: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.

LAW 9: Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive doink is really the beginning of the next group of three.

LAW 10: It's surprisingly easy to hole a 30-foot putt when you're lying 8.

LAW 11: Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

LAW 12: It's not a gimme if you're still four feet away.

LAW 13: The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

LAW 14: You can hit a two-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a two inch branch 90% of the time.

LAW 15: Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make a double- or triple-bogey to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

LAW 16: If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to use it to lay up just short of a water hazard.

LAW 17: There are two things you can learn by stopping your back swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: How many hands you have, and which one is jammed into the glove.

LAW 18: A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is certainly not yours.

[Trekbike]

Those are exactly the reasons I don't play golf anymore.

[Chadastrophic]

Law 19: During any professional tournament you must yell Ba Ba Boey after every tee shot.

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[hardknox00001]

Ah yes, cow pasture pool

[Mike.357]

after a lifetime of golf, and thirty years of on and off golf being a career I have simply decided the game is detestable.  Cheaper than ammo anymore though.

[Lumber_Jack]

after a lifetime of golf, and thirty years of on and off golf being a career I have simply decided the game is detestable. Cheaper than ammo anymore though.

I could be a real good golfer by the time this ammo drought is over...or not, but better anyhow

[Guest sL1k]

The only time I have went golfing was also close to the drunkest I have ever been.

[Mike.357]

going from 100 to 89 is easy peasy.  Going from 89 to par is damn near impossible for most humans. Thats why PGA tour players make bank.

[Oh Shoot]

Remember, if if you really get hooked on it, this old adage:

 

"Golf is not a matter of life or death ....

 

 

... it's much more important than that." :)

 

I'd pretty much given it up finally over the last 8 years or so, but was just thinking about walking on somewhere the other day, and then I injured my already problematic arm. Maybe it was divine intervention.

 

I could never get below about an 8 even when I played all the time, just because of putting. Just don't have that magic, and it got me to where I didn't even enjoy that part of the game, which is sort of self-defeating to appreciate the whole crazy thang golf really is.

 

- OS