Fathers with parenting plan (question)

[Guest moreland281]

Have a quick question.

Ex is planning on moving my son from a murfreeboro school to a nashville metro school.

We have joint custody and have joint descisions on education.

I do not want him to move and have voiced this to her.

She stated she is moving him reguarless because she is the mother and has him more than me (PP states 182.5 days each, sounds joint to me) and she is going up there to have his information moved to metro but I have plans to reregister him at the school he has been going to for the last year.

Any other fathers been in this situtaion and how did it turn out?

PS selling some guns on the ee for attorney fees (if anyone is interested)

[TripleDigitRide]

First of all, I'm sorry that you're going through this.

Before obtaining full custody of my daughter nearly 2 years ago, I went through a similar situation with my daughters mother. The first thing you need to do is, get a court date set, ASAP. To be honest, you'll very likely lose the case, unless you have some real good reasoning behind not wanting son in Nashville schools. This will be especially true if he lives within the Davidson County school zones.

I don't blame you one bit for not wanting your son to stay out of the Davidson County school system. That is the #1 reason for me moving to the Hendersonville area. I did not want my daughter going to Nashville's schools.

P.S. Joint Custody means very little in the State of Tennessee. Even without it [JC], you have the very same rights as a non-custodial parent that you'd have if you simply had visitation every other weekend.

Edited July 28, 2008 by TripleDigitRide

[BimmerFreak]

I will echo the fact that I am sorry you are dealing with this.

I have two personal situations that may not give you much hope:

1. My exwife moved our daughter (joint custody) from CA to TN about 5 years ago.

I fought her tooth and nail in the courts, and to make a long story short; I now live in TN. (which has worked out very well for me, so I guess I cant be too mad)

2. I met my now wife 4 years ago and she moved her and her son to Winchester when we got married. Her ex fought her in court, and could not stop the move.

The first thing I would do (which im sure you may have already done) is sit down with the ex and discuss WHY she wants to move him.

See if you can explore all issues with her, including your relationship with the child.

Next, you may want to contact a very good lawyer, and seek their advice.

You have an uphill battle here, but I wish you the best of luck.

[Guest canynracer]

As a father with sole custody of three, I can tell you that there is not a lot you can do unless you have valid reasons for stopping it.

What it boils down to is what is best for your son, not what is more convenient to you, or your ex. As Hero stated, you should sit down with your ex and talk rationally. cause at the end of the day, there is one life out of three that is affected the most out of all of this, and it is not your ex's, or yours. I too am from CA, and I moved to TN WITH my kids...needless to say, the ex followed...we worked out our differences over the last 3 yrs, and we are now re-married (as of St Pattys day '08), and very happy. We have no other family here, its just us 5...we have a different relationship...

Try to be as supportive as possible and determine if the battle is for you, or what is best for your son.

Maybe find a compromise...instead of selling guns for an attorney, maybe use that money for a private school? just a thought...

I will echo the others and say sorry you are going through this, and try your best to keep positive with your son, because nobody KNOWS how he feels except him, others guess.

God bless, and good luck!

Edited July 28, 2008 by canynracer

[Guest moreland281]

Thanks for the info. She will not set down and talk about everything because he feels she was cheated in the PP to begin with.

removed because I didn't want to me mean and that was fairly mean (trying to tech my son and being wrong myself just didnt' set right)

(She says gas is to expensive)

Edited July 28, 2008 by moreland281

[TripleDigitRide]

Thanks for the info. She will not set down and talk about everything because he feels she was cheated in the PP to begin with.

So if the show was on the other foot would I be ok to up and move his schools with out her permision? (I'm listed as the primary parent)

Her reason for moving him is she got knocked up by her boyfriend, moved in with him in antioch and doesn't want to drive to murfreesboro anymore.

(She says gas is to expensive)

When you say you have "Joint Custody", does this mean he lives with you roughly the same number of days as he lives with her? Or, do you have a scheduled visitation (every weekend, every other weekend, ect,)?

How is your son's time split between you and his mother?

[Luckyforward]

I know you hate to spend the money for an attorney, but you very much need to get a legal opinion on your options.

Hold on to your relationship with your son, and do not speak ill of his mother to him. Despite your pain and frustration, don't put him in the position of being the recipient of comments about his mother (no matter how true they might be) or his feeling that he must choose one of you over the other. Individualize and strengthen the relationship between the two of you, no matter where he ends up in school.

I am very sorry for your situation.

[Guest moreland281]

That is one thing I WILL NOT DO is talk bad about her to him or with him around me. But I wish I could say the same about her.

We both have him 182.5 days each a year (Sun-thur morn, thur morn-sun) I'm the thur to sun part, But I do get him every after noon from school too.

[Luckyforward]

I understand well . . . my ex and I "agreed" to never speak ill of each other to our daughters.

I have always kept my side of the bargain . . .

Hang on, my friend. You have a young man who needs you.

[Guest moreland281]

Thank you for the words everyone.

[TripleDigitRide]

Damn. I really feel for ya on this one. If your mind is made up, a call to a good lawyer should be your next step. Many of them will talk with you on the phone for a few minutes. Explain the situation, get some sound feedback, and go from there.

If it were me, I'd try to get a free phone call out of a few different lawyers, if possible. This way you can get a better idea of your real options. If they/you feel like you have a real case in your favor, it may be worth going to court. I'm not sure I'd sell everything I own just for the fight of it.

It sounds like you're gonna have to pick your battles when dealing with his mother. I had to do the very same thing. I sat back, waited for her to really f**k up, and I pounced like a fat cat. By time it was over, there was no doubt in anyones mind that she was not a fit parent. I now have full custody of my daughter. Her mother doesn't even have visitation.

Best of luck to you and your son.

[Luckyforward]

Damn. I really feel for ya on this one. If your mind is made up, a call to a good lawyer should be your next step. Many of them will talk with you on the phone for a few minutes. Explain the situation, get some sound feedback, and go from there.

If it were me, I'd try to get a free phone call out of a few different lawyers, if possible. This way you can get a better idea of your real options. If they/you feel like you have a real case in your favor, it may be worth going to court. I'm not sure I'd sell everything I own just for the fight of it.

It sounds like you're gonna have to pick your battles when dealing with his mother. I had to do the very same thing. I sat back, waited for her to really f**k up, and I pounced like a fat cat. By time it was over, there was no doubt in anyones mind that she was not a fit parent. I now have full custody of my daughter. Her mother doesn't even have visitation.

Best of luck to you and your son.

.

Very, very well said, sir

[Guest canynracer]

Thanks for the info. She will not set down and talk about everything because he feels she was cheated in the PP to begin with.

So if the show was on the other foot would I be ok to up and move his schools with out her permision? (I'm listed as the primary parent)

Her reason for moving him is she got knocked up by her boyfriend, moved in with him in antioch and doesn't want to drive to murfreesboro anymore.

(She says gas is to expensive)

I hear ya man...it doesnt seem like a very good reason to uproot the child from all of his friends just cause it inconvieninces her...especially if he stayed out of trouble, and likes his school.

but I digress...I would say to contact a lawyer and get some advice...I know we have some on the board..hopefully they will be along.

Maybe TDR can lend you HIS lawyer..LOL...sounds as ruthless as mine was...LOL

[TripleDigitRide]

Maybe TDR can lend you HIS lawyer..LOL...sounds as ruthless as mine was...LOL

Fortunately, I didn't use a lawyer. Much of this stuff can be taken care of without a lawyer. My ex didn't have the money for a lawyer, so I didn;t spend mine. If she would have had a lawyer with her, I would have been forced to do the same, but it worked out for the better. Although, I did contact a lawyer I had used in the past. She was willing to spend a few minutes on the phone. She told me what direction I needed to take, and I went from there.

[Guest moreland281]

Cool

I will contact my divorce lawyer and see what she says about it (she will do that for free as I have sat down with her before)

Thanks again

To be continued

[Luckyforward]

Keep us posted . . . while we cannot help your situation, we offer our support to you.

[BimmerFreak]

Keep us posted . . . while we cannot help your situation, we offer our support to you.

+1

I wish the best of luck! I hope that both parents are able to keep focus on who its really all about.

[Luckyforward]

+1

I wish the best of luck! I hope that both parents are able to keep focus on who its really all about.

Exactly . . . that's what it is all about. Mom and Dad may hate each other, but they MUST unite around their child/children

[Guest Alpha Dog]

It's unfortunate that you are having to go through that.

An option no one mentioned that you may want to consider is going to mediation.

Unlike a court date with a lawyer, which is purely adversarial (a winner and a loser); mediation is with a neutral party (mediator) and in mediation the 2 of you make all the decisions (as close to win-win as you are gonna get)...in court, the judge makes the decisions.

So, in mediation, you are in control of the outcome, in court, you are not.

Nowadays, in TN, you must go through mediation if you are getting divorced. You can always go back to mediation if you want or need to revise the parenting plan.

Mediation is cheaper than going to court, less adversarial, and you make the decisions.

I've seen the mediation process work where there were 2 parties who did not think they could agree.

Of course, a lot depends on the mediator. TN supreme Court has what they call Rule 31. People trained as Rule 31 mediators are highly trained to be neutral and effective mediators.

Some people who mediate are not Rule 31 trained. Without stepping on too many toes, suffice to say that they are not trained to or held to the same high standards that Rule 31 mediators must adhere to.

Anyway, you might consider asking the ex if she would agree to mediate. Then, go to the Administrative Office of the Courts web site and you can locate a Rule 31 mediator who serves your county. Get a judge to issue an agreed order appointing the Rule 31 mediator and have at it.

Sounds like I like Rule 31 mediators? I not only like them, I am one. Rule 31 Family mediator, General/Civil mediator, and specially trained in Domestic Violence issues.

Whatever you do, I hope it works out as best it can for you and your child.

[Guest Engloid]

As a father with sole custody of three, I can tell you that there is not a lot you can do unless you have valid reasons for stopping it.

What it boils down to is what is best for your son, not what is more convenient to you, or your ex.

By saying there's little he can do, you're assuming that the move is best for his son.

From what I gather, she will have to go to court and prove that the move is best...IF the father takes it to court. In the meantime, I would suggest contacting the school system he's gone to previously, and the one she wants to get him into. There's no telling how they will handle the situation. They may side with you and say that they will only let him go to school where he preiously did, until they get a court order or agreement of both parents. Also, get a lawyer. A good lawyer will file for an injunction to prevent her from moving your son until the case goes to court.

[Guest nraforlife]

Why don't you talk to the ex about splitting the cost and put your son in a private school? BGA in Franklin is far far far superior to anything Nashville Metro could offer. Course I think government schools are frauds to the population but thats just my opinion.