England is Safe due to Gun Control

[Guest gcrookston]

Ya know, you can get stastics to say whatever you want, almost 90% of the time...

Since England has enforced some of the most restrictive laws on ownership of private firearms on the planet, their police had to arm themselves with firearms to protect themselves (something not done previously)...

But true enough, violence is down... sorta....

or maybe not...

Well, really not. BUT, compared to the U.S., Gun Violence almost is sorta down, way down (if you only count the legally owned guns used in crime - which would be near zero now), while violence in England remains, well, somewhat unchanged or maybe a bit up (or way down if you just consider the gun part of it)...

English law makers, after determining they could not outlaw illegal guns twice without overburdening the Taxpayer, now have determined Knives are now the most dangerious threat...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1546085/The-vagaries-of-UK-knife-crime-statistics.html

With Black Assault Knives being the most dangerous and greatest threat faced since the Nazi Buzz Bombs:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1035729/Britain-alert-deadly-new-knife-exploding-tip-freezes-victims-organs.html

And since most types of dangerious knives in England are also already banned and otherwise restricted, without any evidence of reducing crime,

a study is now underway to consider banning the Fork. Since outlawing most types of knives that have already been outlawed might be mistaken for another step towards silliness, this appears to be the only prudent course.

Yes, Fork Violence in England is up, my friends, way up (a new study will soon show). Parlament will need to deal with violent fork owners next...

Obviously, Britain leads the way to legislating safety for all man-kind and should be an example to us all.

[nightrunner]

what next? banning rusty spoons?

[Guest gcrookston]

what next? banning rusty spoons?

All fine English cutlery will eventually be replaced by the Spork... Spork ownership will be restricted. Only those passing a thorough backround check, urine sample and 15 hour training course will be registered licenses to purchase sporks. Each spork will be registered and micro engraved. There will be a 15 day waiting period for replacing broken or lost Sporks while more statistics are gathered, analyzed, misinterpreted and applied towards further legislation. Members of parliment feel these steps are necessary to reduce picnic-on-picnic crime...

Edited July 26, 2008 by gcrookston

[nightrunner]

that looks like that would be easy to gouge somebodies eye out with.

[strickj]

Are the F`ing kidding?

I guess thats what happens when you think with emotion

[Guest Mugster]

All fine English cutlery will eventually be replaced by the Spork... Spork ownership will be restricted. Only those passing a thorough backround check, urine sample and 15 hour training course will be registered licenses to purchase sporks. Each spork will be registered and micro engraved. There will be a 15 day waiting period for replacing broken or lost Sporks while more statistics are gathered, analyzed, misinterpreted and applied towards further legislation. Members of parliment feel these steps are necessary to reduce picnic-on-picnic crime...

I smell spork registration. I assume oracle will donate the database software free of charge.

[Guest gcrookston]

I smell spork registration. I assume oracle will donate the database software free of charge.

I figure if they'd locked up the violent forkers in the first place and thrown away the key, it wouldn't have come to this...

[Guest nraforlife]

Might as well ban dentists the way their teeth look

[Guest Verbal Kint]

Dude... sporks kick ass! ThinkGeek.com sells titanium sporks, that I've had my eye on for quite some time.

[Guest Major Pain]

When I get mine I'm gonna modify it to a short handle tacti-spork.--MP

[Guest gcrookston]

When I get mine I'm gonna modify it to a short handle tacti-spork.--MP

I'm working on a patent for a vertical grip/flashlight/lazer adapter for sporks now, using a proprietary mounting system.

But, back to the heart of the matter, what we have here is a country it's people have promoted the government as overseer and protector...

One of the few things JFK ever said that I agree with "ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do for your country"

We are free people being dragged down in a sea of socialistic entitlements.

:tinfoil:

[Moped]

Dude... sporks kick ass! ThinkGeek.com sells titanium sporks, that I've had my eye on for quite some time.

COOL! I'm goona get mine and get it done up in Duracoat Tactical Black!!! The Banners will REALLY love that!

[Guest Verbal Kint]

COOL! I'm goona get mine and get it done up in Duracoat Tactical Black!!! The Banners will REALLY love that!

Im going FDE on mine. Black is so last year.

[towerclimber37]

now now..those tactical sporks and the short handled sporks you speak of will ALL have to be registered. You're going to be required to pay an exhorbitant amount of money in order to own such things! after all, it IS a spork still and the government can tax it. you are required to know where it is at all times and you are responsible for it...if your spork is stolen YOU will be charged for allowing that to happen.

remember, sporks take lives so keep them away from children!

[nightrunner]

i can hear it now, "the same spork that killed mary is now making johnny fat."

[Mike.357]

Be sure to Join the N.U.A. (nationalutensilassociation.com) soon

You membership fees will ensure lobbying of our legistature. Without this lobbying eating utensils may soon be banned. Already there is talk among liberals of registering serrated butter knives.

The libs go on to say we will never have to worry about our salad forks, as they are only after the most dangerous and lethal utensils on peoples dining tables. Chuck Schumer was quoted as saying that each home will be allowed one knife for the purpose of cutting, and that knife must be registered to a legal age occupant of the home. Dianne Fienstein went on to say that no home needs more than one knife. Her exact words were " no one needs more than one knife for cutting, and we are not interested in your nonserrated table knives so stop worrying"

Well I am not believing the libs on this, I have joined the N.U.A. and I urge you to do the same.

[Guest nj.piney]

spork locks will be required at all times the spork is not in use. its for the children.

[Im Neero]

You guys are funny. I don't know why you're all so infatuated with those new tactisporks. My standard field issue kalishnispoon has never failed me. Sure it doesn't have the accuracy of all those little tines, but as soon as you get into some freezer burned ice cream or extra thick rations, we'll see who's utensil still works.

[molonlabetn]

I love England... they make me feel proud to be an American.

[Guest tadams]

Don't laugh too hard at the spork commentary:

Seattle Times Article

"The foam ban will take place in two stages. In January, polystyrene and Styrofoam containers, such as clamshell boxes at takeout restaurants, will be banned at food-service businesses. In July 2010, the ban will expand to include plastic utensils and plastic food containers. Those business will have to switch to compostable or recyclable alternatives."

Glenn Beck actually covered this a little the other evening, too.

Glenn Beck transcript 07/30/08

Now... have you stopped laughing long enough to cry, throw stuff at the wall, actually participate in a spork uprising, or simply marvel at another unbelievable loss of liberty?

BTW, the domain nationalutensilassociation.com is not yet taken. For about 8 bucks a year, you can start the campaign off right.

Edited August 1, 2008 by tadams
Added pic

[Guest tnjimbob]

EBS - evil black spork

SBR - spork barrelled... wait.

(must... avoid... obvious... thread hijack opportunity...)

[Guest SUNTZU]