This IS FUNNY . . . but no one will LOOK . . .so PLEASE DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Luckyforward]

AMBUIGUITY

1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL

THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, 'WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP

SECTION?' SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF PERSON SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH

SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT

CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10 . IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO 'GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?'

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATIN G AN ENDANGERED

PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL

CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO

REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD

SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED 'HEMORRHOIDS' INSTEAD OF 'ASSTEROIDS'?

31. WHY IS I T CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME

DISORIENTED?

34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

[nightrunner]

thats great!

btw, i read the last one too

[Oh Shoot]

Most all of those are Steven Wright or George Carlin, I believe.

So sorry that we lost George.

Wright's had a much lower profile the last few years, but still at it.

- OS

[Paletiger13]

WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED 'HEMORRHOIDS' INSTEAD OF 'ASSTEROIDS'?

[Guest Valkyrie]

Very funny!

[Guest canynracer]

Why do you park in a driveway, and drive in a parkway?

Why does unscented hairspray smell?

If Dennys is open 24x7x365 and thier slogan is "Always Open" why do they have locks on thier doors?

-Gallagher

[Luckyforward]

Most all of those are Steven Wright or George Carlin, I believe.

So sorry that we lost George.

Wright's had a much lower profile the last few years, but still at it.

- OS

Wasn't George great? I loved his weather report . . .

[Guest eyebedam]

Good Stuff

[Luckyforward]

thanks 2 all