July 4th speech

[Guest Revelator]

This is great. I got this as an email several years ago. I've kept it all this time because it's so good, even if now it's a little dated.

I swear. If the President (or any of this year's candidates, even) came out and gave a speech like this...wow...I'd be dancing in the street. I can only wish. Here it is:

What follows is the text of a presidential address to be given by

President Bush on July 4, 2003. The source of this material remains

unidentified.

My fellow Americans:

As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed. The

discovery and destruction of all weapons of mass destruction have been

covered thoroughly in the press. A new Iraqi government has been

established and appears to be stable.

Our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American

forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days.

It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries

which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is

short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are

some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the

world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be

distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those

nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved

during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the

Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world

hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the out years, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this

money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.

I am ordering the immediate withdrawal of all US forces from Kuwait,

Saudi Arabia, and all other Middle Eastern nations. Leave us alone.

Solve your own problems. Need help? Call Germany.

On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we

will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face

of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or

maybe China.

Regarding the nation of Israel, I have this to say. It seems like

everybody has forgotten what happened to European Jewry during the 1930s

and World War II. Our nation will never permit the destruction of

Israel. No way, Jose. Nevertheless, to Israel and the Palestinian

Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp

David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations.

They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too.

I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France,

Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring

from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN

diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid

tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and

crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your

tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be

turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New

York.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going

to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not

pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and

his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have

a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where

I'm gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with

your oil. Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA

treaty---starting now.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.

Some will accuse us of isolationism.

I answer them be saying darn tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help

folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying

enmity of just about everyone on the planet.

It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate

homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from

America.

To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.

God bless America.

Thank you and good night.

[Guest Major Pain]

I believe if any candidate gave that speech there would be dancing in the streets in cities across America.--MP

[deerslayer]

I seriously doubt any American politician would give that speech.

[Guest Major Pain]

Yeah, most of the crap for brains politicians we have would be afraid it would cost them a vote so none would have the balls to say it. We can always wish.--MP

[Guest bkelm18]

If a candidate had the balls to give that speech, they'd get my vote.

[Guest db99wj]

THat would be great.

[Volzfan]

If a candidate had the balls to give that speech, they'd get my vote.

Mine too!!

It would never happen though.