"I Am Adam Lanza's Mother" -- A Look at Mental Illness -- The Real Issue

[xRUSTYx]

Absolutely THE best article to date!  Some stunning facts, and truth's regarding today's mental illness epidemic and associated gun violence due to mental illness.

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/16/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother-mental-illness-conversation_n_2311009.html

 

http://gawker.com/5968818/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother

 

 

 

I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother

by:  Liza Long

 

Three days before 20-year-old Adam Lanza killed his mother, then opened fire on a classroom full of Connecticut kindergartners, my 13-year-old son Michael (name changed) missed his bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants.

 

"I can wear these pants," he said, his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises.

 

"They are navy blue," I told him. "Your school's dress code says black or khaki pants only."

 

"They told me I could wear these," he insisted. "You're a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to. This is America. I have rights!"

 

"You can't wear whatever pants you want to," I said, my tone affable, reasonable. "And you definitely cannot call me a stupid bitch. You're grounded from electronics for the rest of the day. Now get in the car, and I will take you to school."

 

I live with a son who is mentally ill. I love my son. But he terrifies me.

 

A few weeks ago, Michael pulled a knife and threatened to kill me and then himself after I asked him to return his overdue library books. His 7- and 9-year-old siblings knew the safety plan—they ran to the car and locked the doors before I even asked them to. I managed to get the knife from Michael, then methodically collected all the sharp objects in the house into a single Tupperware container that now travels with me. Through it all, he continued to scream insults at me and threaten to kill or hurt me.

 

That conflict ended with three burly police officers and a paramedic wrestling my son onto a gurney for an expensive ambulance ride to the local emergency room. The mental hospital didn't have any beds that day, and Michael calmed down nicely in the ER, so they sent us home with a prescription for Zyprexa and a follow-up visit with a local pediatric psychiatrist.

 

We still don't know what's wrong with Michael. Autism spectrum, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant or Intermittent Explosive Disorder have all been tossed around at various meetings with probation officers and social workers and counselors and teachers and school administrators. He's been on a slew of antipsychotic and mood-altering pharmaceuticals, a Russian novel of behavioral plans. Nothing seems to work.

 

At the start of seventh grade, Michael was accepted to an accelerated program for highly gifted math and science students. His IQ is off the charts. When he's in a good mood, he will gladly bend your ear on subjects ranging from Greek mythology to the differences between Einsteinian and Newtonian physics to Doctor Who. He's in a good mood most of the time. But when he's not, watch out. And it's impossible to predict what will set him off.

 

Several weeks into his new junior high school, Michael began exhibiting increasingly odd and threatening behaviors at school. We decided to transfer him to the district's most restrictive behavioral program, a contained school environment where children who can't function in normal classrooms can access their right to free public babysitting from 7:30 to 1:50 Monday through Friday until they turn 18.

 

The morning of the pants incident, Michael continued to argue with me on the drive. He would occasionally apologize and seem remorseful. Right before we turned into his school parking lot, he said, "Look, Mom, I'm really sorry. Can I have video games back today?"

 

"No way," I told him. "You cannot act the way you acted this morning and think you can get your electronic privileges back that quickly."

 

His face turned cold, and his eyes were full of calculated rage. "Then I'm going to kill myself," he said. "I'm going to jump out of this car right now and kill myself."

 

That was it. After the knife incident, I told him that if he ever said those words again, I would take him straight to the mental hospital, no ifs, ands, or buts. I did not respond, except to pull the car into the opposite lane, turning left instead of right.

 

"Where are you taking me?" he said, suddenly worried. "Where are we going?"

 

"You know where we are going," I replied.

 

"No! You can't do that to me! You're sending me to hell! You're sending me straight to hell!"

 

I pulled up in front of the hospital, frantically waving for one of the clinicians who happened to be standing outside. "Call the police," I said. "Hurry."

Michael was in a full-blown fit by then, screaming and hitting. I hugged him close so he couldn't escape from the car. He bit me several times and repeatedly jabbed his elbows into my rib cage. I'm still stronger than he is, but I won't be for much longer.

 

The police came quickly and carried my son screaming and kicking into the bowels of the hospital. I started to shake, and tears filled my eyes as I filled out the paperwork—"Were there any difficulties with… at what age did your child… were there any problems with.. has your child ever experienced.. does your child have…"

 

At least we have health insurance now. I recently accepted a position with a local college, giving up my freelance career because when you have a kid like this, you need benefits. You'll do anything for benefits. No individual insurance plan will cover this kind of thing.

 

For days, my son insisted that I was lying—that I made the whole thing up so that I could get rid of him. The first day, when I called to check up on him, he said, "I hate you. And I'm going to get my revenge as soon as I get out of here."

 

By day three, he was my calm, sweet boy again, all apologies and promises to get better. I've heard those promises for years. I don't believe them anymore.

 

On the intake form, under the question, "What are your expectations for treatment?" I wrote, "I need help."

 

And I do. This problem is too big for me to handle on my own. Sometimes there are no good options. So you just pray for grace and trust that in hindsight, it will all make sense.

 

I am sharing this story because I am Adam Lanza's mother. I am Dylan Klebold's and Eric Harris's mother. I am Jason Holmes's mother. I am Jared Loughner's mother. I am Seung-Hui Cho's mother. And these boys—and their mothers—need help. In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it's easy to talk about guns. But it's time to talk about mental illness.

 

According to Mother Jones, since 1982, 61 mass murders involving firearms have occurred throughout the country. Of these, 43 of the killers were white males, and only one was a woman. Mother Jones focused on whether the killers obtained their guns legally (most did). But this highly visible sign of mental illness should lead us to consider how many people in the U.S. live in fear, like I do.

 

When I asked my son's social worker about my options, he said that the only thing I could do was to get Michael charged with a crime. "If he's back in the system, they'll create a paper trail," he said. "That's the only way you're ever going to get anything done. No one will pay attention to you unless you've got charges."

 

I don't believe my son belongs in jail. The chaotic environment exacerbates Michael's sensitivity to sensory stimuli and doesn't deal with the underlying pathology. But it seems like the United States is using prison as the solution of choice for mentally ill people. According to Human Rights Watch, the number of mentally ill inmates in U.S. prisons quadrupled from 2000 to 2006, and it continues to rise—in fact, the rate of inmate mental illness is five times greater (56 percent) than in the non-incarcerated population.

 

With state-run treatment centers and hospitals shuttered, prison is now the last resort for the mentally ill—Rikers Island, the LA County Jail and Cook County Jail in Illinois housed the nation's largest treatment centers in 2011.

 

No one wants to send a 13-year-old genius who loves Harry Potter and his snuggle animal collection to jail. But our society, with its stigma on mental illness and its broken healthcare system, does not provide us with other options. Then another tortured soul shoots up a fast food restaurant. A mall. A kindergarten classroom. And we wring our hands and say, "Something must be done."

 

I agree that something must be done. It's time for a meaningful, nation-wide conversation about mental health. That's the only way our nation can ever truly heal.

 

God help me. God help Michael. God help us all.

 

liza long is an author, musician, and erstwhile classicist. she is also a single mother of four bright, loved children, one of whom has special needs.

 

Edited December 16, 2012 by xRUSTYx

[Oh Shoot]

Chilling. Truly.

[kieefer]

Thanks for posting, suggest everyone to copy and email to friends.

[Guest bkelm18]

Unfortunately in this country, we like to tackle secondary issues, not the main ones. It's easier to take away the guns from us heathens than it is to say precious little Jimmy needs help for his mental issues before he kills everyone.

[DaveTN]

If it’s true (who knows with all this internet hype right now), she makes very valid points. As a Police Officer I saw firsthand where mental patients committed crimes to get treatment.
 
But what do we do? The only places that we have that will handle these people with mental problems are jails and prisons, and they only hold them for short periods unless they kill someone. Hospitals or private facilities are only for those that can afford them. I would guess that is a small percentage of the people that need them.
 
Then you have the privacy issues. Mental patients are protected. If there was someone where to put them, who is going to expose them, who is going to get them on a list that will help keep them from being able to buy a weapon?
 
As this mother says….
 

 In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it's easy to talk about guns. But it's time to talk about mental illness.

We here are sure that the weapons bans will have no impact. Short of building facilities that will house mentally ill people I don’t that we have any answers. We are having trouble building prisons to house those that have committed crimes, let alone those that might, or are a danger.

[Smith]

Biggest question is why the sudden rise in "mental health cases"? Sure there is more reported now than in the past, but why the associated violence. If it were just a reporting issue then there would have had to been more cases of mass assault in the past, but that is not the case. I have believed this for some time that the main common factor is a shift in societal response to mental issues. We want to use drugs to alter people who may or may not be chemically altered already and in doing so I believe we are making mountains out of mole hills.

 

I watched my mother teach the "problem kids" in school who enjoyed learning in her class room. When she taught there was very little class disruption. Her "trick"? Teach each kid at his own pace. Some kids learn faster than others some learn slower. Most teachers can only teach at the speed they themselves learn which is usually in the middle leaving the fast kids bored and the slower kids frustrated. When these kids get frustrated or bored bad things begin to happen. When bad things happen our societal response is medication. 

 

It has been shown that only about 5% of children diagnosed with ADD/ADHD actually have a chemical imbalance and most of those children have imbalances due to prenatal drug abuse or some other outside chemical influence ie lead poising etc. However, the vast majority of kids with "diagnosed" ADD/ADHD are on some form of medication often times very strong medications. Chemically altering a child's mind that is in varied stages of development can not be a good thing.

 

I'm not against medication, but I believe that it is another way in which our society has taken responsibility out of the individuals hands and in turn blame something else. You have behavioral issues? - medicate. Home problems? - medicate. Relationship issue? - medicate. Coping issues? - medicate. IMO, Most of these kids just need structure, discipline, or a little different teaching approach and they can learn and behave as well as any "normal" kid.

 

Help them to learn that each individual is unique and different and that is is up to them to find a way to make it through. Most will need help along the way, but chemically making them "normal" doesn't seem to be working.

[Guest sL1k]

A friend I work with has a son that is described by what she said. I live in Chattanooga there are no programs in Chattanooga that will deal with a child with those issues unless you want to spend 40k a year. It is truly sad. Their only option would be pull up stakes and move or institutionalize him.

[TripleDigitRide]

There's no doubt in my mind that we have an issue when it comes to properly treating the mentally ill, but I see an even bigger issue in the number of parents who choose to completely ignore the fact that their child needs help. Many times the mental disorders are noticeable at a young age, but good luck convincing many parents that their child needs help. "Not my little Johnny."

[Links2k]

I say be weary of mental health diagnosis. My kids spent one year in public school when they were young. With the help of my mother in law (retired teacher with her masters degree) my kids were well prepared when they began school. The work was too easy and when my kids were not challenged academically they wanted to play.

Long story short they wanted my twins to get evaluated. My wife and I evaluated the public school system and decided that we would bite the bullet and pay for private school. Today my babies are juniors with exceptional grades and zero behavioral or discipline issues.

If you suspect that there is a problem, by all means please get your baby some help. Don't let a lazy teacher or impatient relative talk you into needlessly putting your kids on meds.

[G27]

Powerful article.

[Moped]

The article really makes you stop and think about how many parents there are out there, that are dealing with this on a daily basis.  It also makes me appreciate my children even more!

[Links2k]

The article really makes you stop and think about how many parents there are out there, that are dealing with this on a daily basis. It also makes me appreciate my children even more!

I agree. It has to be extremely difficult. Edited December 17, 2012 by LINKS2K

[TripleDigitRide]

I went through an ordeal where my 11-year-old daughter poisoned me by adding a mixture of Lysol and ammonia to my jug of Crystal Light. Yes, I got a few big ol' chugs down the hatch before I realized something was wrong.

Before the courts would finally grant me full custody of her at age 7, she was subjected to some extremely damaging situations while living with her mother and that side of the family. I knew the likelihood of dealing with psychological and emotional issues was all but a given, but the possibility of being poisoned was something that never crossed my mind.

The decision wasn't an easy one (although many on the outside assume it's a no-brainer), but I had her arrested. She (we) went through the process of being locked up, going to court, being placed on supervised probation, therapy, etc. It was a long, heart-wrenching experience for both of us, but I felt it had to be done.

We still had our ups and downs for a while, but it all paid off in the end. I still deal with some of the somewhat typical teenage stuff, but we are now closer than we've ever been. It's a constant work in progress, but I'd like to think she will grow up to be a wonderful woman and a productive member of society.

Dealing with a child who suffers with mental and emotional issues isn't easy, but much like other illnesses, the first step is the willingness to admit there IS a problem. Where your children are concerned, for countless reasons, that is often much easier said that done.
Edited December 17, 2012 by TripleDigitRide

[Guest 6.8 AR]

That's the intent of the article. The person who wrote it as much as says it. Whether or not it is fact, isn't what matters.

It is a story about those types of kids. I'd hate to have had to deal with my two with those conditions.

 

Links, sounds like our kids were given similar tracks. Both went to private schools except for one year. Public schools

around here were a couple years behind our two. They went back quickly.

[Djay3]

Years ago when I was in the mental health field, the pendulum was actively moving from inpatient to outpatient treatment modalities. It was an understandable "swing" considering an over dependancy on institutionalization and the longterm consequences for some patients. Now, it seems, the pendulum has swung too far and we are paying the price in terms of both patient safety and public safety. Whatever the answer, Ms. Long's poignant reply to this tragedy is a powerful statement. We all owe her our efforts to spread her story. It will serve to focus on the real issue and away from the trite, simplistic howlings of those who want to strip our freedoms.

Thank you Ms. Long.

[Guest Mad4rcn]

The article really makes you stop and think about how many parents there are out there, that are dealing with this on a daily basis.  It also makes me appreciate my children even more!

 

^ This

[MississippiBoy]

As someone in the mental health field let me say that there is a need for inpatient centers and/or residential programs for situations like this.

I work outpatient and once a week therapy and Med evaluation is not enough for some patients.

[Guest RevScottie]

Mental health care is practically non existent for people without insurance. I have a friend who has been treated as an outpatient off and on for most of his life. At 53 his parents are both dead and his sisters are afraid of him and can't care for him. He is delusional, psychotic, angry and violent. He has started abusing alcohol which makes it worse. He has threatened to kill multiple people, stalked young ladies and fantasizes of using them as sex slaves and killing them. He lives alone and his neighbors all fear him. With all of this documented by mental health care professionals and multiple complaints to local law enforcement there is nothing anyone will do until he acts out. Because of laws concerning mental health he can't be helped unless he admits he feels out of control. This is a horribly screwed up system. He will end up homeless or will harm someone or himself and it could all be prevented with a short institutional stay to get him back on his medication but everyone is powerless to do anything.