A Pirate Walks Into a Bar.....

[waynesan]

A pirate walked into a bar, and the

bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in awhile. What happened? You

look terrible.

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a

cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What

happened to your hand?"

The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and

got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook

but I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds

flew over. I looked up, and one of them s**t in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just

from bird s**t."

"It was my first day with the hook."

Edited October 30, 2012 by waynesan

[Caster]

More pirate humor

[hipower]

Aw, Caster, you scurvy dog. Took a few seconds to sink in...but good.

[Guest Broomhead]

Good one.

[Guest G23FM]

That is good....

[mcurrier]

President 0bama walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

The bartender looks up and says, "Wow! That's pretty cool. Where did you get him?"

The parrot says..."Kenya".

[Guest TNBrat]

President 0bama walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

The bartender looks up and says, "Wow! That's pretty cool. Where did you get him?"

The parrot says..."Kenya".

Oh that's just wrong! I like it though

Sent from iPad in the woods.

[vontar]

well, since it is a pirate thread.

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!". The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?". The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid". The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!!

[Raoul]

well, since it is a pirate thread.

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!". The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?". The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid". The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!!

Ah! Frenchmen.

[Guest Grout]

Hairlipped kid dresses as a pirate for Halloween.Goes up to a house knocks on the door and says "bick or beat" the home owner says "what" kid says "bick or beat" home owner says "oh trick or treat,what are you dressed as little boy".The boy replies"I'm a birate".Home owner says "what?",boy says"BIRATE!!" homeowner says "oh a pirate,well where are your buchaneers?" The boy says "UNDER MY BUCKIN' HAT!!!"

[TrickyNicky]

So a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of the front of his pants.

The bartender says "Hey, what's that sticking out of you parts?" To which the pirate replies

"Argh. I don't know, but its driving me nuts."

[Patton]

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Pirate Walking.

Pirate Walking who?

A pirate with 2 wooden legs!

[Guest sL1k]

This one you kinda have to say out loud.

What's the pirates favorite letter ?

Rrrrr!

Ah you think It would be but its really the C.