Conspiracy!

[Timestepper]

We Must Stop This Immediately!

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper . Groceries are heavier . And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street has become! This extension work was apparently done at night !! Very sneaky stuff..

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the youngsters. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a l ip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day, and he has aged so much that he didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor guy while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection ........Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them.. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 32 pair of pants a 42, or medium shirt as 'extra large? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and neck?

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? Heck ! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!

All I can do is pass along this warning: We are under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities. PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

PS: I am posting this to you in a larger font size, because something has caused my computer's regular fonts to be smaller than they once were. (They must be sneaking to my house and messing around with my computer. Probably CIA....!!!) Pretty scary stuff huh?

[Sam1]

I think someone had an all-night bender!

[Guest bkelm18]

Well, there went two minutes of my life.

Edited June 2, 2012 by bkelm18

[Timestepper]

I think someone had an all-night bender!

Naw, I wasn't bent until I got up this morning.

Well, there went two minutes of my life.

Wow, slow reader, huh? (Sorry, couldn't resist!)

I'd offer to make up for it by letting you have two minutes of my life, but after this, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want it.

[Defender]

I've noticed that too! Have you noticed also that "they" have managed to sneak in and do microsurgery on your arms as well? Apparently making them much shorter, so you have to hold a book at arms length to read it...and the secret drugs they administer to make me forgetful too. And how come when I see people I knew from High School, it seems THEY have all gotten to look so old, and I still look the same?

[Timestepper]

Yeah, and I've also noticed that the older I get, the worse my wife's hearing gets. Went to the doc yesterday and he gave me great news - told me to get a hot mama and be cheerful, but my wife claims he said, "You've got a heart murmur, be careful!" ...Sure wish she'd get her hearing checked!

[hornett22]

LOL

[gjohnsoniv]

Sounds the the signs of aging, but I'm one of those young'uns so what do I know? LOL

Sorry, just had to say that

Edited June 2, 2012 by gjohnsoniv

[Timestepper]

Sounds the the signs of aging, but I'm one of those young'uns so what do I know? LOL

Sorry, just had to say that

Hey, at least you've got an idea of what you have to look forward to (provided you can still remember it when you reach our age!)

[gjohnsoniv]

Yes, I will be sitting down one day reflecting, and saying "well, guess Timestepper was right after all..." Haha

[krunchnik]

Yup,I have noticed these changes also.I also think its a conspiracy,why would anyone move the floor farther away from my hands,I must be getting taller.i know this cant be because I know my arms are still the same length-too short.

[Sam1]

There was a movie, can't remember the name of it with Clint Eastwood starring, some military movie. He was in the bar complaining about getting old with the bartender and she told him something to the nature of ... Growing old is a privilege, there are a lot of people who never get to do it so stop complaining

[Timestepper]

There was a movie, can't remember the name of it with Clint Eastwood starring, some military movie. He was in the bar complaining about getting old with the bartender and she told him something to the nature of ... Growing old is a privilege, there are a lot of people who never get to do it so stop complaining

The movie was "Heartbreak Ridge." And I'm not really complaining. Hell, mostly I'm just glad that wrinkles don't hurt! (But thank you for your eloquence - I kinda' sorta remember something that someone, somewhere probably might've said sometime, too... I think...)

[Guest Ken]

Read this on a blog, "Growing old is mandatory, Growing UP is optional."

I'll try and hang on a few more.

Ken