Yoo hoo... bass players... lol!

[Steelharp]

http://www.thescoopnews.com/news/briefs/339/groupie-accidentally-sleeps-with-bass-player#.T4mmeA45VQ3.facebook

[Guest Lester Weevils]

That's funny. At least the gal was smart enough to avoid sleeping with a nerdy keyboard player.

Long ago played a week in the thriving metropolis of Galesburg IL. I had about 99 keyboards but the drummer toted lots of drums. Double kick drums, untold gratuitous floor toms and a full flying saucer attack of cymbals. The stage wasn't tiny but there wasn't room for my rig unless the drummer would sacrifice and do without a couple of obese floor toms or at least the latin percussion he rarely used. So the drummer claimed he couldn't do his artistic duty without every single one of those drums and I had to set up on the floor beside the stage. At least the bass player got to stand on stage!

Edited April 14, 2012 by Lester Weevils

[mikegideon]

I've known a lot of bass players over the years. They play simple parts on stage, but generally play a much bigger roll as a personalty in the band. At least we're giving drummers a short break

Edited April 14, 2012 by mikegideon

[Steelharp]

It is the biggest job in a band. The bassist is the ONLY one who has to be absolutely correct on every downbeat. The rest of us can manage to fudge a bit, but if the bass is wrong... the whole band is.

So, she really did get the most important guy. Just didn't know it.

[mikegideon]

Any of them will get her on the bus, which is the real goal to begin with

EDIT: I've known a lot of groupies over the years too. Some have good skills

Edited April 14, 2012 by mikegideon

[Steelharp]

EDIT: I've known a lot of groupies over the years too. Some have good skills

Lester Flatt: "How 'bout that, Paul? She'll swallow a ----, but she won't eat her onions." (Hamburgers on the bus after the "festivities.")

Edited April 14, 2012 by Steelharp

[mikegideon]

I knew you would get that comment

[Guest Lester Weevils]

There are so many tired old musician jokes. I still like em. Find lots of lists googling "musician jokes".

This one seems to have a good assortment, including some hadn't seen. http://www.ducksdeluxe.com/jokes.html

What do you do if your bassist is drowning?

Throw him his amp.

Saint Peter is checking in new arrivals in heaven...

"What did you do on Earth?"

"I was a surgeon. I helped the lame to walk."

"Well, go right on in through the Pearly Gates"

"What did you do on Earth?"

"I was a school teacher. I taught the blind to see."

"Fine .. go right on in through the Pearly Gates!"

"What did you do on Earth?"

"I was a musician. I helped make sad people happy."

"You can load in through the kitchen."

Somehow hadn't seen this one before--

Wedding Band Requests...

Dear Bandleader thank you for your letter. I really do think you have an

attitude problem and do want a few requests played if you don't mind. What

me and my wife were thinking was:

-Any Keith Jarrett composition from his solo series. Please arrange for

full ensemble and nothing in 4/4 please.

-Mahavishnu Orchestra, Dance of the Maya and please have the guitar player

play John Mcglaughlin's solo from the live performance Nov. 16, 1972 at

Chrysler Arena. My wife and I were at that show and particularly liked his

use of polyrhythmics. If you find it too difficult you can leave out the

feedback. Your choice.

-John Coltrane's duets with Pharaoh Sanders. I understand that their use of

atonality is not everyone's cup of tea, but my guests are usually fond of|

high register tenor saxes.

-We thought a little Stravinsky would be nice. We particularly like the

|Rite of Spring. If you want to use the sheet music it's OK. My husband

likes it about 1/4 note = 93 beats per minute.

-Then for the candle lighting ceremony, please learn Frank Zappa's "The

Great Wazoo". If you want to play it in the originally B flat, that would

be OK. And yes, cousin Jeannie does want to sing the baritone sax solo.

Please don't say no, it would hurt her feelings so.

-Finally we have built our own musical instruments (It's kind of a hobby

with us) and we would appreciate if you would use our instruments. None of

them are based upon a 12 tone scale or on common harmonics, but our 5 year

old son tells us it's not really that hard to transpose once you understand

the physics.

We would be happy to pay each member an extra $25 for any inconvenience.

Thank you and don't be late!

Mr. and Mrs. Snovly

[subsonic]

Why did the bassplayer cross the road?

He heard the chicken was a slut.

Disclaimer: I'm a bassplayer.