How not to lose your mind while watching the kids?

[Guest rolin808]

Ok open to suggestions cause I have 3 all under 7

[Murgatroy]

Find toys that you can all enjoy playing with.

My wife is frustrated about the gender identification with my daughter. Her favorite toys are LEGOs and Hot Wheels. She has most of the Star Wars sets (her favorite films as well) and over three hundred Hot Wheels.

I have tried to explain to my frustrated wife that our daughter is not having any issues understanding gender roles, she is playing with toys that not only does she enjoy, but toys she knows that Daddy will play with as well.

The two of us have spent many hours recreating scenes from Star Wars, as well as incorporating out own elements (such as the Storm Troopers crashing the Krusty Krab and arresting all of the Bikini Bottom regulars) and having a jolly ol' time.

My wife is disappointed as she still has her collection of Barbies from her childhood and out daughter (who loves dresses) won't play with Barbie, or the Dream House or anything else related to 'girl toys.' The question I ask my wife is simple "How many times do you get down into the floor to play with her?"

That is not to say that my wife isn't a good parent. She includes our daughter in her activities, such as sewing, cooking and other domestic duties, as do I. Out daughter loves to bake.

However, if you ask her what she wants to do when she grows up? She wants to be a mechanic and work on cars with Daddy.

Or a "Jedi, a bad one, with the red sword."

I am not claiming to be an expert on children by any stretch of the imagination, however I do understand how my daughter ticks. We are cut from the same cloth. I have found a way to connect with her, on her level and communicate in a fashion that she can understand and grasp. Today's children are very techno savvy. They inherently grasp electronics in a fashion that many adults can't. Adults are amazed at what a smart phone can do, yet a child accepts and expects the phone to do anything, after all, today they can.

Video games can be one way to breach the wall. The LEGO video games are not extremely violent, and they have basic problem solving skills. Mixing those with simple physical activities can get the child's wheels turning in their head while still exercising their bodies. For example after playing the Star Wars LEGO video game, I went out and picked up a pair of Nerf Swords for myself and my daughter. After we finish a level, we will go outside and pretend to be Jedi having a lightsaber duel.

Again, Star Wars is just my example as it works with my daughter. But using something that she likes I have been able to include it into films (giving us time to cuddle on the couch,) video games (which she enjoys and despite all the negative press does improve hand eye coordination,) building blocks (which teach problem solving skills and rudimentary engineering,) and out door activities (for exercise and burning off energy.)

My daughter is an only child and is five years old, so I am not sure how well that would translate to three children. However if there is something they can all agree too or somehow be coerced into accepting and enjoying, go for it. If you can get all the children into something that will help them bond with not only you as a parent, but each other, it will be beneficial for life.

Good luck. I have been blessed in the fact that my daughter has mostly been stress free, and well behaved, even if she is conniving and precocious to a dangerous degree with her mother. I have no idea where she learned that.

[Guest NYCrulesU]

I have two, ages 5 and 3. I'm with them a great deal of time. My wife and I work seperate shift days. So I have them alone a few days out of the week and my wife has them alone the other days. We are all together either vacation or sick days and certain times in the mornings.

I enjoy my children. They don't stress me, don't get "out of hand" and listen when spoken to.

I'm "old school" when it comes to parenting. I'm also prior service and a vet. Discipline and rules started from the time they could crawl.

Ask my daughters what the #1 rule is in our house, they will answer "Never lie to daddy".

I can't give a whole lot of advice to correct issues other than discipline, discipline and more discipline...of course with equal parts love.

I can only say that I know the keys to the success of our household. The peace we have here is because my children know, without a shadow of doubt, that I mean what I say. The rules of the house are very clear and never waiver. They are to be followed without question or hesitation.

Thwy also KNOW that they are loved. I hug and kiss my girls all day, any time I can. We read together, play together.....pray together....I constantly re-enforce all the good things they do and freat qualities they have.

But...there is never a doubt in their mind who the boss is. They understand, even at 5 & 3, that there are consequences for misbehaving. Those consequences are always the same....consistancy is probably the single most important tool to raising children....the consequences are a stern look, a stern talking to, and a punishment of some sort. Rarely...and I do mean rarely as in maybe once a month...do either of them need a swat on the rear end. Most often it's "time out" followed by loss of something thwy enjoy...i.e tv, dessert, treat from the store etc

I thank God every day for having two beautiful and well behaved daughters.

The keys?

- Discipline

- Consistancy

- Fear of consequence

- Unconditional love

In that order.

[Murgatroy]

The keys?

- Discipline

- Consistancy

- Fear of consequence

- Unconditional love

In that order.

I have to disagree with a fair bit of your post while agreeing at the same time. Discipline is important, as is consistency, however unconditional love should always be first. My daughter is a gift to me and my legacy to the world. I do not want to be the overbearing parent that forces her into a mold that I believe she should fit in order to make my life easier or more idealistic. Believing that my five year old won't lie to me is nice, but thinking that she has to grow up afraid of me is a very scary thought. Naively believing that my daughter will never make a mistake is even worse than the thought of the lengths she will go to hiding that mistake for fear that I will find out.

I understand the old school mentality. I also understand the children that were raised in this fashion that left home at eighteen and never spoke to their parents again.

I know that what you posted was only an excerpt of your philosophy and I am not trying to be confrontational. By no means am I a tree hugging liberal hippy "let the child choose their own path" parent. But I try to make sure that my daughter understands that when she makes a mistake, Daddy will not punish her unjustly because of it. After my daughter's first 'whoopin' I sat down with her, with tears still welling in her eyes and I explained to her how her actions had led to that. I was calm, and I spelled it out that Daddy still loved her, but if her actions were dangerous or destructive, she would be punished as such. The difference is that house rules and society's rules aren't always the same, and I want my daughter to understand the pros and cons of both so that she can function within the moral boundaries that she chooses when that time comes.

[Guest NYCrulesU]

Of course. I never said that my daughters weren't talked to after a punishment...and explained to why etc.

Just too much to type.

We have a very well balanced home. My girls are happy, healthy, intelligent and loved beyond words.

Afraid? Not of me, physically.

Afraid of disappointing me? Afraid of the consequences of unacceptable behavior? Most definitely.

Will they do wrong? Of course. No one is naive here.

Lying is the one thing that is not tolerated in my home. Nothing worse than a liar and a thief. And my daughters are taught that...and have been taught that since day 1.

If they want ro lie..they have to underarand that there are consquences. Just as they are taught that there is leniency and inderatanding when the teuth is told...even if thwy have done something wrong or made a mistake.

I.E Making a mistake is ok...it can be corrected with guidance. Doing something wrong (deliberately) brings consequences. Tell the truth....punishment is less severe. Lie about it? The punishment is 10x severe.

The one constant....they know, at a very young age, the rules of this home. There is no confusion, no second guessing, no "I dont know why I'm in trouble". Explanations either follow or come before punishments.

The rules that are taught in the home, will serve they out if the home and into their adult life.

My daughters are funny, polite, sweet, show empathy, consideration for others, confidence, know responsibility of chores with a weekly allowance as reward (work ethic), they look out for each other, my 5 yr old cleans her room without being told and recruits her 3 yr old sister to help, they put their own dishes in the sink, turn off lights when leaving a room....they know to turn their tv off and light off and head to the bathroom to wash their hands when called for dinner.....

I couldn't ask for two better children. It's been hard work...and will continue to be hard work. It's called consistancy. They know what's expected of them day in and day out. Yet...they are still children. They make mistakes..and need guidance daily.

What we DON'T have.....are animalistic brats who yell, scream, cry when to "no". We DON'T door slammers, toy breakers, disobedient little mongoloids. We DON'T have kids who wild run around the store not listen or who have to be yelled at and spanked daily.

One look or a nod of the head and my daughters know to stop doing whatever it was they were doing. Raising a child is easy when rules are in place and they understand what is expected of them....to behave, listen to their parents, keep their room clean and help feed the kittens....WOW. So tough and tbey are living in fear :rolls eyes:

I really laugh when we are out and about...and some ignorant "parent" is chasing around their kid and the kid is yelling, kicking etc. And my 5 year old says "Daddy, he doesn't know how to act. He needs time out". I smile and kiss her on the head and tell her she's right.

Is my house full of love? You had better believe it.

Is my house also full of rules and is it tough? Sure is. Life is tough. The world is tough. We don't sugar coat things in my home.

Not everyone get a trophy for "trying".

Both of my daughters have both been in martial arts since the age of 3. My youngest having just started this year. They play with barbies and makeup....and understand the value of self defense and being alert. Myself being a 2nd degree black belt in Aikido...I will teach them later, when they are a little older, the things they won't be taught by conventional teaching.

My parents raised 4 of us to survive, at all cost. You didn't make it growing up being weak. My mother died at 50 of cajcer. I am thankful every day for the lessons she taught me, the skills she gave me to survive and the toughness and the love she showed me daily. Same as it was then, it is now. My house is not for the weak. When I'm gone...I can rest easily k owing my daughters will be survivors. They won't be like so many females today....knocked up at 17, depending on a man to support them.

If they do....then I've failed. Do date...I've never failed at anything. Raising my daughters is by far the most important job I've been tasked with. This is no room for error.

All in all.....only time will tell. They are young. And so far...all I can say is that I thank God for his guidance each day...because I k ow that I am blessed with two incredible daughters. I see His spirit in them, my toughness and their mothers compassion each time I look at them or listen to them interact with others.

Say what you will about methodology.....We are happy. That's all that matters.

[peejman]

Sheesh... I wish my 4 yr old was as well behaved as your kids. He's a handful. He doesn't have many melt-down screaming fits and can be a perfectly nice, well behaved kid, but also can be quite stubborn at times... (no idea how that happened ). So far, his little brother is more laid back.

To the OP... my only suggesting for dealing with 3 is routine. Establish a daily routine and stick to it. When it's time to eat, everyone eats. When it's time to play, everyone plays. Different ages, different needs, ... I'm sure it's tough to find a compromise.

[Guest Lester Weevils]

Parenting styles can vary and I suspect both good and bad kids come from all kinds of parenting styles. They are not little automatons and are notoriously difficult to program and debug.

It is possible to give a kid too much attention (and certainly possible to give a kid too much "stuff"). However, am guessing that on average kids get too little attention rather than too much. If they don't get enough attention, they will tend to misbehave because it is the surest way to get attention. If the kid is sufficiently ignored, a parent's attention of punishing the kid is better reward than being good and being ignored.

edit-- An operant psychology technique that really can work, over time-- If you are working on yer own tasks and notice a kid is behaving how you like-- Playing constructively or whatever-- Stop what you are doing and pay the kid some attention while he is being good. That reward (in most kids) will cause them to play constructively more often, because they get reward and attention for it.

edit #2-- Wasn't directing the advice to anyone in particular, just spouting off "in general" on the topic.

Edited February 22, 2012 by Lester Weevils

[Jonnin]

A good read for a no-kids guy. Most of my friends have them and it is hard to be patient with them (both the parents and the kids).

[Guest db99wj]

Booze.

[peejman]

A good read for a no-kids guy. Most of my friends have them and it is hard to be patient with them (both the parents and the kids).

This is very much a divide between parents and non-parents. When parents tell people w/o kids, "you just don't understand..." they're really not being patronizing, condescending, or making excuses. You really don't understand. It's a whole different lifestyle.

Before kids, I was the guy who got really annoyed when a kid was making noise in public (restaurant, store, etc.). Not having a fit, just making the relatively nonstop random noise kids make. Now, I don't even hear it. When we have friends w/o kids over, I can easily tell they quickly get overwhelmed. Our version of normal is far different from theirs. "Multi-tasking" takes on a whole new meaning.

Booze.

For medicinal purposes only....

[Guest db99wj]

This is very much a divide between parents and non-parents. When parents tell people w/o kids, "you just don't understand..." they're really not being patronizing, condescending, or making excuses. You really don't understand. It's a whole different lifestyle.

Before kids, I was the guy who got really annoyed when a kid was making noise in public (restaurant, store, etc.). Not having a fit, just making the relatively nonstop random noise kids make. Now, I don't even hear it. When we have friends w/o kids over, I can easily tell they quickly get overwhelmed. Our version of normal is far different from theirs. "Multi-tasking" takes on a whole new meaning.

For medicinal purposes only....

I'm with you on this, most of it is background noise. ANd like you, I'm talking about the normal noises kids make. I do not tolerate, in most settings, the running around and loud outside voice type stuff and they, I have 4 kids, 12, 10, 8, 4, mind me and follow this while out in public, especially the older 3, the 4 year old....he has to be reminded and it has to be forced upon him sometimes...

I still get annoyed with some parents out there....and their kids, but more so the parents.

Medicinal, recreational, sport. It's all good.

[Guest Kamikaze]

Booze.

This. I have 3 kids 4 and under. 2 girls and one boy.

[LI0NSFAN]

I am a stay at home dad of 2 under 2. I find the key is to wear out the older one and get good naps from her so I can clean or mod my firearm collection. There is a gymnastics place here that lets you take your kids for $5 and let them just burn up energy. Plus having a hot wife that you can "relax" with helps.

[duckhunteresq]

Duct tape and para-cord...Just kidding...

God,unconditional love,leading by example and playing with them instead of letting these new kids shows today push their agenda on them.

[Wingshooter]

Ok open to suggestions cause I have 3 all under 7

Unless you have 3 ipads, I'd say playdoh. When that wears off, construction paper, washable warkers, and glue sticks. Legos.

My youngest has been playing quietly for couple hours now with an old calculator, pad of paper and pencil. She keeps taking my "order", lol

Good luck. Watch your back!

[LI0NSFAN]

My daugher brings me a book about every 30 mins and then goes to her chair and "reads" it until its time for a new book. We listen to a lot of radio, TV is only on for about 1 hour right after they get up in the morning. Just love on them and just remember what the alternitive is. I would rather take care of my kids than be at work.

[Guest ADAM]

Ok open to suggestions cause I have 3 all under 7

tie them up and put them in the closet.

[Chucktshoes]

tie them up and put them in the closet.

When I was growing up my dad would often tell me that he was going to "put you in the closet and slide pizzas under the door." I was always disappointed that he never did.

[bigwakes]

Booze.

I've tried, but they don't like the taste. Any suggestions?

[Guest Lester Weevils]

I've tried, but they don't like the taste. Any suggestions?

Noted child rearing expert James McMurtry suggests vodka, benadryl, and cherry coke.

[Mark A]

Duct tape stage 1: wrap around your head to keep it from exploding.

Duct tape stage 2: wrap the kids up with it and roll them into their room.

Lest you forget, it is a well known scientific fact that duct tape holds the universe together. Also, don't forget after about 5 minutes you need to go cut some breathing holes in the tape. It will take a little trial and error but eventually you will find the right size hole to keep them conscious but a little loopy. This works Better than booze as there is no residual alcohol to show up later in bloodwork.

Mark

[Guest lostpass]

I've got a kid so I am an EXPERT ON THIS SUBJECT MATTER!

One answer: Benadryl, lots of it. It knocks the kids right out. Pretty cheap too.

Actually the way I stay unbored when hanging with my kid is by playing the games he wants to play. Legos, castle whatever. IT seems dull at first but when you play with them for awhile you realize they have very complicated (and ridiculous) structures set up. If you pay attention it can be very interesting. But you have to give them the chance to entertain you. One thing I try to avoid is TV. My god, kids show are awful.