A Woman's Week At The Gym

[Guest TNDixieGirl]

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Brad, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

******

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Brad waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Brad gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Brad was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

******

TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.

Brad made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Brad's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

******

WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Brad was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Brad put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Brad told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other **** too.

******

THURSDAY :

Brad was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Brad took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

******

FRIDAY :

I hate that Brad more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, little #@*. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Brad wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.

Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

******

SATURDAY :

Brad left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

******

SUNDAY :

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little ****) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds.

[Guest Grout]

Very funny:D.It does get better though.I have skirted the issue long enough myself.I started the first of March getting back in shape and can see the progress already.

[strickj]

Yup,working out sucks.The easiest way to get started is couple times a week and working only half of your body at a time.That way you will be able to walk to the kitchen but you wont be able to make a samich.Next time you will be able to make a samich,but wont be able to walk to the kitchen to fix it.

No,seriously,it gets easier a couple of weeks into it and you wont get sore anymore.You should make your daughter buy you a membership and keep it up

[Guest TNDixieGirl]

Hey, it was a joke. I don't even have a daughter. And I quit workin' out when my body started sounding like Rice Krispies. *snap*crackle*pop*

[robin48]

That first description of Brad sounds like me except for the Greek God part, and oh I have gray hairs and well I'm kinda fat and outa shape, but other than that I am he

[Guest jackdog]

Very funny, Loved your post.

[strickj]

Hey, it was a joke. I don't even have a daughter. And I quit workin' out when my body started sounding like Rice Krispies. *snap*crackle*pop*

Gotcha! Yeah I just noticed that it said "when I was a cheerleader 43 years ago"....and your 42

[Guest TNDixieGirl]

Gotcha! Yeah I just noticed that it said "when I was a cheerleader 43 years ago"....and your 42

Wondered if you'd seen that....lol I was a cheerleader a mere 27 yrs. ago.

[Guest Grout]

Wondered if you'd seen that....lol I was a cheerleader a mere 27 yrs. ago.

I figured you was just holding.

[John Wall]

Since I am old, and train folks younger than I, staying in shape to demonstrate techniques without fatigue is cardinal.

I spend close to 20 hours a week in the gym. I have worked out since High School Football.

Anyhow, I recently retained a MMA and Fitness Trainer to get me to the next level with my fitness program, and to get a new regimen.

Although I am in good shape for an old guy, I know how Dixie Girl feels!

[tnroadrunner]

OK enough you young ones. I need to get in shape so this week I started working out. I need to get in shape as my wife just had her second knee replacement, now she will be able to catch me........hummmmmmmmmm on second thought I will let her catch me. That sounds good. OK forget the work out......LOL

[Guest TNDixieGirl]

SCREW a week in the gym.

I just did a full Saturday of deep down spring cleaning on my house (and if you haven't checked it lately, go look at the top of your fridge, mine scared me!) and today I can't freakin' move. I feel like I just ran 20 miles while fighting off rabid dogs just before a Freightliner rig hit me!! And the kicker....I still have two rooms to finish! How am I going to manage that when I can't even bend over today???

[towerclimber37]

hah! I climb towers.. I have no problems with my leg or upper body.but I sure could use some sit ups or crunches..I've been pregnant for about a 4 years now. LOL

seriously, I stopped climbing for about 8 months, then went back to it. that was some of the worst pain I've endured in a LONG time.

I know just how you feel dixiegirl.

[Guest aBRG2far]

After maxing out at almost 425lbs I've gotten serious about losing weight. I stated New Years and have lost 43lbs in three and a half months. I keep a online food journal thats free to track my calorie intake, nutrients and exercise. Once I got below 400 I started walking. A half mile to start and now am up to 1.5 everyday.

[Ricochet]

Good for you aBRG2far! Working out hurts in the beginning but it starts giving me more energy. My daughter and I started out 4 weeks ago and I am starting to see the results. I am older now so it seems it takes more effort to get weight off than it did when I was younger.

TNDixieGirl, that was funny, thanks for the laugh.

[Guest db99wj]

After maxing out at almost 425lbs I've gotten serious about losing weight. I stated New Years and have lost 43lbs in three and a half months. I keep a online food journal thats free to track my calorie intake, nutrients and exercise. Once I got below 400 I started walking. A half mile to start and now am up to 1.5 everyday.

Congrats, my wife and I have watche the Biggest Loser since the start, that show, even though not very realistic in the fact that most people don't have the time to spend 4 months just doing the program and not having to work and do family stuff etc, is very inspiring. The transformation and the amounts of weight lost is unreal. Trent on this season, he didn't win, but he lost 163 lbs in 4 1/2 months.

Anyway, congrats again and keep it up.

Edited April 17, 2008 by db99wj
Cnt spel

[Guest aBRG2far]

Thanks everyone, I hope to have lost 50lbs by the end of April, 5lbs to go.