The Best Christmas Fruitcake Recipe You'll Ever Try!

[Timestepper]

For those who still hold to the custom of making fruitcake every Christmas, I have found a WONDERFUL recipe guaranteed to be the best you ever tried. Be sure to read the directions VERY carefully, then... Enjoy!

Christmas Whiskey Cake

1 cup butter

2 cups sugar

6 large eggs

2 tsp. baking powder

3 cups flour, sifted

1/2 tsp. salt

1 cup Bourbon

1 pound pecans, chopped,

3 cups white raisins or candied fruit

1 tsp. nutmeg

AND... A very large bottle of good bourbon whiskey

First, sample the whiskey to check for quality. Assemble all of the ingredients. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink it.

Repeat this step.

Turn on the electric mixer and beat one cup of butter in a large fluffly bowl. Add one teaspoon sugar and cream until beat. Make sure the whiskey is still okay... Try another cup.

Turn off the mixer. Beat six leggs and add to the bowl, then chunk in the cup of dried flute. Mix on the turner. Throw in two quarts of flour. Gradually pour in the cow. Add two dried anything. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey again and check it for tonsistency.

Next sift two cups of salt or something... Who cares?

Check the whiskey again.

Now sift the nutmeg and your nuts. Add one table. And the spoon... Of whiskey, or something. Whatever you find left.

Cour another pup of viskey and spoon your mouth into some.

Grease the oven. Turn the crake pan to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Pour the oven into the batter. Throw the bowl out out the window. Lick the batter off the floor, being careful not to will the sphiskey. Bake 300 minutes at 50 degrees. Finish the bobble of whishky and go to bed.

...Who the heck likes Fruitcake anyway?

[Guest pfries]

I'm having a tribble luoble wiff this step

Cour another pup of viskey and spoon your mouth into some.

[Timestepper]

I'm having a tribble luoble wiff this step

Cour another pup of viskey and spoon your mouth into some.

Oddly enough, that's generally about the step where I cease to have any troubles whatsoever.