Funny gun stories or conversations

[Dolomite_supafly]

We all hear them, those WTF were you thinking stories that are so ridiculous they are funny.

A few of my most memorable ones.

"The 17HMR has a velocity of over 5,000 fps and when you hit a groundhog the only thing left is his teeth."

"Open your mouth when shooting a 50 BMG otherwise it will collapse your lungs"

"The green tips on those bullets is phosphorus and the friction from the air makes them glow like tracers"

"LC brass is the best brass they make because they are made right here in Tennessee in Lenoir City"

Dolomite

[Caster]

There was a guy who came in the shop one day and saw me cleaning one of my AR's. He said "I don't know why anyone would want one of those, they're not accurate and very weak." I said Huh? He said "The bullets tumble and that's why you can't hit anything. The bullet in a rifle is supposed to spin, those tumble and flip through the air and that's why they aren't accurate."

I said sure thing buddy. You don't ever want to engage in a war of wits with an unarmed man so I just let it go. I get people like that all the time. Not necessarily gun related but I put a set of tires on a lady's car and swear to God she said to me "Okay, now do I need to go put some air in them or did you already put air in them." Or my favorite, a guy came in with a 15 inch wheel and a 14 inch tire. Says to me, "Put this tire on this wheel." I said I can't it's a 14, you got a 15 inch wheel. He says "Oh I don't care, I'm just using it for a spare, put it on there."

[Guest Old goat]

Last Oct. I meet my Brother-in law (from New Jersey) and one of his buddies ( a high school teacher in Jersey) in Charlot NC for the race. We were sharing a room downtown, when I came in with my bag and a lockbox Jack (the teacher buddy) says " is that where you rednecks keep your gun?" I said " no, thats where us rednecks keep our money, we keep our guns on our hips" as I lifted my shirt to expose the glock in my waist band. My brother-in-law smiled (cop) Jack was in shock and I'm not sure that he slept for the next two days.

[1gewehr]

"The US made the 7.62NATO round longer than the AK round so that we could use their ammo, but they couldn't use ours". Then a few years later, "The Russians made the AK round bigger than the M16 round so that they could use our ammo but we couldn't use theirs."

Overheard at the Knob Creek Machinegun Shoot several years ago: "All of these machineguns are illegal. The cops around here don't care. But one of these days all of these people are going to go to jail."

[Guest GunTroll]

Out of respect for many a customers I will pass but boy, let me tell you I got many! Some of you Tennesseans are a rare bunch!

[BimmerFreak]

I always had this guy coming in the shop looking for 88Mag ammo....

[glockster157]

One of my favorites was a friend of mine told me he would not have a 30-06. I ask why and he said it has a weird trajectory...I ak how? He says it goes up then down and then back up again!!!, He wouldn't have anything but a 270 because it would shoot dead straight to 400 yards, he knew because he had done it.

Along the lines of the ammo myths was the Germans in WWII used 8mm ammo so they could shoot out 30-06 but we couldn't shoot their 8mm. I tried to explain the 57mm case vs the 63mm case so it wouldn't work but to no avail. I used to own a gun shop also...this could go on and on and on.

[Smith]

Deleted comment by me.

Edited September 6, 2011 by Smith

[Sandman]

"9mm will just make them made. A .45 will blow them apart!"

That's not a myth.

[Crawlin]

"Even if you miss with a 50 cal, the shock wave going by will kill them."

Them: "That bank should have a sign that says no guns"

Me: "Why"

Them: "Well what if someone wanted to rob it"

Me: "Do you really think someone would change their mind just because there is a sign on the door"

Them: "I never thought of it like that"

Me:

Edited August 30, 2011 by Crawlin

[Guest Glocks-R-Us]

HAHAHA!! Loving this thread so far... Lets see... mine arent as good as some of these but I was at a gun shop where there was an offfical "glock armoror". I went in because I wanted another compact.. either a 27 or 30. I told him what I was looking for and also added that I'd prefer a gen3 with a tactical rail. He just looked at me funny and said. Umm... No glock comes with a tactical rail. I showed him a picture of one that did after that. He still didn't take that as good enough and insisted that "someone" had to of custom made it into the frame. While this conversation was carrying on I couldn't help but notice the glock poster up right behind him that had a glock 27 with a glock tactical light on it....

[Jonnin]

A recent class I was in... instructor: the next commandment is to keep your guns and ammo in seperate locations and locked up... (time passes). Later: If someone came in on me I would grab that shotgun & he better be out the door when he hears me work the pump... ME: How did you get the gun and ammo unlocked and ready in time? Instructor: I don't know how to answer that... (He finally said the rules are there to keep kids from getting into your guns and the important thing is to keep the kids safe, after thinking about it for a while). Just goes to show that even great gun owners (and he was great, and covered the important stuff very very well and did an awesome job) will echo nonsense from time to time

[Crawlin]

Come on, we need more! Lord knows I could use a laugh today.

[Caster]

I put on 4 tires for a lady and I tell you all before our Lord God, she was just as serious as can be, She looks and me and says "Okay, now did you put air in them or do I need to do that when I get home?"

Young guy pulled in one day with his little donut spare on. Now his other wheels are a really nice factory alloy wheel. He says I had a blow out and need a new tire. Okay I say, where's your wheel?

"My what" he asked.

"Where's the one you took off when you put your spare on?"

To which he replied.........."Oh it was no good so I just threw it over the guard rail there on the side of the road."

Edited September 6, 2011 by Caster

[vontar]

A friend of mine was in the Marines and he was instructed to get 50 yards of beach front. He went and requisitioned a backhoe and dump truck. He delieved a load of sand back to his commanding officer.

I love all the wild goose chases the military sends people out on.

If you want your fill of them, check this out.

Snipe hunt - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

also I don't want to steal it, but there is a great story at

Grid Squares! - Topic about Forward Torpedo room

you will have to scroll down a bit.

yo8u w .

[glockster157]

OK, not a true story but a good joke(much truth in it though)

If you tell the Marines to secure a building they will attack it with tanks and helicopters, you tell the Army to secure a building they will set a perimeter and make sure no one goes in or out without proper ID, tell the Navy to secure a building and they will lock the doors and turn out the lights, tell the Air Force to secure a building they will get you a 3 year lease with an option to buy....that is why I joined the Air Force!

[Erik88]

.22 will only piss someone off. Or, a bad guy will run away at just the sound of a shotgun being chambered.

[Guest lostpass]

Taking a friend out to shoot that hasn't shot much (but has shot). "You need to be careful when loading the thing, you drop one of those and it is like a mini hand grenade" He was dead serious too.

Better one is from my dad. He has a bird feeder that squirrels were constantly raiding.

"I'm going to get a 22 and shoot those little bastards"

"Dad, you can't do that. It's illegal and you live three houses down from the attorney general"

"Well, I'll get them something."

I came back a few weeks later (well maybe months) and there is an open trash can under the bird feeder. I'm pretty sure he has ignored my advice and started shooting the squirrels with a 22. And I start to lecture him about shooting in a subdivision and all but he cuts me off. No law against a pellet gun he says and shows me his gamo.

The trash can was there to catch the dead squirrels. Save a step I guess. Thing was it only worked for a few days. First he shot the squirrels from his porch, they got wise to that and wouldn't come out when he was out. Then he sniped them from the kitchen window. They got wise to that as well. Finally he gave up.

[Guest WingMan380]

I'm a manager of a Hotel, I had a guy waltz in one day with a very egotistical attitude, slams his hand on the counter and said "I want your best rate on a room?". I looked at him with my best 'you don't intimidate me' look I could put on my face and said matter of factly "$99 plus tax" (which was the best rate). He said "Ha Ha Ha, I don't think you heard me, I said I wanted your BEST rate". I replied, and I quote, "I'm sorry sir, that rate will be $120 plus tax" (smiling large). He was so dumb founded he didn't know what to say or do, meanwhile my co-worker was about to bust a gut trying to keep from laughing.

Working in the hotel business, I see and hear it all and then I see and hear some more!

[Guest db99wj]

.22 will only piss someone off. Or, a bad guy will run away at just the sound of a shotgun being chambered.

Actually that is a true statement. The problem arises that criminals are typically stupid, and they might not understand the sound they are hearing and not run away, therefore, the round from the shotgun blast clarifies this equation so that criminal then realizes, if possible, the error of his ways.

[Reservoir Dog]

Some of my favorites:

- Guy comes into the gun store wanting to buy the older style (white box w/red & orange stripes) Winchester Silvertip ammo. He wanted them because they were made of real silver. No amount of arguing could convince him otherwise. He left quite angry.

- Guy becomes quite agitated and argumentative because the some of the firearms in the display cases were pointed out towards the customers. After a minute of arguing, he finally said that maybe he should just leave the store. The salesman agreed with him.

- Guy comes in wanting to sell his registered SBR AR-15 as a pistol, because it was "too much trouble" to sell it as a SBR.:-\