Dilemma... *warning rant about a woman*

[MacGyver]

Well I sat down and had a long conversation with her last night. I put my foot down, and told her that if this behavior continues it will be over, and I will not even consider coming back. I trust her, and she says she trusts me, so I just told her to prove it to me. We're not due to get married until late 2012 so I have plenty of time to see if this sinks in. If it doesn't, then tough tittie, hope she has good luck dating other people.

And on the couseling side, I suggested that as well and she is open to it, so we'll see how that goes as well.

+1 on some solid premarital counseling. It can benefit anyone, regardless of how great you think your relationship is before you get married.

[Guest Moody]

I didn't want any explanations. I didn't ask for them either.

I just told her flat out, stop this , or I want the ring back. Seemed to have worked, I'll find out in the long run though.

Yeah - I'll agree that you're justified in stating your feelings, because it's quite unacceptable (what she's doing). But, be wary of ultimatums, because if she is indeed nervous/guilty in hiding something, or just untrusting of you for some specific reasoning - she'll interpret that as a reinforcement of your privacy (in a negative manner), and will work even harder to search through your belongings/privacy, without you knowing it... It feeds off of itself (if you understand where I'm coming from).

[Kegger]

I've tried being nice and asking her not to look through stuff, so I took the kid gloves off. I understand ultimatums can backfire, but hopefully it won't.

She knows what's at stake and I hope she takes it to heart that I'm serious.

[Guest Moody]

^ Good way to look at it - being firm but fair. Good luck, man.

[Guest manofsteel]

after 27 years of marrage i can say only this. its your life only you can live it. if something bothers you now as you get older and time goes by your tolerance level will decrease. life is short. you can't controll others or their actions. you can't change people only have them hide their true self, and this only last for a short time. so bottom line is this a small issue now will be a big one later, and only YOU can live with it or live it.

[1gewehr]

You have discovered the reason why most people have an engagement period of 6 months to a year before getting married. I cannot tell you how many times people I have known (including myself) have discovered behavior that destroys relationships. I was stupid and actually believed the "I'll never do it again" speech. She may truly mean it, but she is lying to herself. If it was a one-time thing, that is different. But what you describe does not sound like it is just idle curiosity.

One tactic you might take is to tell her that you have nothing to hide. Offer to give her access to all of your information. (not passwords, just access) show her around, let her tell you where she wants to look. Make sure you allow plenty of time to satisfy her curiosity. Then ask her to do the same for you. If you get a refusal, or she tries to distract you or lead you elsewhere, then you know she is really hiding something. In that case, RUN, do not walk, away.

[Punisher84]

I've tried being nice and asking her not to look through stuff, so I took the kid gloves off. I understand ultimatums can backfire, but hopefully it won't.

She knows what's at stake and I hope she takes it to heart that I'm serious.

Hope it works out for you man. It's never easy walking away from a relationship, but make sure you look out for yourself first. No sense getting married with ANY doubts. Here is what I would also suggest. LOCK your crap down. Never leave your phone unattended, never leave any social media or e-mail up, and if she knows any of your passwords, change them. On the flip side, don't hide anything if you have nothing to hide. If she's truly suspicious and can;t get access to your stuff, it will eventually drive her nuts, she'll spaz, and you'll have your answer.

[Guest RevScottie]

Kegger I would absolutely recommend you and her sit down with a counselor if you are serious about marriage. Realationships are give and take and you had best realize that going in. Even if you solve this problem now and don't learn how to communicate you will have more problems down the road. You can give ultimatums now but try that later and you will likely find divorce papers in your mailbox

[Guest mustangdave]

I'm on my second marriage...trust was an issue in my first one...lasted 15 years...but I was gone on overseas deployments for better than half that time. We mutually called it quits pretty much cause we "drifted apart" emotionally. I would echo punishers advise.

[Armed Aviator]

Marriage is the leading cause of divorce . . . just say'n

[True Grit]

You should know her pretty well after three years. You can make it work out if you both want it to. She probably senses insecurity on your part which could explain her behavior. I have been married for 28 years and know that small problems overlooked early in a relationship are greatly magnified later on so my advise is to get expert premarital counseling together before either of you make a big mistake.

[duckhunteresq]

I strongly agree with the previous comments about seeing a counselor together and possible seperate depending on his/her observations. Communication in any realationship is they key and can either make or break a couple. If you can't communicate effectively now, you won't be able to a year or ten down the road.

Glad she was open to the discussion and I wish you the best of luck and would advise spending some time in Prayer about it. It is an important decision.

However, if the behavior does not change, I would learn this phrase well:

"I'll never forget ol'what's her name".