Dilemma... *warning rant about a woman*

[Kegger]

So I've recently become engaged to a girl that I've been with for 3 years and known for many more.

Recently though she has started snooping through my cell phone, personal email, facebook, and just recently my phone call record on the phone bill. I've talked to her several times about this and how it makes me feel like I can't be trusted, and how I would never do anything like that to her. Hell, I can't stand getting something out of her purse when she asks me to, I just can't go through someone's stuff like that.

She has said several times that she would stop and I dropped it, til the next time she did it. Every time she does this she wants to try to explain why she's going through everything, with excuses that hold about as much water as a colander.

Now I've never cheated on this girl nor had the inclination to do such a thing, but I am seriously considering breaking off the engagement and moving on over this.

Am I going going overboard or am I justified? I just need another opinion on this.

[gregintenn]

You ain't gonna like the answers you get. She's either nuts, working on a guilty concience, or both. Marrying her isn't going to make it any better. Do you really want to live like that the rest of your life?

[Metalhead]

Justified IMO. Trust is a two way street. Anything less is destined for destruction.

[Guest bkelm18]

Trust is a big issue. If you haven't already, have a serious talk with her and her trust issues. Though, if you're seriously considering ending the relationship as you've said, then perhaps the damage has already been done. Best of luck either way.

[titan14]

Trust is a big issue. If you haven't already, have a serious talk with her and her trust issues. Though, if you're seriously considering ending the relationship as you've said, then perhaps the damage has already been done. Best of luck either way.

^^^^^^ THIS...exactly...

and take this advice from someone that's just a little older than you....IF you have doubts NOW......DO NOT DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!....

I damn sure wish someone would have POUNDED that last statement into me before I got married....oh well... happens...

[MacGyver]

Fast forward a few years down the road. Anyone, if they are looking for a reason, can find a dozen reasons to get divorced a day. I think people who stay married are the ones who have simply decided to.

Everybody has their issues they bring to the table. Sounds like trust may be her's. Make sure you're not looking for an issue - though if you are, much better to figure that out now than later. Maybe get some CommSec. I don't need or want to know everything my wife spends or does, and vice versa.

[Mike.357]

Kegger you know the answer to this.

Without trust there is no love, and obviously she does not trust you, so ( like Archie Bunker would say) "ipso fatso" she does not love you.

I would take this as a sign, an exit sign.

Good luck with it whatever you decide.

[Garufa]

You're not gonna like my advice either. That behavior is unacceptable.

You are young and have a lot of good years left. Wait until your late 30's to marry a crazy girl. That's what I did. It's not any better but at least you get to enjoy life without too much drama.

[Steelharp]

Disengage. Immediately. Been there. This is trouble. Some people are in your life only to be a friend; you have to realize that. This is not a companion or helpmate. This is a disaster.

Please trust me.

[Guest Red5]

It's hard to say since everything that I know about either of you is contained in a single internet post, but.........

If you truly have no history of suspicious activities, I would say you are justified.

Normally someone who behaves like this very unsure of herself. It is more a reflection of how she feels about herself than a reaction to anything you have done. I have been there man; you wear yourself out trying to convince someone that you care for them and have no other "interests" but their subconscious will not let them accept that fact and it ends up making you both miserable

In my experience, it can really feel like you're fighting a loosing battle.

Hope it works out for you.

[JPR1959]

If you have to ask, then you know the answer already. Sorry, but trust is one thing you MUST have in a marriage. I've been married for 24 years. Never had a problem with trusting my wife.

[VERO1]

Been married almost 35 years now. I got married at age 21 wife was 19. Her stuff is her stuff, my stuff is my stuff. I don't check her bills etc., she doesn't go through mine. So far this seems to have worked pretty well for us.

[Garufa]

Being suspicious often comes from doing something wrong. If she is so concerned about your doings maybe she's hiding something.

Bluntly, every girlfriend I ever had cheated on me. I never did.

Did I mention women are crazy?

[Erik88]

walk away now before it's too late

[Guest tnxdshooter]

So I've recently become engaged to a girl that I've been with for 3 years and known for many more.

Recently though she has started snooping through my cell phone, personal email, facebook, and just recently my phone call record on the phone bill. I've talked to her several times about this and how it makes me feel like I can't be trusted, and how I would never do anything like that to her. Hell, I can't stand getting something out of her purse when she asks me to, I just can't go through someone's stuff like that.

She has said several times that she would stop and I dropped it, til the next time she did it. Every time she does this she wants to try to explain why she's going through everything, with excuses that hold about as much water as a colander.

Now I've never cheated on this girl nor had the inclination to do such a thing, but I am seriously considering breaking off the engagement and moving on over this.

Am I going going overboard or am I justified? I just need another opinion on this.

Justified see ya bye

[Guest tnxdshooter]

It's hard to say since everything that I know about either of you is contained in a single internet post, but.........

If you truly have no history of suspicious activities, I would say you are justified.

Normally someone who behaves like this very unsure of herself. It is more a reflection of how she feels about herself than a reaction to anything you have done. I have been there man; you wear yourself out trying to convince someone that you care for them and have no other "interests" but their subconscious will not let them accept that fact and it ends up making you both miserable

In my experience, it can really feel like you're fighting a loosing battle.

Hope it works out for you.

Yup been there done that.

[Jasongar8]

Sorry man but it is time to eject.

[Guest Lester Weevils]

First wife was nice enough and probably easier to live with than I was. Only issue was that she was real insecure or jealous or something like that. She wouldn't rag on me, but if I had to go out of town a day, or even accidentally glanced at another woman she would get real upset. When mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, even if mama doesn't directly complain much.

It is awfully difficult to walk down the street with a wife and studiously avoid even glancing in the general direction of any woman out on the street. Doesn't get any easier with time. Thank goodness she finally bid adios, because I wouldn't have ever done it. She did me a big favor.

[eapking]

Run like hell.

[Steelharp]

Run like hell.

This.^^^^^^^^^^

[TNRobocop]

Eject now. It will not get better.

Kick her to the curb. Do not marry.

Down the road it will cost much more financially and emotionally, especially if kids get involved.

[Guest Ae-35]

She has shown she has no respect for you . Without that there is no trust. So nothing else CAN last !! I won't keep a dog I can't trust and doesn't respect me, why would you keep a woman ? Listen to the others..... there's better out there... a lot better !!!! Your chance to " dodge a bullet " !!! Take it !!!

[Patrick Henry]

Do not marry her until you are absolutely sure. Go to counsellingresource.com and search for "are you dating a loser". This is a very good site, plan on spending al of of time there. But be sure to do it on a computer she cannot track the sights you have been to. Also, many churches offer free counseling. Insist the two of you go and get this sorted out before you marry. If she is doing this now it will get much worse after the marriage. She will try to control every aspect of your life. She will try to isolate you from your family and friends. She will want your life to revolve 100% around her wishes, you will be just a puppet to serve her needs. It is very likely she has a personality disorder, these are frequently due to past abuse, including sexual. Women who have been abused are more likely to be distrustful of all men. If you ask her she will most likely deny it. If she has a personality disorder your life with her will be maddening, you will experience many deep hurts, she may project all of the problems and her bad behaviors on to you, blaming you for everything, denying she is accountable for any of it, claiming she is the perfect wife. You will never be able to make her happy, nothing you do will be good enough and she will let you know in such subtle ways no one but you will know it is happening. You will spend your home life walking on eggshells, really land mines, as you will never know what will set her off. She may likely become verbally abusive, which may lead to physical abuse. Husband abuse is real!! Do some research and go see a counselor even if by yourself. If you have medical insurance it will frequently pay for several or more visits and churches frequently provide it for free. Just go before you make one of the worst mistakes of your life. If she has a personality disorder these are rarely cured. They are life long afflictions and they can make the lives of those who love them a maddening hell.

Edited January 27, 2011 by Patrick Henry

[Steelharp]

But be sure to do it on a computer she cannot track the sights you have been to.

That's enough in the whole reply.

[buck1032]

I feel Patrick has hit the nail on the head. Now this is just my 0.02 here and I have been just a little ways down that road. I have dated a few that were like that and they would not seek help, so I moved on. If she doesnt admit she has issues and readily seeks help then she will never, ever trust you. Without trust you will never, ever have a happy marriage. Best of luck to you and at the very least I wouldnt set "the" date with her for a very long time.