The Man Rules

[The Scullinator]

We've probably all gotten this in email but just way to enjoyable to let anyone miss out.

"the rules"

From the female side

Now here are the rules from the male side

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered '1'

ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1.. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us..

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something

or tell us how you want it done.

Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we...

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings..

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color.. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear..

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1.. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or?motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1 .. You have too many shoes.

1.. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1... Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight..

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping...

Pass this to as many men as you can -

to give them a laugh...

Pass this to as many women as you can -to give them a bigger laugh.

[Guest 6.8 AR]

They will get a big laugh!

[vontar]

Very true. We can probably add a few more but I know I have said a few of those to my wife and I am still a live.

[Guest mds3d]

Funny, well mostly...

I have to disagree with one.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us..

This one bothers me in so many ways. So many, it would be a serious derailment of the topic if I wrote them all out.

If anyone really has this attitude, I fear that you may be a detriment to the women around. Any man that does or says something that hurts a woman's self worth deserves a slap upside the head, or worse. /ShortRant.

[LagerHead]

Funny, well mostly...

I have to disagree with one.

This one bothers me in so many ways. So many, it would be a serious derailment of the topic if I wrote them all out.

If anyone really has this attitude, I fear that you may be a detriment to the women around. Any man that does or says something that hurts a woman's self worth deserves a slap upside the head, or worse. /ShortRant.

You do understand the concept of comedy, right?

[Guest Jamie]

You do understand the concept of comedy, right?

He's 25 years old and never been married to a fat woman that wanted to bitch about her weight, refuse to even try to do anything about it, and then complain that she didn't like how she was treated, when she finally did lose the weight, then put it all back on...

If he had, he'd agree with "Don't ask, 'cause you already know".

Oh, and I disagree with "1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself."

You can ask me to do it, or do it yourself, period. If I don't know how to do it, but want to try anyway, I'll learn how on my own.

Edited November 10, 2010 by Jamie

[safeandsecure]

That's pretty good. The only one I'd have a problem with is:

"Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days."

I can't remember what I said 7 hours ago, much less 7 days. Heck, I can't quote myself 7 MINUTES later ... ...

[buck1032]

That's pretty good. The only one I'd have a problem with is:

"Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days."

I can't remember what I said 7 hours ago, much less 7 days. Heck, I can't quote myself 7 MINUTES later ... ...

I'm with you there. After I retired from the Navy in 05 I DO NOT wear a watch anymore. I know its the weekend when I wake up and the wife is still in bed. LOL

[Guest mds3d]

I understand the concept of comedy, but sometimes things are just NOT funny.

We have friends who's daughter is in colorado getting some serious inpatient treatment for an eating disorder because she (a 90lb 16 year old) THOUGHT she was fat.

I see women everyday who are taking various things to loose weight because they think they are fat, and for the most part they are a healthy weight.

So, its not because I am young and naive.

[kb4ns]

She's not blonde is she? If so, we're in for a long ride if you find the joke thread...

There's a lot of serious issues in life. Comedy is rarely one of those.

[Guest Jamie]

I understand the concept of comedy, but sometimes things are just NOT funny.

We have friends who's daughter is in colorado getting some serious inpatient treatment for an eating disorder because she (a 90lb 16 year old) THOUGHT she was fat.

I see women everyday who are taking various things to loose weight because they think they are fat, and for the most part they are a healthy weight.

So, its not because I am young and naive.

Don't confuse mental illness with minor self-esteem issues, or a distorted self-image... or worse yet, someone just looking to bait somebody else into a fight. ( Or in many cases, because they're just too damned lazy and want an easy way out. )

You wanna be all sensitive about it because you know someone with a real problem, fine. But don't automatically throw everyone in the same category because of it.

I couldn't have cared less if my first wife was 100 pounds or 300... but the excuses and the bullsh*t... and her trying to use her weight as a weapon at times ( figuratively speaking ) got real old real fast.

The bottom line for me was learning not to let someone else's problem become my problem. Especially when I had absolutely no control over it or them.

Edited November 11, 2010 by Jamie

[Guest mds3d]

Just going to say this, and then drop it... Sorry If I ruined anyone's fun in a thread intended to give us some humor.

I guess funny is always view through the lens of life expierences.

[Armed Aviator]

Just going to say this, and then drop it... Sorry If I ruined anyone's fun in a thread intended to give us some humor.

I guess funny is always view through the lens of life expierences.

Buzz-Kill

[Guest mustangdave]

Buzz-Kill

That's funny right there...I'm with Jamie on this....

[Guest Jamie]

"Funny" is a 25 y/o male goin' all emo over a joke about women askin' dumb questions...

[Chief07]

Always funny

[R1100R]

Very funny. Sent it to my wife.

[strickj]

Just going to say this, and then drop it... Sorry If I ruined anyone's fun in a thread intended to give us some humor.

I guess funny is always view through the lens of life expierences.

Life experience?

Your life experience is knowing of a 16yo girl with self-esteem issues. I think we all here have had that experience.

If I got upset(I use a chair to get around) every time someone made a crack or joke at my expense then I'd be in a nut house....or worse.

If you're unable to laugh at life's little problems then you're going to have a tough life....

Edited November 12, 2010 by strickj

[Punisher84]

Life experience?

Your life experience is knowing of a 16yo girl with self-esteem issues. I think we all here have had that experience.

If I got upset(I use a chair to get around) every time someone made a crack or joke at my expense then I'd be in a nut house....or worse.

If you're unable to laugh at life's little problems then you're going to have a tough life....

^^^This.

Everybody knows someone who has some sort of problem. Here's a perfect example of getting butthurt over dumb stuff. My sister-in-law is deaf and she's one of those people that likes to exploit her condition to get sympathy. My wife often gets really offended if someone makes a deaf joke. Well Family Guy had a live special one night and the lady who talks for Lois was talking like one of the actresses who is deaf (can't remember her name, very pretty lady) and my wife gets all upset UNTIL, the actress she was talking like came on stage and they had this big play fight over it. Then it was suddenly OK? WTF? There are few things in life worth getting truly offended over and especially if it's not even directed at you.