English Lesson - Manliest Man

[xRUSTYx]

For his 75th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his gift certificate to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.

The old medicine man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3'.

When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want."

The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"

"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4'," he responded. "But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

The old gent was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

His wife, excited, began throwing off her clothes. And then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

[daddyo]

[Guest mustangdave]

wee wee...or is it oui oui???

[Il Duce]

LOL

[gregintenn]

Good one!

[Armed Aviator]

LOL!

[Guest db99wj]

Good one.

[vontar]

women always ask the wrong questions and the wrong time.

[JAB]

That was a good one. Reminds me of an oldie but a goodie:

An old fellah' noticed that his grandson, who was staying with him and his wife for the week, was being awfully quiet while playing in the front yard. When he went to check on the boy, he noticed that his grandson was dipping earthworms into his sandpail then pulling them out, stiff as a board, and driving them into the ground like nails. The old man said, "What are you dipping those worms in? Crazy glue? That's cruel and you shouldn't do that."

"No, grandpa," answered the boy, "this is something I mixed up with my chemistry set. The effects wear off after about an hour and the worms are fine. Come back in an hour and you'll see."

Well, sure enough, after an hour's time the worms were fine and crawled away. This got the old fellah thinking and he said to his grandson, "Say, you've been wanting a new bicycle, right?" "Yeah, grandpa, more than anything," answered the boy. "Well, tell you what," the grandpa said, "you mix me up a batch of that stuff for my very own and I'll buy you any bicycle you want."

The boy did as he was asked and the grandpa, true to his word, bought the boy a nice, ten-speed bicycle. The boy had the time of his life riding it around the yard - and, that night, his grandparents had a pretty good time, themselves.

The next day, the old man had to be away from home for most of the day running errands. When he came home, he saw that the bicycle he had bought for his grandson was leaning against the front porch steps and his grandson was riding up and down the road on a brand new motor scooter. Perplexed, he called out, "Hey, where'd you get that scooter?" The boy, shrugging as young boys sometimes do, replied, "Grandma bought it for me."

[xRUSTYx]

haha ... cute

[Guest BEARMAN]

He he he ....those are too funny....kinda reminds me of the young feller who had just bought one of those new-fangled 35mm cameras a few years ago...he took the camera to work with him, and two of his blond, female co-workers asked if he would photograph them together. The young man said "why sure"! As he fumbled with his camera, while the two girls posed...he said, Y'all hold on while I focus....the two bimbos looked at each other with a big grin, and said in excited voices..."BOFUS"? :D

[JAB]

He he he ....those are too funny....kinda reminds me of the young feller who had just bought one of those new-fangled 35mm cameras a few years ago...he took the camera to work with him, and two of his blond, female co-workers asked if he would photograph them together. The young man said "why sure"! As he fumbled with his camera, while the two girls posed...he said, Y'all hold on while I focus....the two bimbos looked at each other with a big grin, and said in excited voices..."BOFUS"?

And that was when I dropped and broke my brand new camera.