50 things men will hear women say only in heaven

[Jasongar8]

John Ross’ List of 50 Things Men Will Hear

Women Say When We Die and Go to Heaven

Note: Some of these are my own, many are collected from various sources on the Internet. Be aware that not all of these things are words I'd like to hear. For example, I don't follow professional (or college) sports or play golf, but there are many, many men for whom these things are very important. Enjoy.

1. Does this dress make my waist look too small?

2. Stop trying to pay! What’s the point of making lots of money if I can’t spend most of it on you?

3. I’m so lucky. I love going to work and knowing you’ll be in the bedroom for me when I get home.

4. I’m not very talkative tonight. Can I just lounge here with you while you read your book, and maybe we could fool around, when you get to the end?

5. For your office Christmas party, should I go for sexy/elegant, like Michelle Pfeiffer, or sexy/slutty, like Pam Anderson?

6. That thong really flatters your figure! Would you mind keeping my husband here company while I go for a swim?

7. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.

8. Who’s got the better technique for me to copy, C.J. Laing or Debi Diamond?

9. On our honeymoon, let’s go on a bear hunt in Alaska!

10. That $60,000 bonus I just got for selling so many houses last year, where do you think we’ll get the best return? Stocks, rental property, or that rehab project I was looking at?

11. I know it's a lot tighter back there, but would you please try again?

12. Merry Christmas, honey! I hope it's the right caliber.

13. Check or charge? Sorry, I only pay with cash.

14. I hope you don’t mind--I bought some 20 oz. ribeyes for dinner again.

15. I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.

16. I'm bored. Let's shave my *****!

17. Let's leave the toilet seat "up" at all times. Then you won't have to mess with it anymore.

18. I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want 'em?

19. That idiot Stacy told me what she spent last year on clothes! More than that rental duplex I bought!

20. The new girl in my office is a real knockout, and a stripper, too. I invited her over for dinner on Friday.

21. You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.

22. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal, they'll still cover.

23. Honey, come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie's bare ass!

24. My mother is taking care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.

25. Honey! Our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!

26. He talks our relationship to death! It's making me crazy!

27. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.

28. Your mother did a great job raising you.

29. I'd much rather stay in and have sex with you than go shopping.

30. I'll be out painting the house.

31. Let's subscribe to Hustler.

32. I love it when you ride your Harley, I just wish you had more time to ride.

33. This scene is boring. Fast forward to the gang bang.

34. No, no, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.

35. If you stop giving me sex, I’m divorcing you, no matter how much the court says I have to pay.

36. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself something.

37. Is this skirt short enough?

38. I make more than enough money for both of us. Why don't you retire and get that handicap down to 4 or 5?

39. I signed up for yoga today so that I'll be able to get my ankles behind my head for you.

40. You need your sleep, you big silly! Now stop getting up for the night feedings.

41. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?

42. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm going to go over and talk to her.

43. Not the shopping mall again! Come on, let's go to that new strip joint!

44. Is that phone for me? Tell 'em I'm not here.

45. I know I'm sore and my parents are in the other room, I still want you right now!

46. I don't care if it is on sale, $200 is still way too much for a dress, and no, I won’t let you help pay for it.

47. That was fun! When can your friends come over to watch pornos again?

48. Don't dirty up your T-shirt wiping that up, use my blouse.

49. It's only the third quarter, order a couple more pitchers.

50. It would be sexy to watch you with our babysitter Tracy. She turned eighteen last week. Edited by John Ross 4/25/2005

[DWARREN123]

Only in our dreams!

[Guest Jamie]

Only in our dreams!

Yours maybe, but there are quite a few of those that my wife has said to me.