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Bear humor.....


titan14

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Posted

Bear Joke

A Priest, a Pentecostal Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of University of Minnesota Duluth.

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they're all together to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an IV drip in his arm, and both legs in casts. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he exclaimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with monitors and IV's running in and out of him. He was in real bad shape.

The Rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start..."

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Posted

Make this thread all about bears.

The Ontario Ministry of Natural Resources is advising hikers and campers to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field. They advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. They also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.

Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear poop. Black bear poop is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear poop has little bells in it and smells like pepper.

grizzly-bear-warning.jpg

Guest BEARMAN
Posted

Now...that's some funny...:poop:!

:censored::rofl::wall:

Guest BEARMAN
Posted

Bear and a Rabbit was deep in the forest. Both had "mother nature" hit 'em about the same time.

They both assumed the position and began to cop a squat.

The 'ol Bear finishes first, and looks over to the Rabbit and ask's...say there Mr. rabbit, do you have a problem with poo sticking to your fur?

Why no, not at all, replies Mr.rabbit.

At that point, Mr.Bear quickly snatches up the Rabbit...and promptly proceeds to wipe his butt! :poop:

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