Great First Car

[dats82]

I got this in an email today. I cried laughing at it, so I thought I would share it with you all.

I guess I should make it clear that I have no interest in the sale of this vehicle.

2002 Focus – good reliable first car

2002 Focus – good reliable first car - $2000 (Cape Girardeau)

Date: 2010-04-01, 10:33PM CDT

Reply to: sale-fm8x7-1672654758@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Looking for a first car for a teen? This car is absolutely brilliant. It’s got low mileage (68k), has been super reliable, and is excellent on gas. Since you’re likely paying for the gas, this will make things much cheaper on you. I average like 37MPG to a tank. And with such low mileage, it’ll work great for a long long time.

But you wanna know the best reason to buy this car for your kid?

It’s slow as ****. You don’t have to worry about speeding tickets or accidents in this baby. Your kid could have a 1 mile run and hit a brick wall not wearing a seatbelt and not be going fast enough to do ****. And there won’t be any sense in him getting some ****ty ass fart can off of eBay – this car has the super slow SPI engine, no sense in trying to make it any faster. It’s a 4-door, so your kid won’t try to put gay ass Lambo doors on it. It is still possible to fit this with a body kit, but if you’d like, for an extra $200, I can stab him in the face if he does this.

It’s a 5-speed, so your kid can’t talk on his cell phone while playing Gameboy and smoking pot – he’ll have to actually pay attention. It also means you won’t have to pay for an automatic transmission when your kid beats the hell out of it. It’s got a new clutch and new tires, so you’ll know if he does burnouts. After all, I’m sure YOU’RE the one paying for tires, right? It’s got an aftermarket head unit in it, so your kid won’t **** it up when him and his buddies try to wire in a “phat ass system”. It’s already had the speakers replaced too, so he won’t have to tear the door cards on and then look like a retard when he can’t get them back on. It’s got manual windows too, so he can’t **** up the window motors when he rolls one of his friends heads up in it as a joke. A new battery means when he leaves his headlights on, it won’t leave you totally stranded.

But really though, one of the best parts is that, because it is a 4 door, it will be somewhat embarrassing for him to be seen in. I’m sure you get pissed at him from time to time. Hell, you’re probably mad at him for harassing you into buying him a first car. So get this one. It has no A/C, so you’ll know he’s suffering every time you get mad at him. Pretty satisfying. It’ll bring a smile to your face too, to know he’s rolling around looking like a ****** in a Ford Focus.

So buy this car for your kid. You won’t regret it

Contact: 573-334-4363

• Location: Cape Girardeau
  
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
  

PostingID: 1672654758

Edited April 21, 2010 by dats82

[Il Duce]

awesome haha

[Kelemvor]

Thank you for that, I tagged it for Best of Craigslist.

[ShamGlock]

That is great. Reminded me of my first car. An '89 Pontiac Sunbird.

[killerford]

thats awesome

[Guest 6.8 AR]

Did you buy it? That's a good deal:D

[Mike.357]

do cars really get 37 miles per gallon? I would be happy to get 17.

good salesmanship, no doubt the car sold

[Raoul]

do cars really get 37 miles per gallon?

One of my crew has a 95 Honda CRX hatchback. It's averaging about 45 mpg.

[Guest Glock23ForMe]

That's pretty much the best ad ever. Bottom line.

[memphismason]

100% awesome

[EMTRN]

My first car was worse. It was a 1982 Plymouth Reliant aka: K-Car. It ran on 3 of the 4 cylinders. If I stopped at a red light facing uphill, it took a couple of hundred feet to get above 10 mph.

[Guest 6.8 AR]

I bought my son an 06 Focus to use at UT. I couldn't get over 32 with it. He swears it gets 35.

[R1100R]

That was awesome. Made me almost want to call him. It is a good deal.