Babies are evil and should not be trusted!

[strickj]

Was watching my niece (just shy of 2yrs) the other day.

Now of coarse, just like every other child her age, every thing has to be touched, moved, and button pressed.

So, we were in the kitchen "loading" the dish washer. I put "loading" in quotes as every time I turned around with a hand full of dirty dishes, I would need to reopen the dishwasher.

That combined with her getting under me, behind me, opening every cabinet, and pressing every button was starting to work on me a bit.

Now, normally I would just brush it off as her just being an innocent little "darling", just being a baby.... but I knew better... by the evil tone of her giggle everytime I would reopen the dishwasher, reclose a door, or turn off something she had turned on.

This little "darling" was messing with my head!

Messing with my head, I said !

After several minutes of this, I turned about to see her standing in front of the fridge pulling on the water knob.

The top of this little "darlings" head, just tall enough to reach the bottom of the water and ice opening.

The projected trajectory of water leaving the spicket just ever so right to spray her cute wittlle nose.

So, me being me, I tell her to push on it. She looked up at me, eyes wide open, bright faced, and smile as she just found the secret key to a new weapon she could use in her evil little efforts to quietly destroy me.

She presses on it and to her surprise, gets a nice little squirt right on the nose.

I'll use the phrase "nice little squirt" here, but in reality, she was nearly soaked by the experience.

She turns to me, with the look of an evil plot of revenge, innocently disguised as a tear of the betrayal from the wicked act I just thrust upon her.

I wipe her "darling" face off as a tear from laughter cascades down my cheek.

As she turns to run into the living room in defeat, I couldn't help but to revel in the sensation of the sweet victory I just unobtrusively took.

However, she was fast at work planning her very own sweet victory in the quietness of the living room.

Minutes later, she devises an evil plan and executes it under the sweet assumption of just another darling baby just wanting to play.

Her plan in hand, so cleverly disguised behind an innocence of a cute smile, re-enters the kitchen.

Once on scene, she reaches into the cargo pocket on my 5.11 tactical pants and pulls out my cell.

Once in hand, she makes a hasty retreat for the cover of a darkened hall.

Me, knowing the keys on the phone are locked and all doors in the base are securely shut, didn't think twice about it.

Moments later, I hear the unmistakable kerplunk of a phone being used as an apparent bombing raid of the evil bowl people.

I quickly rush into the bathroom to survey the damage and carnage only to find the remanence of what was once a perfectly good phone.

At this point, I so wisely called a peace conference that included my humble concession...

Edited April 13, 2010 by strickj

[Mike.357]

been there done all that.

When the kids lived with us the 2.5 year old was having fun acting like he was a dog. He crawled around barking, then took to lapping at water out of the dog bowl, all very cute. Cute until he got a mouth full of water and decided to spit it onto my wife's laptop computer. Luckily it only fubared the keyboard. He also used to like to play under the dining room table, he called it his house under there. That was all good until he got a hold of a container of powdered sugar and dumped it all over the carpet under the table, told Grandma he made it snow. Grandma was not happy. Teeth marks on the dining room chairs, water flooded from the bathtub all over the place as he pressed his little hand over the spigot. There was water literally running out of the heating A/C vents in the basemtn from that one. At least he never played with fire.

The kids name really ought to be Damien.

[Ebow1]

Yeah, I flushed everything down the toilet when I was a kid. Even VHS tapes. I also discovered that a quarter is the perfect size to clog a sink drain, and is also very useful for demagnetizing a computer. The bank manager thought I was harmless and let me run around once as an infant. I found the silent alarm and moments later figured out that the button actually had done something.

[Guest mustangdave]

One of my wee ones...(they're not so wee any more at 31,28, 26 and 24)once asked his uncle if he could help wash his motorcycle...in a moment of "uncle-ness" he said sure...all the while I'm shaking my head and mouthing the word..NO!!! Seeing my efforts as wasted...I relent, Uncle Steve and little John go outside and commence to washing the afore mentioned Honda V45 Interceptor...suddenly there is a blood curdling scream...and a childish giggle....John it seems had stuck a running garden hose down the exhaust pipe....

[E4 No More]

Kudos for publicly admitting being bested by a 2 year old, Strickj. Thanks for the laugh first thing this morning along with the reminder. My youngest graddaughter is about to turn 2.

[Guest walkingdeadman]

That is hilarious. I love kids though. I have a 6 month of my own and she's is into everything and she can't even crawl!!

[E4 No More]

One of my wee ones...(they're not so wee any more at 31,28, 26 and 24)once asked his uncle if he could help wash his motorcycle...in a moment of "uncle-ness" he said sure...all the while I'm shaking my head and mouthing the word..NO!!! Seeing my efforts as wasted...I relent, Uncle Steve and little John go outside and commence to washing the afore mentioned Honda V45 Interceptor...suddenly there is a blood curdling scream...and a childish giggle....John it seems had stuck a running garden hose down the exhaust pipe....

So did the exhaust valve happen to be closed or open?

[peejman]

My son turned 2 in Feb. We've got locks on all the cabinets and toilets. He loves playing with cell phones and screams bloody murder when we take one away. He also loves to play in the tub and I wonder a bit how much water damage is being done while he happily splashes water everywhere. I usually end up nearly as wet as he is. He loves to "help daddy" when I'm working on stuff. That typically involves grabbing my tools and running away laughing. Chase is his favorite game. Though I can tell he does actually like to help and is learning some simple instructions... which reminds me, we think he threw away my wife's watch. Fun stuff.

[Guest mustangdave]

So did the exhaust valve happen to be closed or open?

From my brothers cussing...and the bikes inability to start I would speculate that the valve may have been open...

[Chucktshoes]

The wife and I are talking quite seriously about her going off the baby repellent and y'all are almost giving me second thoughts. I already know that any of our crotchfruit will be demon spawn requiring many beatings simply because they are mine, but man, I don't know if I am ready for all that mess.

[E4 No More]

The wife and I are talking quite seriously about her going off the baby repellent and y'all are almost giving me second thoughts. I already know that any of our crotchfruit will be demon spawn requiring many beatings simply because they are mine, but man, I don't know if I am ready for all that mess.

This isn't bad. It's when they hit their teens that you understand why some species eat their young.

[peejman]

The wife and I are talking quite seriously about her going off the baby repellent and y'all are almost giving me second thoughts. I already know that any of our crotchfruit will be demon spawn requiring many beatings simply because they are mine, but man, I don't know if I am ready for all that mess.

Nah, they're lots of fun. Most of the time.

This isn't bad. It's when they hit their teens that you understand why some species eat their young.

A coworker with 2 in highschool and 2 in college made a very insightful observation in this regard..... "God made teenager's attitudes what they are so that it'll be easier for the parents to kick them out later."

[Mike.357]

this is an aptly titled thread

[Guest Sgt. Joe]

The wife and I are talking quite seriously about her going off the baby repellent and y'all are almost giving me second thoughts. I already know that any of our crotchfruit will be demon spawn requiring many beatings simply because they are mine, but man, I don't know if I am ready for all that mess.

Dont have one, have several that way they can give each other haircuts

[Guest billwilly73]

Dont have one, have several that way they can give each other haircuts

If you have just one, she will cut her own hair. And as sweet as they are they can be little demons too.

[Guest 6.8 AR]

You can't qualify to be a parent until you have at least one child. Driving you nuts in the process is part of the game.

[memphismason]

I giggled out loud reading that. My little 3 year old (4 year old on may 5th) is just as evil.