Ah, Church Bulletins - You Gotta Love'em!

[Guest oldfella]

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes snacks and meals.

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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'

The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again', giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.

Music will follow.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you will want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.

Please use large double door at the side entrance..

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge so up yours.'

[Steelharp]

Where my Mom goes, they had an announcement about all the "sick and sh-t ins"... lol...

[Guest 6.8 AR]

"Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door."

Priceless:lol:

[nightrunner]

those are great!

[Guest BEARMAN]

Excellent post, oldfella....I'm still LMAO! :rofl::rofl:

[Smith]

Yeah, it can be pretty humerous sometimes. What is really humerous is that most of the time the authors don't get it, so it's hard to correct.

I remeber my dad preaching about Balam once and concluded with the statement, "If God can speak through Balam's ass, he can speak through you!"

[Chief07]

I always love to here these!

Church is fun!

[Luckyforward]

My favorite from a church bulletin in NC years ago:

Sermon Title - Peter: Are You A Big Peter or A Little Peter?

[Links2k]

very funny

[Almond27]

Laughing so hard at some of these it hurt.

[Guest razorblade]

Made my day.

[G27]

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Hahahahaha

[Alpha7]

Not a bulletin per se but once driving through nc I saw an old country church and on the sign it said GIT R DONE FER GOD

[Guest Muttling]

When I was growing up, our minister loved to give a sermon about the "ONE Unforgivable Sin" every 3 to 4 months.

It was a different sin each time.