Refrigerator note.

[bubbiesdad]

Stole this from another site.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door:

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.

The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a

claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically

pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.

Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't

help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized

bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I

will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however.

Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not

necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest

extent possible.

I also know that sticking tails straight out and

having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but

sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom!

If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut,

it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw

under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the

same door I entered.

Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance

is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I

cannot stress this enough.

One more thing, staring at me while I eat to try to direct my

mind to give you my food will not work (usually). I am too old and too

tired. Go stare at the kids. They are younger and more susceptible to

mind control. If you don't believe me, notice how they all

dress alike so they can be individuals.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message

on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.

(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less,

(2) don't ask for money all the time,

(3) are easier to train,

(4) normally come when called,

(5) never ask to drive the car,

(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;

(7) don't smoke or drink,

(8) don't want to wear your clothes,

(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,

(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and

(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children

__________________

[TNFF319]

Thats funny. Thanks for the laugh.

[tntnixon]

+1 . The first time my friends came to my house for poker, they asked me if I had any "house rules". I said "You can smoke, drink, cuss, piss in the floor, vomit on my furniture and look up kiddie porn on my computer and pay for it with my credit card. But, if you so much as breathe a breath of negative air towards one of my schnauzers, I will kill you. Even though I saying this with a smile, so help me I will blow your brains all over my freshly painted walls."

Edited January 19, 2010 by tntnixon

[Guest Bluemax]

+ 1000 It never ceases to amaze me that it makes no difference what kind of lifestyle people lead, nor there income or if they are driving a fashionable car or not, but you bring up the subject of their pets ( dogs in my case ) and all social barriers suddenly fall. In my job which is in sales, my dogs have been one of my greatest assests though by no means intended for that. However in my job, I constantly encounter people better educated and more professional than I but if I happen to spot a picture of a dog on their desk, we have something in common and all bets are off. The good Lord in his infinite wisdom sent me my dogs and I thank him for their companionship every day

[Krull]

I remeber when my best friends ex girlfriend told my wife that "Burton"

wasn't a real German Shepard Dog because he was American, that was it for her. My wife was so mean to that poor girl. The girl was a vet tech also. I can't believe she said he was to large to be a GSD.

[Guest Bluemax]

+1 . The first time my friends came to my house for poker, they asked me if I had any "house rules". I said "You can smoke, drink, cuss, piss in the floor, vomit on my furniture and look up kiddie porn on my computer and pay for it with my credit card. But, if you so much as breathe a breath of negative air towards one of my schnauzers, I will kill you. Even though I saying this with a smile, so help me I will blow your brains all over my freshly painted walls."

Ahh.... a kindred spirit !!

[Guest jackdm3]

Krull, that is the GORGEOUS specimen I've always wanted, but when Tiger found our porch last March, I knew I had to put that on hold.

[Guest jackdm3]

I'm sorry. I can't help it. Look at the size of his paws!

[Krull]

Well Jack I have 3 of those as well and a few more dogs

neese my other gsd

4 dogs 3 cats and a lot of headaches. Hahahahaha

[Guest Buzz87]

just my 2 pups worth!

[Guest jackdm3]

Awwwwww they look like real buddies!

[Guest jackdm3]

And for some reason, the little one looks serious!

[Guest louderthebetter]

Its funny how close I have gotten to my dogs.I can almost read their minds

at times.They seem to know what mood I'm in and how to deal with it.

If I'm in a good mood,they bring me toys for me to play toss with them.

If I'm pi$$ed off about something,they high-tail it outside till I'm in a better frame of mind.

I guess the oddest thing is when I'm sick(hung-over or whatever) they

sit and watch over me like a mother hen with one chick till I'm better.

You can read the concern and worry in their eyes.

A line from a Tom T Hall song is"The only things worth a solitary dime are

old dogs,children and watermelon wine"

That may sound simplistic but you have to admit,he has a way with words.

[Guest Buzz87]

And for some reason, the little one looks serious!

the little one stays on high alert from the big one. They are full grown and are brothers. They are great and sleep with the cat. It's cute to see. We have 5 birds and a hamster also. All our pets are rescues except 1 bird. we love them so much!

[Punisher84]

I love my dogs with all my heart and soul. They aren't pets they are my kids for sure.

[Guest bkelm18]

Always been a cat person myself. Grew up with 3 or 4 of em. After having a few bad experiences as a child with dogs, I just can't bring myself to trust them. If my apartment allowed furred creatures, I'd get a cat in a heartbeat. I'll settle for my serpent friends until then.

[Luckyforward]

Hee hee hee a good one!

[Motasyco]

Here's our pup. This is how he was dressed for Halloween. Yep, he's packin'.

[Krull]

That guy is awesome, he packing a 38? Haha

[Guest harley309]

That was TERRIFIC !!!!

Now I'll steal it and send to my friends.

Thank you so much for posting it.

[Guest GenNBForrest]

As an animal lover.......this is a great thread!

[Punisher84]

[Guest mustangdave]

Good note for the fridge...though I would never post that where my "kids" could read it. They'd end up "blogging" about me on the "animal inter-webz"...next thing you know, I'm on "It's Me or the Dog(s)" with that English dog trainer dominatrix...on second thought...that could be "fun"