"The stupid is strong with this one..." (D. Vader)

[Mark@Sea]

So Tuesday night, as I was returning to the ship, I was stopped for a 'random' vehicle search.

In the back of the vehicle was the machete I use for clearing trees from the driveway on occasion.

The base police arrested me for "concealed carry of a deadly weapon" in violation of state law.

Problem is, it isn't against the law, as it wasn't concealed and I wasn't carrying it... So the locals told them they weren't interested (I can just imagine their reaction). so after an hour and a half, they had me sign a form acknowledging that I accepted custody of "the prisoner" (myself), and turned me loose. They kept the machete, and told me I could pick it up in two or three days.

Today I go over to pick it up, and two (rent-a-cop) "detectives" sit me down in the interrogation room to counsel me on the error of my ways, and ensure I understood that keeping a machete in the back of your vehicle is verboten. I asked, since it wasn't actually, you know, against the law, why not? I was told it was a weapon. Okay, says I, can I carry an axe? "Absolutely not!". I supposed a hatchet was right out, then, but then asked, half in jest, "How about a chainsaw?". The rent-a-detective got a puzzled look on his face for a moment, and then informed me that a chainsaw is fine.

A bit confused about this, I asked why a chainsaw is okay, and an axe is not. He stated (with a straight face) that a chainsaw is a tool normally used to cut wood. I looked him right in the eye and asked what he usually used an axe for.

Blah blah for another 15 minutes or so, to make sure I grasped the seriousness of my transgression.

He then returned the evil machete of doom to me, and informed me (again with a straight face) that I would either have to take it off base, or take it aboard my ship, but leaving it in the truck would see me arrested again, and turned over to the local gendarmes for the non-crime. As they'd already told him to pack sand the first time, this was understood by both of us to be just an offer of harmless entertainment for a couple of hours.

At that point I was given a police escort to the pier, where they ensured that I carried it aboard. (The officer that did so apologized for the hassle, thanked me, and drove off.)

My skipper happened to be at the gangway when I came aboard, and I asked if he had a problem with my machete - "No, why do you ask?"

I think he's still laughing.

I'll have a chainsaw in the truck by Saturday.

I related this to a board member, who insisted I post it. Possibly to compensate him for his laughter-induced aneurism.

Edited December 17, 2009 by Mark@Sea

[Guest SUNTZU]

Sure!

Edit to add: Any of you who attend East Tn shoots should make a note to ask Mark about this event the next time you see him! Even funnier to hear him tell it.

"How about a chainsaw?"

"Sure!"

Edited December 17, 2009 by SUNTZU

[poak]

Unbelievable.

So, are these contracted Wackenhut types or something that work on base?

[Mark@Sea]

Unbelievable.

So, are these contracted Wackenhut types or something that work on base?

Yeah.

And I guess this one never saw "Texas Chainsaw Massacre"

[brooksjr]

[poak]

Yeah.

And I guess this one never saw "Texas Chainsaw Massacre"

Maybe he saw "Virginia Machete Slaughter"?

[MacGyver]

Wow. Unbelievable.

[Guest Jamie]

Unbelievable.

So, are these contracted Wackenhut types or something that work on base?

Sound more like WackenNUT types, to me...

I'd comment further, but nothing else I can come up with is fit to print.

Mark, I assume the yo-yos in question have no real law enforcement authority, other than what the typical security guard has?

J.

[oldogy]

ROFLMAO. That one is going to be hard to top. What a bunch of clowns. Don't they realize you may need that machete to scrape a barnacle or two. Or very least, use it to quickly part a line.

oldogy, who is still laughing at what has to be the story of the year.

[DWARREN123]

Sounds like a idiot convention going on there!

[Mark@Sea]

We actually have machetes and axes aboard to part lines. Only safe way to do it, when it is under a strain.

And yes, their 'authority' extends to turning it over to regular police.

[Guest SUNTZU]

They haven't seen Evil Dead, either.

[R1100R]

Nothing like the DOD police? Even worse is a 18 yo MP on traffic?

On the gates here are Wachenhut guards which are not bad. Most are retired Army NCO's.

[bubbiesdad]

Yeah.

And I guess this one never saw "Texas Chainsaw Massacre"

Or "Pieces"

[Guest SUNTZU]

YouTube - Stripes - Don't Call Me Francis

[Chief07]

Oh my God! Hee, Hee, Haa,Haa

The Navy still hires these idiots?

I thought they were nuts back in the 70's in Norfolk at NOB and Little creek.

Gotta love the Government.

[Mike.357]

thats crazy Mark.

On the serious side I am very glad that nothing came of it.

Love the chainsaw idea and can't wait to hear you tell this firsthand.

[Garufa]

Sorry you got hassled, but .

Reasoning with dumbasses, especially those with "authority", is an aggravating and often frightful experience.

I would have given anything to be there.

[NuTcAsE]

Glad nothing came of it. I'd be in trouble for constantly screwing with them.

[Guest SUNTZU]

I've been trying to talk Mark into cutting the handle off a machete and attaching it to a sheath with the handle sticking out from under the seat. I'm sure he'll be hit with a "random" search in the near future. I'd also go rent one of those chainsaws with the four foot blades and strap it to the hood of the truck like a Robot Warrior vehicle. When they ask him what its for he can reply, "Two men enter...one man leaves."

[Guest jackdm3]

Wait! When you charge someone with a chainsaw, "One man enter, two men leave."

[Guest GunTroll]

Thats pretty bad. I had a similar experience with gate guards over an asp (baton). When the MP's showed up they just laughed and let me go. It must have burnt the gate goons a bit.

Keep us posted and please do harass them every time you can for the hell of it.

[Harold]

ROFL.....Wonder what a hammer would get you?

[Guest Drewsett]

This story made me LOL so hard I pooped my pants...

Not really, but almost. Great story, gotta love private security types. I feel inspired to become a certified armed security guard by this story so that I too can harass people for no apparent reason and without lawful grounding.

[mk19]

it all makes sense, the Vikings did not use chainsaws for combat but the did use axes. that is why no axe in the trunk...

Talking about sillyness, in Ca carrying an Axe in your trunk is fine but carrying an axe handle is not. it is a belly club and against the law.