THE CODE:

[timcalhoun]

This is making its way around again and thought that surely some have not seen it. I first read it a year or two ago and love it. So, just in case you have not seen it..........Here you go!

"THE RETROSEXUAL MALE:

Please allow me to vent. I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!

Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the Retrosexual movement. "

The Code :

A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a God.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little "wakin' up".

Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your Ford truck.

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land. Except on his truck--that would

[Guest TurboniumOxide]

The last part I believe was left off:

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A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except officers above 2nd Lt)

NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT.

-----------------------------------------

This fits me, and my dad, and his dad, and from what I know, His dad, exactly. I fight to be A REAL MAN every day amongst the pantywaisted.

ETA: Amen Brother.

Edited December 3, 2009 by TurboniumOxide

[KOM2]

That's great!

[LagerHead]

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.

My wife hates it when I drive in snow. But I ain't sittin' at the back of the pack, either.

[poak]

This is great.

I spent some time up north (Boston for a bit, DC for a bit longer) when I had a job that required frequent travel, and might I say the traditional southern gentleman was a welcome sight to the tortured women of the north.

[Guest cjames38464]

Awsome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mci2727]

+1 You DEAL With It!

[tennessee01tacoma]

this is great I just sent this to all my retrosexual friends

[VolunteerGuns]

Sweet...

Oh so true.

:D

[R1100R]

That's great. Going to send it out.

[Guest tdtennessee]

doing it on my facebook page, adding one a day. there arent many of us left that actually live by those standards

[Ebow1]

I'd like to clarify that a retrosexual man doesn't wear clothes from hot topic no matter what his age.

[kb4ns]

Gotta love a little thread revival!

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except officers above 2nd Lt)

What does the rank have to do with it?

[Ebow1]

Well, someone else said bird is the word for thread revival. I typed it in, and I liked this one so I commented.

[Guest TargetShooter84]

I cried when my goldfish died.....

jk

Great thread.

[Handsome Rob]

My upper lip just got a little stiffer & I can feel the chest hairs trying to grow through my shirt. Gotta send this to some of my 'Metro' friends back inna UK. Let 'em know what they're doing wrong.

[Chucktshoes]

Gotta love a little thread revival!

What does the rank have to do with it?

Obviously it was written by an enlisted man. Lol. I remember all the bitching about the brass that went on.

[Guest Lester Weevils]

Here is an amusing retro page which may fit with the theme of The Code.

Vintage Men’s Magazines Covers | The Art of Manliness

[kb4ns]

Here is an amusing retro page which may fit with the theme of The Code.

Vintage Men’s Magazines Covers | The Art of Manliness

Nice!

[Guest mustangdave]

Here is an amusing retro page which may fit with the theme of The Code.

Vintage Men’s Magazines Covers | The Art of Manliness

Very nice...reminds me of visits with to my Grandpa Dutch...with my dad..may they both rest in peace