The Legend of Bubba Coon

[Guest mikedwood]

:death:Didn't know what else to title it, but it's a true story about self defense or almost.

This summer we have had a raccoon problem and got about 10 in the trap (I live in the city limits so no shooting). Three pretty big ones. One we called Rocky. He was almost uncatchable.

On to the defense:

I was kicking back on Saturday about 3 weeks ago. Watching "Cops, Shootout" for about an hour and a half. Man wild stuff people are crazy! And it looks hard to shoot under pressure.

Bubba calls and says that he's heading home from the auction. He sounds a little sick or something. He didn't get anything good at the auction. Nothing at all really.

I grab my smokes and water bottle and head outside to jabber a few mins and smoke a tasty cig (yeah trying to quit, only smoke outside now, it's a start) I open the door and I'm carrying all this junk and talking on the phone.

It's 11:00 pm and pretty dark.

What! I see something heading at my head. It's black and about the size of a baseball. I start back peddling and it's amasing all the stuff going through my head.

Is it a raccoon attacking? Dunno could be?

Is it something that a home invader is using to knock me out?

Whatever it is, it's it or me!

I put up my arm to block it. I'm ready for the impact. It's going to hurt bad. It's probably going to knock me down.

It hits! Right on the forearm. The block worked! I'm still on my feet. Only, it feels like a stuffed animal? What? A real soft stuffed animal? Can't be. It's my mind blocking all the pain out.

I catch a glimpse of someone sitting in the deck chair. He's pretty big. Darned home invaders! What would he just sit there. Frig it. I have no choice but to protect myself.

I just have my hand on my trusty G26:koolaid: when I hear the laughter mixed with crying. And it sounds like Budda. It is Bubba and he is such a moron.

All of a sudden I was so relieved that I wasn't going to kill or be killed that night. Not happy not mad just kinda like "Cool it's OK". Most of all I was glad I hadn't shot him, well I wasn't mad I hadn't shot him, yet.

The idiot knows I carry if I'm awake. He knows that. He got me back into guns. We go shooting together a lot. He knows I am carrying even at home.

He's at an auction and they have these stuffed animals going through for $2.00 a piece. In the course of an auction run he devises the plan.

1. Buy $2.00 stuffed raccoon

2. Take said raccoon and sneak on my back porch

3. Hide, call me knowing that I will probably go burn a cig.

4. Throw raccoon at the appropriate time to hit me in the head.

20 mins later he is still crying. I have never seen him cry about anything. 30 mins later he's crying, three weeks later, mention it and he still cries.

I told him "Dude I could have shot you!" He said he figured I wouldn't be able to figure out what gun to use, before I figured out it was him. I only had one gun on, and I still didn't even clear leather.

It did teach me a few things

1. I can have a 20 min conversation in my mind in Less than 3 seconds.

2. I can't draw fast at all when carrying stuff in both hands and a phone tucked under my chin.

3. It's about impossible to do any tactical manuvers with a phone tucked under your chin.

4. Know what you are shooting at, it could be an idiot.

5. In a time of stress if my girl friend is around she is just going to run around in circles yelling "What's happening? What's going on" more running and more circles.

Things I probably will learn.

You shouldn't post such events on the Internet.

[Guest 3pugguy]

Mikedwood - Glad you didn't shoot Bubba!

Good luck on giving up the death sticks; you will be much better off for it. I quit after smoking for over 20 years - it will be 14 years come October since I quit - and know it is damned hard to do, so stick with it and good luck.

PS: on Bubba, remember that revenge is a dish best eaten cold. Let him forget the 'coon incident, then Wham, you can get him back, if you are so inclined.

[Oh Shoot]

Boy, you guys have some kind of fun just over there in Secret City.

Really much tamer here.

- OS

[Guest dizzielizzie]

The stuffed coon is now yours (I hope you confiscated it!)

[Guest mikedwood]

Boy, you guys have some kind of fun just over there in Secret City.

Really much tamer here. - OS

Yeah it's a real barrel of laughs here! When I'm not dodging for my life.

Mikedwood - Glad you didn't shoot Bubba!

Good luck on giving up the death sticks; you will be much better off for it. I quit after smoking for over 20 years - it will be 14 years come October since I quit - and know it is damned hard to do, so stick with it and good luck.

PS: on Bubba, remember that revenge is a dish best eaten cold. Let him forget the 'coon incident, then Wham, you can get him back, if you are so inclined.

I'm trying I ALMOST quit then a stressful day got me. Gonna try again soon.

Oh yeah I'm getting him back. Dunno how yet. Bubba Coon (That's what we named the raccoon) is going to be hard to top.

The stuffed coon is now yours (I hope you confiscated it!)

Yeah my Girlfriend got him. We had to give her something to calm her down. He's pretty cute. I'll post a picture when I get my camera back from BrazilNuts. I was going to take pictures at the range yesterday and got into shooting and forgot. I even forgot my camera.

[Bocephus]

You should return said stuffed coon minus head as a warning.

[TripleDigitRide]

Who's Bubba?

[Guest 3pugguy]

Yeah it's a real barrel of laughs here! When I'm not dodging for my life.

I'm trying I ALMOST quit then a stressful day got me. Gonna try again soon.

Oh yeah I'm getting him back. Dunno how yet. Bubba Coon (That's what we named the raccoon) is going to be hard to top.

Yeah my Girlfriend got him. We had to give her something to calm her down. He's pretty cute. I'll post a picture when I get my camera back from BrazilNuts. I was going to take pictures at the range yesterday and got into shooting and forgot. I even forgot my camera.

Let us know when you figure out what to do to Bubba.

And I sincerly wish you the best on your quitting smoking. Nokomom on here is also trying to quit - maybe if some of ya'll are on the same quest, you could set up a network of support. I think that, because unless ya'll are a lot different from me, it was an SOB quitting, but I had a strong support group and it helped a ton.

Most of the guys in my division did not smoke and we all worked out like crazy, so I had plenty of backup if I felt weak. Added to the fact I was at sea the first week, with limited places where smoking was allowed on the ship (another way to stay on the path - avoid smokers as much as possible and places where it's allowed).

And thanks again for the laugh about the 'coon story - that is just too much and I can almost see you on the porch with all the different thoughts going thru your mind at light speed.

[Guest mikedwood]

You should return said stuffed coon minus head as a warning.

There doesn't need to be a warning he knows it's coming

Who's Bubba?

Bubba is my crazy best friend who seems to have a death wish. He's a great friend though.

Let us know when you figure out what to do to Bubba.

And thanks again for the laugh about the 'coon story - that is just too much and I can almost see you on the porch with all the different thoughts going thru your mind at light speed.

I will I came up with a great idea last night but he lurks on here so.... I can't reveal anything.

As far as smoking goes I tried last month and started working out and what have you. Felt freak great. I had a set back and don't feel so great lately. Smoking feels a lot worse at 40 than it did 17 that's for sure.

I hope Nokomom fairs better than I have so far. It's the darnest habit I have ever had and I have had plenty.

Your welcome for the laugh. Thanks for the reply. It did totally amase me how much went through my head and how slow everything moved. I don't know if that's good or bad but it's mostly why I wrote about it. Plus it was funny as all get out.

[TNTitan]

These are the kind of stories that usually accompany the Darwin Awards! Glad bubbas ok.

[kellyII]

Im just glad to hear that Bubba didnt get shot,

thats why PID is so very important....

good thing you didnt get your weapon drawn from your holster also