Gun Control: An Analogy (PG-13)

[Guest CrazyLincoln]

I have created an analogy as proof of concept that gun control does not achieve its desired results of reducing crime and preventing human misfortune. A warning, however, it is a PG-13 analogy.

Using the arguments and logic of gun control advocates, I will make an argument for control of condoms. Both guns and condoms are used for protection, and can be dangerous if used improperly.

The argument:

In 2002, over 16,000 people in the us died from STD related illness (About as many from firearms every year, including suicide). Condoms are generally only seen where there sexual activity. Promiscuous people are the primary users of condoms since a monogamous person would have no need for them with the various forms of birth control alternatives on the market. To minimize the promiscuous behavior and stop the spread of STD's we need to minimize the availability of condoms.

The solution:

• Require a license to buy and use condoms. Only those who the government determines have a 'reasonable need' for condoms may have a license. Also, how many and what kind of condoms must be recorded and filed.
  
• No minors may purchase or posses condoms. This will prevent teen pregnancy and STD's among those under 18.
  
• No 'ultra-thin' condoms. They are too dangerous because they are more likely to break. Additionally, any condoms with special features (such as texture or scent) are banned since they promote promiscuity.
  
• Condoms can not be carried where there is a high likelihood of promiscuity, such as hotels or campgrounds. Especially not where there is alcohol. Alcohol and condoms together could make an otherwise monogamous person promiscuous. By keeping condoms out of these areas, it will decrease the likelihood of sexual activity.
  

Obviously this satirical and I condone neither condom control nor promiscuity. Nor am I advocating we drop background checks and the like. However, the point remains that neither gun control nor condom control deal with the root issue (crime and disease respectively) and often hinder those who would actually use such a tool in the appropriate situation.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

[LagerHead]

Kinda crazy, but I like it. Or is it, kinda crazy, SO I like it. Could be either.