Time to bury another alcoholic

[NoBanStan]

First it was my wife's friend, age 47. Then it was her sisters husband, 56. Today its my high school buddies younger brother, 42. All that in the last few months. Several more friends and family who are well on their way. 1-2 of them I'm surprised haven't died yet.

I've seen enough drunkenness and death around me that I don't think I'll ever take another drink. If you know someone like this. Please... don't be an enabler and just let them continue. Unless you want to bury them too.

 

[Erik88]

Sorry to hear this. It's a bad problem. I've heard some people say lately that in 20 years alcohol will be seen as the new tobacco. A lot more people are starting to talk about how terrible it is for us. I've known 3 people between 25-40 that have died from it. 

[Frog4aday]

Brother-in-law drank himself to death. Rehab never worked and he went many times. He was such a nice guy, too. The alcohol just seemed to "own" him and he couldn't escape it. Very sad. He was about 58 y/o. I had heard alcohol could kill you but never saw it happen until B-I-L. Now I know it's true. I feel bad for anyone w/an addiction. It's like the devil is in control.

[KahrMan]

I have been where you are. No way around it, it just sucks. My friends death still bothers me today. Such a waste of a life. Sorry you are having to go through so much lately. 

[NoBanStan]

I'm at the point I'm more angry and resentful about it than sad.

[FUJIMO]

It's a more powerful addiction than ppl seem to realize. I understand social drinking is widely accepted and promoted but some people allow it to consume their lives. Im thankful to have been exposed to the dark side at an early age and was shown what I didn't want to be when I grew up. Sadly some can't beat that devil in a bottle. 

[deerslayer]

Alcohol is just another drug that happens to be legal.  Kids are told “never do drugs” by the same people who give them their first drink.  Its potential for addiction and destructiveness should be respected as much as any other drug, but isn’t.  

[DJTC45]

It's a shame that it happens, I know first hand.

Edited February 19 by DJTC45

[LangdoniousRex]

Had a good buddy with that affliction that I invited to live with me and my then wife to give him a stable space to figure himself out. The house was bone dry but that didn't stop him. Looked into outside intervention which ended up being a dead end. Unless you are family (which his was far away and just treated him like an ATM) there's practically nothing you can do. He eventually bought a house and we moved elsewhere because watching the decline play out in real time was too much to bear. A couple years later, up to the usual imbibing ritual, he slipped and bonked his noggin' and that was it. Best and hardest thing I did was walk away because you can't help people that can't help themselves.

[bigun]

It is truly sad. I learned at an early age that it wasn’t good. I stopped binge drinking and glad that I did. Sorry for the loss of your friends. 

[Will Carry]

You are a good man and did the best you could.  I have seen people do the same thing. It is terrible to watch. 

[pop pop]

My father was a weekend drunk. He would start of Friday and sober up on Sunday afternoon. He was a functioning drunk. All his activities were centered around drinking. All his friends did the same.  Our hunting, fishing, and camping trips were all drinking parties for him/them. Like others here, I determined not to live that way and put my family through that ordeal.  I have not had a drink since Military in the late 60's.  His drinking really had an effect on me, and may I say for the better. Drinking can diffidently take your life. 

Sorry for the loss of your friend, NoBanStan

[BigK]

My wife's aunt recently died as a result of her drinking. She crawled into a bottle after her husband died 7 years ago and drank herself into the grave last month. She/I weren't close, but I hated seeing the gradual pain and loss her alcoholism caused my wife and mother-in-law. I feel your pain, brother.

[RED333]

So sorry to hear this guys. Saying a prayer for all involved.
I quit drinking when I was 26 years old. Too many times waking up and not knowing how I got there, the last time the lines crossed on the road. To this day I did not hurt myself or anyone else. I have not drank since then.

[btq96r]

Sorry you keep encountering this, @NoBanStan.  I agree with everyone involved in the tragedy of it all.

I don't drink anymore for health reasons (made my blood pressure way easier to manage), and I don't miss it at all.  I'll never be a prohibitionist because we saw how that worked, but if the world went dry, or reigned it in for their own reasons, that would make it a better place, I think.

[NoBanStan]

26 minutes ago, btq96r said:

Sorry you keep encountering this, @NoBanStan.  I agree with everyone involved in the tragedy of it all.

I don't drink anymore for health reasons (made my blood pressure way easier to manage), and I don't miss it at all.  I'll never be a prohibitionist because we saw how that worked, but if the world went dry, or reigned it in for their own reasons, that would make it a better place, I think.

I'm not for removal of alcohol either. I don't even begrudge folks for safely getting a buzz and using it as social lubricant.

What I can't stand is the enabler and the taboo nature of telling someone they have a problem.

"Hey hey, don't call Ted an alcoholic! You don't know what he's been through!".

That's very true. I don't walk in Ted's shoes. But, do you know who else won't be walking in Ted's shoes soon? Ted. Because Ted is gonna die. Hope you're OK with that. I guess that's easier than hurting Ted's feelings.

[Dirtshooter]

Sorry to hear this Stan and the rest that have similar stories. I'm 71 and grew up in a culture that everyone drank and smoked. And then one day after even doctors said smoking was good for you. Look at some of the old cigarette ads. The cars all had cigarette lighters and ash trays. And yes it really is hard to tell a kid not to do drugs as you sit there with a beer or mixed drink in your hands. I used to be a drunk, the difference in a drunk and an alcoholic is alcoholics go to meetings. I haven't drank in about 20 years or smoked in 25-30 years. Both of these substances are hard to break. Not everyone can be a social drinker. Alcohol has it's place as a cough medicine but that is about all I can see it is good for.

[NoBanStan]

So I was a Pall bearer for my buddy on Thursday. Sad affair.

6 hours later we got the call that a family member was found unconscious in a parking lot. Another alcoholic. He passed away at 3am this morning.

Please please please.... If you struggle with alcohol...seek help. Don't be afraid to admit it and talk about it. Pray about it most importantly. It won't be an easy road, but there is a road to recovery.

If you have loved ones who struggle, confront it. They may be angry with you, but what's worse, their disapproval or their early burial?

Someone out there needs you/them. A wife, a child, a friend. It doesn't just ruin your life, it ruins theirs.

Please get help. Hell, ping me privately. I will talk to anyone.

[Luckyforward]

As a psychotherapist (and the grandson and son of an alcoholic) one way I try to educate those who are drinking too much is to educate them on what's going on in the brain.  Alcohol is dually reinforcing because it can both activate the brain’s reward processing system that mediates pleasure and reduce the activity of the brain’s systems that mediate negative emotional states such as stress, anxiety, and emotional pain.  

Sometimes, if a person can come to understand that the effects of ETOH on the brain affects the brain as a disease, that will lead them into getting help.  To get folks to confront their usage, you gotta try every tool in the box . . .

 

https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/cycle-alcohol-addiction

[NoBanStan]

So i never followed up on this. The second guy was given a memorial party... with a cash bar (don't get me started). That's how he lived and that's how people wanted to remember him. So, who am I to judge?

However, I did grab the mic, tell a few funny stories and then point out that he had a problem, just like we all do, but often in different ways. Then I said sternly that if you're struggling with anything, find help. There's 50+ people in this room, i'm sure you could start here. Including with me.

That's about the best I can offer.