Mental health

[NoBanStan]

Last night I sent a text to a former coworker. We're not close, but I like to check in with people now and then. A few minutes later I got a text from another number asking who I was. My initial thought was, maybe they've changed phone numbers or someone else found their phone. Sadly, this wasn't the case.

The person texting me back was my coworkers wife, letting me know that he had committed suicide two weeks prior. There's a sorted history there that I won't get into, but what I will say is that it was completely unexpected. We're talking about a guy that I thought was a rock. I would describe him as a "manly man". Married, two kids, always into the dad jokes but took his work and life very seriously. A big 2a advocate, red blooded American type.

Folks, this just goes to show that you never know what's going on in someones life. You don't know someone else's story, or what they've been through. Some people hide it better than others.

For me, it tells me that I need to learn to have a bit more grace and make sure I check in more often with the people I care about (God being first and foremost).

Make sure that you take the time to be with family and friends. Life is too short and fellowship is where it's at. No amount of "stuff" will ever fill the void.

And if you are struggling, please seek help. There are 1001 reasons why you matter. I had the unfortunate task of informing all of his old coworkers (which i did gladly because I wasn't going to put that back on his wife) and it amazed me that people I thought only knew him in passing were gutted to find out what happened. A few of them even started talking to me about their own struggles with depression.

Suicide isn't the answer.

[Luckyforward]

I am sincerely very sorry for your loss.  I am a licensed psychotherapist in Tennessee and echo your thoughts.  We can all check on our friends and there are resources out there to remind folks that they can reach out.  If they won't talk with family or friends, encourage friends to reach out to a lifeline.

[Luckyforward]

By the way, there has long been a rumor that if you call a lifeline, they "trace your call and come get you."  This is not true.  All calls to hotlines are completely confidential.  Below is some supplemental information.

 

What Happens When You Contact 988 About Suicide?

 

Beginning July 16, 2022, you can call or text 988 to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. It's a new way to reach free, live support if you or someone you know has thoughts of suicide, a mental health or substance use crisis, or any other kind of emotional distress.

The Lifeline has been around since 2005 at (800) 273-8255 (TALK), and you will still be able to reach it 24/7 at that number. This new three-digit calling code will just make it easier to remember and dial.

When You Call 988

If you call 988, you’ll first hear a greeting message that will give you options to connect to the Veterans Crisis Line, access help in Spanish, or remain on the line while your call is routed to your local Lifeline network crisis center. This is based on your area code.

If your local crisis center is unable to answer, your call will go to another Lifeline center. Around 200 independent, locally owned and operated crisis centers work in the Lifeline network, and there are plans to expand and improve the network with the launch of 988.

Once your call is routed, a trained counselor will answer the phone. They will listen, provide support, and share resources if needed. Their main goal is to support you in your moment of distress.

If they feel you are in danger, the counselor may discuss connecting you to local emergency services like 911, but first they will do everything they can to help you with a less invasive plan to keep you safe. Fewer than 2% of Lifeline calls involve local emergency services and more than half of those are with the caller’s consent.

When You Online Chat or Text 988

If you prefer to chat with a counselor on a computer, go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat. The Lifeline has provided online chat services since 2013 and these will continue after the launch of 988.

Before you begin the chat, you’ll be asked to fill out a quick survey to share a little bit about yourself, your main struggle and how you’re feeling. This will help your counselor best support you from the start of your conversation. You’ll see a message while you wait for a crisis counselor to join your chat.

A counselor will answer your chat as soon as one is available. They will ask you questions about your safety, feelings, social situation, and if you have any thoughts of suicide. If needed, the chat counselor will work with you to create a safety plan or contact local emergency services.

If there is a long wait to chat with someone, you’ll get a message to let you know. While you wait, you can check out online resources from the Lifeline, which are linked on the chat webpage, or call 988 to speak with someone right away. The chat’s busiest times are between 10 p.m. and 2 a.m. EST.

Starting July 16, you can also text 988 from your cell phone. A counselor from a Lifeline crisis center will respond. They may or may not be local. In the next few years texting service will grow to include more local crisis centers.

No matter how you access 988, the goal is to help ease your stress and give you tools to make healthy choices.

Not Only for Suicide Prevention

988 isn’t just for suicide concerns. It’s also a resource for anyone who is going through a crisis related to substance use or mental health, and anyone worried about a loved one who may need support.

“Anyone who is depressed, going through a hard time, needs to talk, or is thinking about suicide” can contact 988, according to the Lifeline’s website. The website states that counselors “are here to listen and support you through whatever difficult times you may be facing.”

Free and Confidential

Any time you reach out to 988, your calls, texts and chats will be confidential. This means that your information will not be shared without your consent, unless your or someone else’s safety is in immediate danger.

Your chats with 988 are secured with the same data protection standards that major financial institutions use. Anything you type to a counselor is encrypted from your computer to theirs.

You do not need to provide any personal information in order to use 988. Anytime someone asks you for personal data it will only be used to connect you to ongoing support or to help Lifeline improve its services. Your information will never be sold.

The U.S. government funds 988 and the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, making it free for anyone to use. Your phone company may charge you standard rates for texts and calls.

[Alleycat72]

1 hour ago, Luckyforward said:

I am sincerely very sorry for your loss.  I am a licensed psychotherapist in Tennessee and echo your thoughts.  We can all check on our friends and there are resources out there to remind folks that they can reach out.  If they won't talk with family or friends, encourage friends to reach out to a lifeline.

I would suggest a burner phone that has never been connected to the cellular tower near your home or work. 

[BigK]

5 hours ago, NoBanStan said:

Folks, this just goes to show that you never know what's going on in someones life. You don't know someone else's story, or what they've been through. Some people hide it better than others.

So true, brother. You also never know when a kind word or gesture might be all someone needs to get thru another day.

 

[res308]

1 hour ago, BigK said:

So true, brother. You also never know when a kind word or gesture might be all someone needs to get thru another day.

 

Yes! This quote needs to be a billboard. 

I’ve often wondered how many times it’s happened where someone was right there on that edge and an unkind word or gesture from someone was the last human interaction they ever had on this earth. 

We all need to take the time to pay attention. 

Edited April 18, 2023 by res308

[gregintenn]

Everybody is wrestling with something or another. Many times nobody else knows it.

[gregintenn]

If I ever did need some help, I’d have no idea where to go or who to trust. I damn sure wouldn’t call some .gov funded hotline, or whatever the place is affiliated with our current health insurance.

I doubt I’m the only one who feels that way. Not very trusting at all.

I wish I had a solution for how to make mental health services more attractive options for those who need them.

[BigK]

1 hour ago, gregintenn said:

If I ever did need some help, I’d have no idea where to go or who to trust. I damn sure wouldn’t call some .gov funded hotline, or whatever the place is affiliated with our current health insurance.

I doubt I’m the only one who feels that way. Not very trusting at all.

I wish I had a solution for how to make mental health services more attractive options for those who need them.

This may not be the answer for everyone, but the Pastor at our church is an excellent counselor. I trust him fully and he'd be the first person I reached out to. Bonus: his son is our Asst. Pastor and he's finishing up his Psychology degree for this exact reason. Our church believes strongly in helping with mental health.

[MacGyver]

1 hour ago, gregintenn said:

If I ever did need some help, I’d have no idea where to go or who to trust. I damn sure wouldn’t call some .gov funded hotline, or whatever the place is affiliated with our current health insurance.

I doubt I’m the only one who feels that way. Not very trusting at all.

I wish I had a solution for how to make mental health services more attractive options for those who need them.

Any of y’all can call me.

Anytime.

I’ve lost too many people that I care deeply about. Some here.  Way too soon.  There are a whole lot of reasons for that - and there aren’t any easy answers. It sucks.

But the heart of the matter is if you need someone to listen, or someone to yell at, or someone to cry with - I’ll be there.  Anytime.

 

 

[btq96r]

The veneer of mental stability is a lot thinner than people are comfortable acknowledging.  I say this as someone who has had to fight off "the grey" as as Jay Glazer calls it because it's part of my genetic code, apparently.

Reach out to someone if you need that anchor point, from someone you trust, a stranger if needed, a professional if you have the time...pretend your life depends on it, because it might.

[gary_boom]

I’m afraid these red flag laws will prevent people from getting help.

[gregintenn]

11 minutes ago, gary_boom said:

I’m afraid these red flag laws will prevent people from getting help.

Most certainly. Who’s going to go see a psychiatrist if it means having their home raided and personal property confiscated?

[BigK]

1 hour ago, gary_boom said:

I’m afraid these red flag laws will prevent people from getting help.

1 hour ago, gregintenn said:

Most certainly. Who’s going to go see a psychiatrist if it means having their home raided and personal property confiscated?

I was thinking the same about red flag laws. It's already so hard to muster the courage and bury your pride to reach out for help.

[MacGyver]

An honest question then - who are the people in your life that you *would* trust?

This is a thread on mental health - and we have shooting after shooting nationally where mental health is an issue that's brought right up front and center.  I get it that so many of us are skeptical of "the government" being able to take away your guns and due process and all of that.  I totally understand that.

But who are the people you'd trust to ask, "are you okay? have you had thoughts about hurting yourself or someone else? would it be helpful for me to hold onto your guns for a minute?"

I have had people's guns in my safe.  I have a couple in there right now - for people in my life who I care deeply about - and for whom I was able to get past myself and ask them, "can I hold your guns for a minute."

One friend may well be alive today because of it.  

It's probably worth going through that thought exercise - and asking both, "who are the people in my life whom I'd trust with my guns" and "who are the people in my life who would trust me with theirs."  That second one might be a bigger circle than you think.

 

 

[Chucktshoes]

29 minutes ago, MacGyver said:

 

I have had people's guns in my safe.  I have a couple in there right now - for people in my life who I care deeply about - and for whom I was able to get past myself and ask them, "can I hold your guns for a minute."

One friend may well be alive today because of it.  

It's probably worth going through that thought exercise - and asking both, "who are the people in my life whom I'd trust with my guns" and "who are the people in my life who would trust me with theirs."  That second one might be a bigger circle than you think.

 

 

On that subject. https://www.holdmyguns.org/

[hipower]

Mac, as always thanks to you for your kindness to us all, and your offers of assistance on so many levels.

 Now...as far as people, or persons, that I truely trust with anything in or about my life...I have one in my family. One(s) that I could go to. Thought I had a couple more, but last few years have shown me that isn't the case. And before you bring it up, my wife is wonderful. She puts up with and cares for me. Just as I'm sure all yours do. But sometimes...your wife just isn't enough.  At times, there are things I want to say, to speak of, that just aren't things she wants to hear or know of. That's sad, but true for all but the Blessed few with Godly, Sainted wives who are strong enough to hear all those secrets. Those fears we contain in our hearts and souls. Am I looking at this all wrong? Do you have things even your wife isn't privy to? Things you might have done that telling her of that would only bring hurt?

We all need someone to talk with now and then. Many, if not most of us , are ashamed to admit it. It's not "manly" to need that. I did, and was blessed to have this man for help. before you ask...yes, he was and is a good Christian man who himself has had a hard life. His childhood sweetheart  and wife of less than 5 years, cheated on him with one of his friends. Took their daughter to live with this man. It almost broke Mike. But it didn't. He had his faith and a wonderful sister to help thru the those times.

Thankfully he has resumed his life and now has 50/50 custody of his daughter. I'll never understand how that happened though. He should have gotten full custody.

Emotions are such a hard and private thing. Good, bad, love, or hate. All tug on us every day in such a way to make us want to cower in the dark at times. 

Our society has made it damn near impossible for those in need to reach out when they need help. We make fun of them, deride them, and ignore them. I mean that "we" in the sense of the human race as a whole.  Not every person is like that but...Most of the human race are not worth the salt in our bodies.

JMO, but I think we see that more and more each day.

Thankfully there are some that are of such good as to worry about, and help all they can reach. Those are the few, the Godly annointed with heads and hearts for helping. We absolutely need legions more of them.

Sorry for the dark words today, but we have to get them out sometimes to see and hear the good ones that are around us.

After all, you can't fight what you can't see. And to see these things, these words as I say...they have to and must be grought out into the open. Into the light of day. Not hidden away in the dark...in the silence of our minds.

Edited April 19, 2023 by hipower

[gregintenn]

9 hours ago, MacGyver said:

An honest question then - who are the people in your life that you *would* trust?

This is a thread on mental health - and we have shooting after shooting nationally where mental health is an issue that's brought right up front and center.  I get it that so many of us are skeptical of "the government" being able to take away your guns and due process and all of that.  I totally understand that.

But who are the people you'd trust to ask, "are you okay? have you had thoughts about hurting yourself or someone else? would it be helpful for me to hold onto your guns for a minute?"

I have had people's guns in my safe.  I have a couple in there right now - for people in my life who I care deeply about - and for whom I was able to get past myself and ask them, "can I hold your guns for a minute."

One friend may well be alive today because of it.  

It's probably worth going through that thought exercise - and asking both, "who are the people in my life whom I'd trust with my guns" and "who are the people in my life who would trust me with theirs."  That second one might be a bigger circle than you think.

 

 

Honestly, very few.

[Luckyforward]

Friends, I'd like to offer some perspective as a mental health professional.  Not trying to argue or start a conflict.  I've been doing this for 40 years so my words do not come so much from an earned doctorate but from practical experience.

I applaud each and every one of you who are willing to take a call from a friend in crisis and/or hold their firearms for them.  God bless each and every one of you. But in a moment of personal crisis, a friend may not want to make themselves vulnerable to you, thus, talking with an anonymous person on a national lifeline may be their best option.

Allow me to offer some feedback on the national suicide hotlines. I have worked on them.  Many of you distrust them, so I am going to tell you how they work.  You may believe me or not; your choice.  Again, I am not seeking to start a conflict - just offering enlightenment and it is your choice what you do with it. 

If you call 988 or any other lifeline you will be asked a few screening questions which have one purpose: to route you to the closest suicide hotline in your area.  If you are in the Nashville area and call 988, your call will go to Family and Children's Service who has the contract to operate the suicide hotline in Middle Tennessee. A few screening questions will be asked, but whether they are answered or not, the trained telephone responder has only one goal: to persuade the caller to accept help.

What the hotlines DO NOT DO:  they do not trace calls.  They have no way to find out who the caller is.  They have no means to call emergency services UNLESS the caller offers their address.  There is no attempt to take firearms away. No databases of names are kept and turned over to LEOs or anyone else.  In the moment a call comes from a suicidal person, the only agenda is to talk to them long enough that they give their address for EMTs to come to them or hopefully calm the person to the extent when they hang up on you, hopefully, they will not take their life.  The cops are called ONLY if the caller gives their address.

These call centers do not have the funds for equipment to trace calls. Doesn't matter if you use your own cellphone, a burner phone, or (for anyone who still has one!) a wired phone - there is not money in these agencies to acquire such technology, even if it exists. Call center workers have some background in mental health and are trained to talk with someone long enough that they will give their address and allow emergency services to respond.

IF THE CALLER DOES NOT OFFER THEIR ADDRESS THERE IS NO WAY TO DIRECT ANYONE TO HELP THEM.  THERE IS NO "SECRET SYSTEM" TO FIND OUT WHO THEY ARE OR WHERE THEY LIVE.

So I have worked in such a call center.  On a very cold night in January a gentleman called me and talked about taking his life. He wouldn't give me his address and then - as now - I had no way to trace it.  The only thing I had was my training as a mental health therapist to get him to talk; if I could get him to talk as long as possible the hope is that his emotion would lessen, match his logic, give me his address and I could get 911 to him so he could get to an ED.

We talked for four hours.  At the end, I heard a huge "BANG" and the line went dead.  As did the caller.  I still have dreams about what else I could have said . . .  I never knew who he was or where he lived.  We had no way to trace the call.

Guys, this isn't about "red flag" laws, tracing phone calls, or "the government."  Hotlines try to keep people alive.  And when they do not, the hotline worker gets counseling because of the massive guilt and disappointment they feel.  Because when the caller kills themselves, the hotline worker feels like a failure.  I know . . .

None of you know me and none of you have any reason to believe me, but if the only thing you can get a friend to do is to call a national/state lifeline . . . get them to call. 

I have offered my perspective and am not going to argue/justify my words. Accept or reject these statements as you wish.  And may life be good to you all.

Edited April 20, 2023 by Luckyforward

[Capbyrd]

14 hours ago, Luckyforward said:

Friends, I'd like to offer some perspective as a mental health professional.  Not trying to argue or start a conflict.  I've been doing this for 40 years so my words do not come so much from an earned doctorate but from practical experience.

I applaud each and every one of you who are willing to take a call from a friend in crisis and/or hold their firearms for them.  God bless each and every one of you. But in a moment of personal crisis, a friend may not want to make themselves vulnerable to you, thus, talking with an anonymous person on a national lifeline may be their best option.

Allow me to offer some feedback on the national suicide hotlines. I have worked on them.  Many of you distrust them, so I am going to tell you how they work.  You may believe me or not; your choice.  Again, I am not seeking to start a conflict - just offering enlightenment and it is your choice what you do with it. 

If you call 988 or any other lifeline you will be asked a few screening questions which have one purpose: to route you to the closest suicide hotline in your area.  If you are in the Nashville area and call 988, your call will go to Family and Children's Service who has the contract to operate the suicide hotline in Middle Tennessee. A few screening questions will be asked, but whether they are answered or not, the trained telephone responder has only one goal: to persuade the caller to accept help.

What the hotlines DO NOT DO:  they do not trace calls.  They have no way to find out who the caller is.  They have no means to call emergency services UNLESS the caller offers their address.  There is no attempt to take firearms away. No databases of names are kept and turned over to LEOs or anyone else.  In the moment a call comes from a suicidal person, the only agenda is to talk to them long enough that they give their address for EMTs to come to them or hopefully calm the person to the extent when they hang up on you, hopefully, they will not take their life.  The cops are called ONLY if the caller gives their address.

These call centers do not have the funds for equipment to trace calls. Doesn't matter if you use your own cellphone, a burner phone, or (for anyone who still has one!) a wired phone - there is not money in these agencies to acquire such technology, even if it exists. Call center workers have some background in mental health and are trained to talk with someone long enough that they will give their address and allow emergency services to respond.

IF THE CALLER DOES NOT OFFER THEIR ADDRESS THERE IS NO WAY TO DIRECT ANYONE TO HELP THEM.  THERE IS NO "SECRET SYSTEM" TO FIND OUT WHO THEY ARE OR WHERE THEY LIVE.

So I have worked in such a call center.  On a very cold night in January a gentleman called me and talked about taking his life. He wouldn't give me his address and then - as now - I had no way to trace it.  The only thing I had was my training as a mental health therapist to get him to talk; if I could get him to talk as long as possible the hope is that his emotion would lessen, match his logic, give me his address and I could get 911 to him so he could get to an ED.

We talked for four hours.  At the end, I heard a huge "BANG" and the line went dead.  As did the caller.  I still have dreams about what else I could have said . . .  I never knew who he was or where he lived.  We had no way to trace the call.

Guys, this isn't about "red flag" laws, tracing phone calls, or "the government."  Hotlines try to keep people alive.  And when they do not, the hotline worker gets counseling because of the massive guilt and disappointment they feel.  Because when the caller kills themselves, the hotline worker feels like a failure.  I know . . .

None of you know me and none of you have any reason to believe me, but if the only thing you can get a friend to do is to call a national/state lifeline . . . get them to call. 

I have offered my perspective and am not going to argue/justify my words. Accept or reject these statements as you wish.  And may life be good to you all.

Thank you for trying to dispel some of the myths.   In a time of real crisis, you probably shouldn’t let politics override your mental health but it’s still great to push the truth.  
 

 

Side note, anyone know how to make all of the text appear as plain text?   I found this post incredibly difficult to read but don’t want him to have to change it just because my eyes don’t work right. 

[gregintenn]

1 hour ago, Capbyrd said:

Thank you for trying to dispel some of the myths.   In a time of real crisis, you probably shouldn’t let politics override your mental health but it’s still great to push the truth.  
 

 

Side note, anyone know how to make all of the text appear as plain text?   I found this post incredibly difficult to read but don’t want him to have to change it just because my eyes don’t work right. 

I’ve pretty much stopped reading his posts. Nothing personal, I just find it tough to read in that font as well. Wife says I need glasses. As usual, she’s probably right.

Edited April 20, 2023 by gregintenn

[Luckyforward]

12 minutes ago, gregintenn said:

I’ve pretty much stopped reading his posts. Nothing personal, I just find it tough to read in that font as well. Wife says I need glasses. As usual, she’s probably right.

So the fault is mine.  I started using the Comic Sans font bolded because of my sight problems!  LOL  This is the default font that I have trouble seeing it so in trying another I made it equally difficult!

I have changed the font back to the default

 

Edited April 20, 2023 by Luckyforward
Added information

[Luckyforward]

[Guest]

On 4/18/2023 at 12:57 PM, Luckyforward said:

I am sincerely very sorry for your loss.  I am a licensed psychotherapist in Tennessee and echo your thoughts.  We can all check on our friends and there are resources out there to remind folks that they can reach out.  If they won't talk with family or friends, encourage friends to reach out to a lifeline.

You know, I was just wondering if there was even such a thing as a semi-conservative psychotherapist in existence anywhere. (not that I'm making assumptions...)

[Garufa]

30 minutes ago, OMCHamlin said:

You know, I was just wondering if there was even such a thing as a semi-conservative psychotherapist in existence anywhere. (not that I'm making assumptions...)

Mental distress and illness is not a political matter.  It affects people regardless of ideology.

I would hope that those professionals who have to deal with it on a daily basis are not subject to inane beliefs or subscribe to the leanings of the day.