In Memory of….

[JD_Shellnut]

Today is the anniversary of the day when I lost my Dad. It’s a significant day to me, for obvious reasons, and some not so obvious. So the thought dawned on me to come here, amongst my fellow Tennesseans, whom I consider family - and that’s whether you’re black, red, yellow, white, young, old, man, woman, child, born here, born elsewhere, democrat, republican, liberal, conservative, atheist, Christian (yes, I always give God at least the respect of capitalization), or somewhere in between….the fact is this is a site for residents of our beloved State of Tennessee to gather. You truly are my brethren (and sis..tren?); my FAMILY.

So, perhaps something else that we share in common, bittersweet as it may be, is the fact that we all have lost someone that we love. In the extremely rare case that you’re still young enough not to have, well, just keep on living for a while, and, unfortunately, so will you. I came here, to TGO today, for the express purpose of starting this topic, and I hope that it remains as long as we all do. I want this to be a place for us to come on significant dates in our lives, and remember those precious souls that, in the timeline of world history, yes, is only a vapor, however in our timeline, the impact left on our own person is everything.

My fellow Tennesseans, will you honor me with your contributions as the years go by? Will you come to this particular place in the ethereal realm of cyberspace, and let us share in your memories? Will you allow me to grieve with you, laugh with you, share with you? To those who are uncomfortable with this, I say “God Bless You”; not everyone feels the same need to share as others may. There’s absolutely nada, zero, naught, zed, nothing at all wrong with that. No sir. To those of you who are okay with it, just know that (so long as I’m not breaking any type of rules and this thread is allowed to go forward) their memory will live on and on - so long as this record, among others, is here for us to remember them by.

I was thinking that I would post something on the anniversary date of my loved one’s passing…such as today, for me. While this is the approach that I choose to take, by no means should this be the only way to proceed, in fact, I’d like to make it clear that there are no rules when it comes to how one chooses to remember their loved ones…..ok?

To the Moderators: forgive me if this is already established here elsewhere, and if so, please delete what I’ve tried to do here, and please just PM me with the instructions as to where I should go. I assure you I meant no malice with this posting, but rather, the opposite.

 

 

[JD_Shellnut]

August 3, 1950 - May 10, 1999. Terry Wayne Morris

   My Dad passed away on this date, my goodness, 23 years ago. He was only 48 years old. It was in my two arms that he left behind his broken body, and was immediately in the Presence of God. This is my belief. My eyes were full of tears, my heart was full of sorrow, but in my soul…rejoicing! Despite the fact that he was truly my first loved one to go, the significance of the moment was not lost on me. I bent down and whispered into his now deaf ear, “You lucky dawg, you!” 
   You see, I had just watched my Dad suffer terribly over the last three months; he had Pancreatic cancer. It was a terrible ordeal for him, and Dad was never one for suffering, haha. He loathed pain, in any form! He wouldn’t go to the dentist for fear of needles. Same with doctors. I always gave him a ribbing over it, having had so many broken bones as well as multiple surgeries before the age of 20, I was quite well versed with pain, doctors, and needles. I say all this to make a point about my Daddy: he suffered terribly from this dreaded disease! Literally vomiting up his internals, several times per hour…many times so dang weak that all he could do was squeeze my hand, which immediately told me that I needed to pull him up (he was far too weak to do this on his own), and bring the bucket up to his face, holding him by the back of his head so he could vomit again. The man who had always represented strength and life to me was losing his battle. His eyes told me he was tired, so tired of this suffering, but he never complained; not even once! Y’all can’t know what, coming from him, this meant to me!

Y’all, forgive me for being so graphic with the description. I promise, though, I didn’t even touch on the worst parts of it. To anyone who may have the same malady today, I want to say that there’s been an exponential improvement in the way this is treated now; never lose hope! I mentioned before that Dad never went to the doctor, and this didn’t help his case at all so far as “catching it early” goes. He knew something was the matter, but chose not to look into the issue until the morning he woke up, went to the bathroom, and noticed that his pasty white complexion was now the color of a glass of Mellow Yellow! Yep, that got him concerned…that got us all concerned! I was sitting in the room with him when his doctor came in there and delivered the terrible news; it’s terminal. Talk about getting kicked in the gut…and that’s just how I felt!
   I wasn’t close to my dad; never was. I was more of a “Momma’s Boy” (not a fun thing to tell the rest of Tennessee!) growing up, and had a very special affinity for my Grandfather. My Dad used to get so angry with me, saying, “you dig a ditch for your grandfather but won’t even plant a flower for your own father!”, what can I say? He had me pegged. I’m sure he’s had many a laugh from Heaven at my expense; my son is the exact same way with me. I’m saying this for the benefit of anyone reading this that might think it’s too late for them to have a relationship with their loved one….listen to me if this is you - it is never too late to begin!

When I came home from taking my dad to the doctor and receiving that terrible news, I had a decision to make. I could choose to continue my life as it was, or I could face the situation and become a man. That fateful day was the day that I became a man. I went to my dad and I asked his forgiveness for the many terrible things I had put him through. I thanked him for his good example that he gave me and for always working hard to provide for his family. Then I asked if he would let me take care of him….if he would let me at least try to be there for him as he was for me. He told me that it need’nt work that way…that it wasn’t my responsibility to care for him the way he cared for me - that as his child I was his responsibility. I saw his point and appreciated what he was saying, but I wanted to be there for him to make up for the absolute lack of appreciation I showed to him in the past. It was three months from the day of that doctor visit until he passed away in his own home, in my own arms. I would not trade anything for that time I had with my Dad, although there are parts of it that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, either!

Phew! Thank you, my fellow Tennesseans, for allowing me to unload some of that, and for listening. I still miss my Dad, but the pain is long in the past. I know I’ll see him again in Heaven. I’ve lost many, many loved ones since losing Dad, but no experience in my life, to this point, has even come close to the richness of that which I experienced in those 3 months with my Dad. It’s because of him that, to this very day, I have chosen to NEVER let the sun set on a grudge, to never go to bed angry, and to always, no matter what my pride tells me to do to the opposite, to always forgive when I am wronged, whether it’s asked of me or not.

‘Today, my fellow Tennesseans, I am remembering my Dad, Terry Wayne Morris, may you Rest In Peace, and I’ll see you soon.

 

thanks y’all
 

[Snaveba]

Rest In Peace Terry Wayne Morris. 

[DJTC45]

Good topic, I'm sorry for your loss. It's tough, I know that for a fact my mother died in my arms due to cancer she was 58. My father never got over that they were married for 42yrs. My father passed away at 65 of a massive heart attack, I wasn't there but when he had that one and the people who were around him said he got up from the table walked out side stared upwards toward the sky, came back in sat down and took a drink of his scotch, looked over at the lady he was dating and said to call my sister cause he wasn't going to make it back from this one, collapsed and died right there. My phone rang at 4am I jumped up and told my wife to grab that cause that was my sister calling and I new that he had passed cause I had a dream that I can still remember to this day, it was my mother and him and a couple of other relatives that passed away, they were all gathered around my mom and dad then the phone rang and I knew. Now I'm fighting a battle, since the end of 2020. I went for some stints and ended up staying in the hospital and had to have open heart surgery, 5 bypasses, came out of that like a new man but before they did the operation my heart Dr came in and said he wanted to run a couple of tests. He said I was really low on my blood count, he said they could give me three pints and I wouldn't be back to normal. Did a scope of my throat and stomach cause he thought that maybe I had a bleeding alser, but that wasn't it, next day I had a full body pet scan and colonoscopy. Well it turned out that besides the heart surgery that I was scheduled for on Sunday I had a tumor in my colon and three spots on my liver they did the biopsy on both and turned out it was postive for cancer. The Oncologist came in the next day and my surgical team was there explaining to me and my wife about my heart surgery. He came in and asked if he could talk to us and my heart Dr. He went on to explain that I had cancer of the colon and liver stage 4(go big or go home) well the heart surgery went great I felt better than I ever had. Then on January 7th( my birthday 55yrs old) we met with my Oncologist and started my Chemotherapy Treatments that I've been going every two weeks for the last year and five months what a schedule. I asked him to be straight forward and tell me my chances, well they gave me a 5yr window to hopefully get it under control. So far it's been working but I asked him last month were we stand, and he said we would keep this schedule until it quits working and he said it would eventually stop and we would have to start on another path. So I thought about all that and went and made my arrangements so my wife wouldn't have to face that. So hopefully I won't need their service till I'm 80, but I made my peace with god a long time ago when I was around 40. Well it's in his hands and my Dr's for now and I've accepted it, and try to live every day like it's my last, so everyone who reads these two posts, please try to do something good every day even if it's just holding open a door for someone, or letting them in front of you in line, to helping out anyone who needs help. God bless.

Edited May 10, 2022 by DJTC45

[Quavodus]

Sorry for both of your losses. The 19th of this month will be the anniversary of my fathers death. 53 years ago. Bless you both.

[JD_Shellnut]

 

8 minutes ago, DJTC45 said:

Good topic, I'm sorry for your loss. It's tough, I know that for a fact…

Partner, thank you for sharing that. So powerful and so moving. Just..amazing. Thank you! I’ll be saying prayers for you, every day. God knows your name, and now I know a little of your story. 

[jpx2rk]

I lost my father in Sept '98, after 3 bypass operations, the first bypass was done Oct. '73 while I was a Senior in HS.  After his 3rd bypass surgery, the doctors told him there was nothing else they could do at the time, but they had extended his life by 25 yrs, so can't complain one bit.  He had a heart attack on the golf course playing a round of golf with his friends.  His group of 2-4 buddies would get their own golf cart because everyone wanted it that way, and it looked like total chaos when they left the tee box, 4 old retired farts running every which way in their carts to their respective golf ball.  They did not pay attention to the "carts on path" rule if the course was wet, they just did what they did.  

I don't know how many times Mom would tell me that she had to take Dad to hospital during the night because of chest pains, and as soon as they saw the "zipper" on his chest, they admitted him for a minimum of 2 days back then.  Mom and Dad were visiting me soon after I had married, and Mom came into our BR around 2am or so, and told me Dad needed to go to the hospital, so I drove them to nearest hospital at about 80mph.  LOL  This happened more than once, 

Mom will be 97 in June, and her health is decent for 97, but she is on the downhill slide unfortunately.  

[JD_Shellnut]

8 minutes ago, jpx2rk said:

I lost my father in Sept '98, after 3 bypass operations….

Man, I thank you for sharing this. He lives on through our memories! Sounds like one helluva character - someone who knew how to have a little fun even! Priceless. Sounds like Mom has lived a full and interesting life as well! I pray that her longevity has been passed to you, my friend. Again, I thank you!

[jpx2rk]

15 hours ago, JD_Shellnut said:

Man, I thank you for sharing this. He lives on through our memories! Sounds like one helluva character - someone who knew how to have a little fun even! Priceless. Sounds like Mom has lived a full and interesting life as well! I pray that her longevity has been passed to you, my friend. Again, I thank you!

Yeah, Dad was a character in many ways, but a well respected man in his industry.  He worked long hours to be successful, and was, but those long hours in a stressful job is part of what caused his health problems.  I was following in his footsteps in my professional career as well, saw what the "job" did and changed my career path some.  The work environment also played a part.  

Mom was very fortunate to be able to do the things she wanted to do, travel, church work, etc. with her friends and such after Dad passed away.  Unfortunately, she has outlived all of her friends, so she does not have anyone to "hang out with" now, except for my older brother and myself.   Neighbors check in on her daily as I live 3 hrs away, and brother lives 20 minutes away.  I visit as much as possible.  

[JD_Shellnut]

7 hours ago, jpx2rk said:

He worked long hours to be successful, and was, but those long hours in a stressful job is part of what caused his health problems. 

My friend, this is something else that you and I share in common. Dad chose to be buried in his work uniform! I guess it was something he and Mom had discussed, and I remember being caught off guard by it when I first saw him there, but then it was like “of course he wanted to be buried in his work clothes!” Haha….it was all any of us ever saw him wear anyways, except on Sundays. 
What a comfort it must be, knowing that your sweet Mother has such good neighbors, that they check in on her every day! It put a real smile on my face, friend, just knowing that you have this peace of mind. I appreciate you sharing your memories of this great man with us all here! I sure wish I could’ve known him while he was here with us for a while. I’ll certainly look him up on the flipside! You remain in my thoughts and prayers.

[Moped]

Dealing with my 80 year old mother, now. She has pancreatic cancer and it is terminal. She is taking chemo to extend her life and she is now also dealing with congestive heart failure. I don’t think it will be much longer.

[Snaveba]

Prayers to you and your mother Moped. 

[JD_Shellnut]

13 hours ago, Moped said:

……my 80 year old mother….

Hey there my friend. That’s tough news brother, tough news. I’m going to add your sweet mother, and you also, to my prayers each morning and night. I’m going to pray for her comfort, for her peace, and also for her caretakers. For you, Moped, I’m going to ask the Lord to comfort you, to strengthen you, to give you assurance, and also that He might Bless you during this very difficult time. I know exactly just how difficult of a situation that you’re facing, and I just want to encourage you and, perhaps, inform you as well. My information is just this: you have a friend who’ll listen if you ever want or need to talk about it….any of it. On a supernatural level, you have God….and on a much, much lower plane of existence, there’s me!. I’m no social worker and have no special skills, but I’m willing to lend an ear if you should ever need one. I love to talk guns and that’s what brought me here, but I’ll talk about the difficult things as well…with anyone, actually. In the meantime, though, I’ll be praying. I keep an old notebook beside me because otherwise I’m afraid I’ll forget, but when I tell someone I’m gonna pray, I make sure that I do…it’s one thing I try to get right. Thanks for sharing with me.

[Moped]

On 5/11/2022 at 9:34 PM, Snaveba said:

Prayers to you and your mother Moped. 

Thank you! 

21 hours ago, JD_Shellnut said:

Hey there my friend. That’s tough news brother, tough news. I’m going to add your sweet mother, and you also, to my prayers each morning and night. I’m going to pray for her comfort, for her peace, and also for her caretakers. For you, Moped, I’m going to ask the Lord to comfort you, to strengthen you, to give you assurance, and also that He might Bless you during this very difficult time. I know exactly just how difficult of a situation that you’re facing, and I just want to encourage you and, perhaps, inform you as well. My information is just this: you have a friend who’ll listen if you ever want or need to talk about it….any of it. On a supernatural level, you have God….and on a much, much lower plane of existence, there’s me!. I’m no social worker and have no special skills, but I’m willing to lend an ear if you should ever need one. I love to talk guns and that’s what brought me here, but I’ll talk about the difficult things as well…with anyone, actually. In the meantime, though, I’ll be praying. I keep an old notebook beside me because otherwise I’m afraid I’ll forget, but when I tell someone I’m gonna pray, I make sure that I do…it’s one thing I try to get right. Thanks for sharing with me.

Thank you!

[Specializedjon]

JD....this is awesome brother.  As soon as my eyes stop leaking and I can see my screen again I'll share my story.  Summary, lost my biological father when I was 16 to suicide (tough age to go through that) and my step-Dad (the man who raised me and whom I give credit to for the man I am today....good and bad) died of a major heart attach while I was in Basic Training.  

Like I said, as soon as my eyes dry up a bit from reading y'all's stories, I'll elaborate on mine.

God bless you guys.  This is really cool.

[JD_Shellnut]

On 5/13/2022 at 12:30 PM, Specializedjon said:

God bless you guys.  This is really cool.

Thanks for saying so, my friend. Those very few lines of text that you shared with us were extremely powerful and moving. I would very much like to hear ‘the rest of the story’, if you’re willing to share it. It is stories such as yours that move me the most as I have always been amazed and impressed to hear about how others have found a way to overcome such adversity and continue to simply press on! So many people have found a way, and that should be an encouragement to us all! Please, my friend, if you’re up to sharing your story, please do….as little or as much as you’d like. I would especially like to hear more about your Step Father because it sounds like he really stepped it up for you. After my Dad passed, my Mom remarried about a year later. At first I must admit that I was not very happy about this…I suppose I wanted my Mom to mourn his passing for the rest of her life and simply be miserable! Thankfully, and very much like your own situation, the Lord saw fit to place a wonderful man into our lives and today I love him every bit as much as I love my own Dad….truth is I’ve now had my StepDad longer than I had my biological father! You really just never know how things are going to shake out, do ya? 

[Daniel]

We could fill a few posts just from people here on TGO.  Marswolf strikes me as the first we lost.