Something must be done!

[Guest rlrm777]

While travelling recently I had the pleasure of eating at the Cracker Barrell off I-40.

While there, I noticed that almost everyone was at least 20-50 lbs overweight. Upon checking other restaurants, I noted the same pattern.

They all had one thing in common.........each was eating with a fork! Obviously these forks must be the problem, and must be eliminated before these poor people continue to gain unwanted lbs. (Many of them were doing this with children at the same table!)

We should take steps to immediately license fork owners & register all these suspect forks.

I submit that a new style of fork be mandated, one with 2 tines instead of 4, with a large space at least 3/4" so that less food with each bite will be consumed.

A special commission will study the effect of this statue on the poor, especially women & minorities who will undoubtedly be hit hardest.

A special 2% "user fee" will be proposed to help provide needed financial assistance to those less fortunate to purchase these new life-saving eating utensils.

A special 'Fork Amnesty Day' will be announced, and each illegal fork turned in may be traded for a stalk of celery.

[Guest Astra900]

That's pretty forking funny.

[Guest nraforlife]

Would cut down on Diabetes type 2 complications

Edited March 14, 2009 by nraforlife

[Guest SUNTZU]

How many pocket T's did you see there? Pocket T's for life, yo.

[TripleDigitRide]

How many pocket T's did you see there? Pocket T's for life, yo.

Fo Rizzle!

[NuTcAsE]

While travelling recently I had the pleasure of eating at the Cracker Barrell off I-40.

While there, I noticed that almost everyone was at least 20-50 lbs overweight. Upon checking other restaurants, I noted the same pattern.

They all had one thing in common.........each was eating with a fork! Obviously these forks must be the problem, and must be eliminated before these poor people continue to gain unwanted lbs. (Many of them were doing this with children at the same table!)

We should take steps to immediately license fork owners & register all these suspect forks.

I submit that a new style of fork be mandated, one with 2 tines instead of 4, with a large space at least 3/4" so that less food with each bite will be consumed.

A special commission will study the effect of this statue on the poor, especially women & minorities who will undoubtedly be hit hardest.

A special 2% "user fee" will be proposed to help provide needed financial assistance to those less fortunate to purchase these new life-saving eating utensils.

A special 'Fork Amnesty Day' will be announced, and each illegal fork turned in may be traded for a stalk of celery.

What?!? No "Gastral Assault Utensil Ban"???

I'd better go ahead and stock up on Multi-Tine Hi-Cap Forks before the ban comes. And the plastic Glock forks too, you can conceal those and make it past restaurant security. I just hope I don't poke my ass off with one.

. . . . <-- Evidence of Glock Fork Butt.....

Edited March 14, 2009 by NuTcAsE

[Guest rlrm777]

It's been brought to my attention that 10's of thousands of these forks have found their way south of the border. An All-you-can-eat cantina was discovered hiding a large cache of large 4-tined forks. Most could be traced directly to outlets on the Southwest US.

Pres Calderon was dismayed at the discovery.

"I thought we had a handle on this problem. But what can you do when a gang can slip across the border to the north and grab a handful of these things from Dennys?"

Obviously these high-capacity assault forks are being smuggled into Mexico at an alarming rate. This must be tracked and stopped! These culinary weapons of death are being re-smuggled back here and sold on the black market to unsuspecting diners.

Many are stolen from the silverware collections of wealthy citizens, or were purchased from US kitchen supply outlets using a 3rd party buyer ( also called a 'straw man' purchase).

In a recent raid by the Surgeon Generals office in cooperation with the ATF ( Alcohol, Tobacco and Forks) troops uncovered several dimly-lit rooms where rebels were observed stuffing large chunks of Pork Chops and fried chicken into their mouths, some using extra large serving forks.

With food falling from his mouth, one detainee was heard to scream, "When forks are outlawed, only outlaws will have forks! How long before they come for our spoons?"

Officials opined that talk of such a 'Spoon Ban' was riduculous, although there have been calls in Congress for sensible utensil laws including the possiblity of replacing conventional 'high capacity spoons' with the more reasonable slotted spoon.

Officers with the Surgeon Generals' Office were clearly taken aback during the raid. One clerk, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said, "It was horrible in there. If we hadn't stopped them, who knows how much could have been consumed. Some of these forks are capable of up to 30 large mouthfuls a minute. Nobody really needs a fork like that!"

President Obama was overheard telling a small gathering of supporters that incidents like these point out the need for change and a new way of thinking. "For too long now those who are less fortunate have been victimized by the wealthy, who are rumored to be the manufacturers and distributors of these culinary weapons of mass destruction. The days of Americans having as many large capacity forks as they want, and devouring ever larger mouthfuls and expecting the rest of the world to just say 'OK, no big deal' are over. We will find a way to meet this new challange with fairness and culinary justice. We will be a role model for the world."

[Guest VolMickey]

I knew it wasn't the Little Debbie Swiss Rolls!!!