Happy Birthday Chuck Norris

[herr.baer]

Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) 69 years old

1. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

2. There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

3. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

4. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

5. Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

6. Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

7. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

8. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

9. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas

[Guest pjblurton]

Try this...

Open http://www.google.com

Type "find chuck norris" and click the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button

Do not use guotes or the auto-fill option.

Cracks me up every time.

[herr.baer]

http://www.tngunowners.com/forums/showthread.php?t=16133&highlight=chuck+norris

[Guest pjblurton]

http://www.tngunowners.com/forums/showthread.php?t=16133&highlight=chuck+norris

Foiled again...

[Cajun]

The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's ****ing beef.

[Guest billwilly73]

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.