OH CRAP!

[hipower]

1 hour ago, Garufa said:

True that, but this being the most well fed nation on the planet, some folks might be better off missing a meal or two.

I so much want to argue that point...but unfortunately I R one of them.

[Raoul]

Worry about lack of running water before you worry about toilet paper.

[Chucktshoes]

1 hour ago, Garufa said:

True that, but this being the most well fed nation on the planet, some folks might be better off missing a meal or two.

Suddenly I’m feeling very personally attacked here. 
 

[Raoul]

10 minutes ago, Chucktshoes said:

Suddenly I’m feeling very personally attacked here. 
 

If the foo shirts.....

[Chucktshoes]

4 minutes ago, Raoul said:

If the foo shirts.....

Not like it used too. Seems to have shrunk in the wash or something. 

[AuEagle]

[tercel89]

On 12/4/2020 at 10:19 AM, E4 No More said:

This is why I installed bidets in all of our toilets.  

How well do they work when you got a bad case of "mudd butt" ? 

[Chucktshoes]

34 minutes ago, tercel89 said:

How well do they work when you got a bad case of "mudd butt" ? 

Better than toilet paper. They also don’t rub your ass raw.

There’s your legit answer to a humorous question.

[JunkiCosmonaut]

Modern problems require modern solutions 

[Capbyrd]

As someone that was shown the way of the bidet earlier this year and immediately made the switch, I've been preaching the gospel of the clean booty ever since.  

[E4 No More]

15 hours ago, tercel89 said:

How well do they work when you got a bad case of "mudd butt" ? 

What Chuckshoes said.

[tercel89]

14 hours ago, Chucktshoes said:

Better than toilet paper. They also don’t rub your ass raw.

There’s your legit answer to a humorous question.

I couldn't resist asking that ! My wife thinks I waist toilet paper  but we all know that one time when you have to wipe and wipe and wipe LOL . 

Edited December 8, 2020 by tercel89

[tercel89]

1 hour ago, Capbyrd said:

As someone that was shown the way of the bidet earlier this year and immediately made the switch, I've been preaching the gospel of the clean booty ever since.  

Yes ! Do proper "paperwork" and you'll never have to do "follow up" paperwork again. In my line of work , it is funny !!! 

[E4 No More]

2 minutes ago, tercel89 said:

I couldn't resist asking that ! My wife thinks I waist toilet paper  but we all know that one time when you have to wipe and wipe and wipe LOL . 

Cool water on hemorrhoids feels a lot better than dragging toilet paper across them.  

[tercel89]

13 hours ago, JunkiCosmonaut said:

Modern problems require modern solutions 

you got me and my daughter laughing like crazy ! 

[Capbyrd]

I'm going to give my testimony.  

I've always been a little bi(det)-curious.   But as a confident heterosexual male, I was skeptical about anything nearing my no-no hole.  The stink star just isn't something that I want penetrated and having high pressure water aimed that direction seemed a good way to get violated.    And it's not like there are an abundance of bumguns out in the world for the general public to inspect or even try.   So I stayed in the dark, unaware of the clean feeling that my chocolate faucet was missing out on.  

Earlier this year my elderly mother had a UTI that traveled up into her kidneys and nearly killed her by means of sepsis.  After she was discharged from the hospital she was given a followup appointment at a local urologist.  I took a long lunch and picked her up from the house and delivered her to her appointment.  Because of Covid, I stayed in the car.   After a while, it became apparent that she was still in her appointment and unable to answer the phone (they were doing a biopsy of something) and I was about fill my pants with some form of poop demon.  I could no longer afford to wait on her and hope that we made it back to the house.  This was happening where I was whether it was in the car or hopefully I could make it into the doc's office.  

After waiting on the counter staff in the office for what seemed an eternity, I made it into the bathroom just in time to get hovered before all hell broke loose.   After exorcizing my demons, I noted that my butt cheeks had gotten rather warm.  After reading some of the wall plaques and doing a quick google, I discovered that I was sitting on a $1500 bidet seat.   It was full featured with all of the bells and whistles.   It was a heated seat.  It has adjustable power front and rear washes with adjustable temperature control.  It even has a blow dryer built in for the grand finale.   Well, it's not every day that you sit down on a 1500 dollar toilet seat so who am I to pass up the opportunity to live like the wealthy?   I was blown away.   I grabbed a piece of peasant paper and took a single pass at my sin socket and found it to be not only completely clean but completely dry.  I stood up with a balloon knot that had been cleaned and dried in luxury in a way that nothing short of an after poo shower can provide.  I buckled up my belt and left that bathroom with my head held high.   I immediately started googling bidets.   But knowing that I can't afford a 1500 dollar toilet seat, I looked to more economical units.  Within a week, I had my own installed at the house for under 70 bucks.   While it doesn't have the heated seat or the blow dryer, it's been quite the workhorse for me.   I've spent every moment since trying to ensure that I only poo at home, although installing a bidet at work is on the horizon.   I preach the gospel of the shiny hiney whenever and wherever I can.  Do yourselves a favor gentlemen, install a bidet! 

Edited December 8, 2020 by Capbyrd

[memphismason]

7 minutes ago, Capbyrd said:

I'm going to give my testimony.  

I've always been a little bi(det)-curious.   But as a confident heterosexual male, I was skeptical about anything nearing my no-no hole.  The stink star just isn't something that I want penetrated and having high pressure water aimed that direction seemed a good way to get violated.    And it's not like there are an abundance of bumguns out in the world for the general public to inspect or even try.   So I stayed in the dark, unaware of clean feeling that my chocolate faucet was missing out on.  

Earlier this year my elderly mother had a UTI that traveled up into her kidneys and nearly killed her by means of sepsis.  After she was discharged from the hospital she was given a followup appointment at a local urologist.  I took a long lunch and picked her up from the house and delivered her to her appointment.  Because of Covid, I stayed in the car.   After a while, it became apparent that she was still in her appointment and unable to answer the phone (they were doing a biopsy of something) and I was about fill my pants with some form of poop demon.  I could no longer afford to wait on her and hope that we made it back to the house.  This was happening where I was whether it was in the car or hopefully I could make it into the doc's office.  

After waiting on the counter staff in the office for what seemed an eternity, I made it into the bathroom just in time to get hovered before all hell broke loose.   After exerciser exorcizing my demons, I noted that my butt cheeks had gotten rather warm.  After reading some of the wall plaques and doing a quick google, I discovered that I was sitting on a $1500 bidet seat.   It was full featured with all of the bells and whistles.   It was a heated seat.  It has adjustable power front and rear washes with adjustable temperature control.  It even has a blow dryer built in for the grand finale.   Well, it's not every day that you sit down on a 1500 dollar toilet seat so who am I to pass up the opportunity to live like the wealthy?   I was blown away.   I grabbed a piece of peasant paper and took a single pass at my sin socket and found it to be not only completely clean but completely dry.  I stood up with a balloon knot that had been cleaned and dried in luxury in a way that nothing short of an after poo shower can provide.  I buckled up my belt and left that bathroom with my head held high.   I immediately started googling bidets.   But knowing that I can't afford a 1500 dollar toilet seat, I looked to more economical units.  Within a week, I had my own installed at the house for under 70 bucks.   While it doesn't have the heated seat or the blow dryer, it's been quite the workhorse for me.   I've spent every moment since trying to ensure that I only poo at home, although installing a bidet at work is on the horizon.   I preach the gospel of the shiny hiney whenever and wherever I can.  Do yourselves a favor gentlemen, install a bidet! 

He converted me. Made me into a disciple.

[E4 No More]

23 minutes ago, Capbyrd said:

I'm going to give my testimony.  

I've always been a little bi(det)-curious.   But as a confident heterosexual male, I was skeptical about anything nearing my no-no hole.  The stink star just isn't something that I want penetrated and having high pressure water aimed that direction seemed a good way to get violated.    And it's not like there are an abundance of bumguns out in the world for the general public to inspect or even try.   So I stayed in the dark, unaware of clean feeling that my chocolate faucet was missing out on.  

Earlier this year my elderly mother had a UTI that traveled up into her kidneys and nearly killed her by means of sepsis.  After she was discharged from the hospital she was given a followup appointment at a local urologist.  I took a long lunch and picked her up from the house and delivered her to her appointment.  Because of Covid, I stayed in the car.   After a while, it became apparent that she was still in her appointment and unable to answer the phone (they were doing a biopsy of something) and I was about fill my pants with some form of poop demon.  I could no longer afford to wait on her and hope that we made it back to the house.  This was happening where I was whether it was in the car or hopefully I could make it into the doc's office.  

After waiting on the counter staff in the office for what seemed an eternity, I made it into the bathroom just in time to get hovered before all hell broke loose.   After exerciser exorcizing my demons, I noted that my butt cheeks had gotten rather warm.  After reading some of the wall plaques and doing a quick google, I discovered that I was sitting on a $1500 bidet seat.   It was full featured with all of the bells and whistles.   It was a heated seat.  It has adjustable power front and rear washes with adjustable temperature control.  It even has a blow dryer built in for the grand finale.   Well, it's not every day that you sit down on a 1500 dollar toilet seat so who am I to pass up the opportunity to live like the wealthy?   I was blown away.   I grabbed a piece of peasant paper and took a single pass at my sin socket and found it to be not only completely clean but completely dry.  I stood up with a balloon knot that had been cleaned and dried in luxury in a way that nothing short of an after poo shower can provide.  I buckled up my belt and left that bathroom with my head held high.   I immediately started googling bidets.   But knowing that I can't afford a 1500 dollar toilet seat, I looked to more economical units.  Within a week, I had my own installed at the house for under 70 bucks.   While it doesn't have the heated seat or the blow dryer, it's been quite the workhorse for me.   I've spent every moment since trying to ensure that I only poo at home, although installing a bidet at work is on the horizon.   I preach the gospel of the shiny hiney whenever and wherever I can.  Do yourselves a favor gentlemen, install a bidet! 

And I'm sure that the people around you appreciate the lack of a raunchy rump! 

[Chucktshoes]

I’ve been preaching the gospel of the bidet at those two for quite a while. 

[E4 No More]

@Capbyrd Another advantage of the bidet is when you are constipated. Open up the Hershey Highway and squirt a little cool water up there and it'll help ya go!

[Handsome Rob]

I will never not refer to my mud button as a "sin socket" now. 

[Handsome Rob]

https://imgur.com/a/LWgWtPx

[Erik88]

8 minutes ago, Handsome Rob said:

I will never not refer to my mud button as a "sin socket" now. 

My favorite was actually the stink star...

[hipower]

4 hours ago, Capbyrd said:

I'm going to give my testimony.  

I've always been a little bi(det)-curious.   But as a confident heterosexual male, I was skeptical about anything nearing my no-no hole.  The stink star just isn't something that I want penetrated and having high pressure water aimed that direction seemed a good way to get violated.    And it's not like there are an abundance of bumguns out in the world for the general public to inspect or even try.   So I stayed in the dark, unaware of the clean feeling that my chocolate faucet was missing out on.  

Earlier this year my elderly mother had a UTI that traveled up into her kidneys and nearly killed her by means of sepsis.  After she was discharged from the hospital she was given a followup appointment at a local urologist.  I took a long lunch and picked her up from the house and delivered her to her appointment.  Because of Covid, I stayed in the car.   After a while, it became apparent that she was still in her appointment and unable to answer the phone (they were doing a biopsy of something) and I was about fill my pants with some form of poop demon.  I could no longer afford to wait on her and hope that we made it back to the house.  This was happening where I was whether it was in the car or hopefully I could make it into the doc's office.  

After waiting on the counter staff in the office for what seemed an eternity, I made it into the bathroom just in time to get hovered before all hell broke loose.   After exorcizing my demons, I noted that my butt cheeks had gotten rather warm.  After reading some of the wall plaques and doing a quick google, I discovered that I was sitting on a $1500 bidet seat.   It was full featured with all of the bells and whistles.   It was a heated seat.  It has adjustable power front and rear washes with adjustable temperature control.  It even has a blow dryer built in for the grand finale.   Well, it's not every day that you sit down on a 1500 dollar toilet seat so who am I to pass up the opportunity to live like the wealthy?   I was blown away.   I grabbed a piece of peasant paper and took a single pass at my sin socket and found it to be not only completely clean but completely dry.  I stood up with a balloon knot that had been cleaned and dried in luxury in a way that nothing short of an after poo shower can provide.  I buckled up my belt and left that bathroom with my head held high.   I immediately started googling bidets.   But knowing that I can't afford a 1500 dollar toilet seat, I looked to more economical units.  Within a week, I had my own installed at the house for under 70 bucks.   While it doesn't have the heated seat or the blow dryer, it's been quite the workhorse for me.   I've spent every moment since trying to ensure that I only poo at home, although installing a bidet at work is on the horizon.   I preach the gospel of the shiny hiney whenever and wherever I can.  Do yourselves a favor gentlemen, install a bidet! 

This is almost as good as those Gummi Bear Stories a few years ago! 

[hipower]

2 hours ago, E4 No More said:

@Capbyrd Another advantage of the bidet is when you are constipated. Open up the Hershey Highway and squirt a little cool water up there and it'll help ya go!

Ok...now that's an angle I would have to peruse!