friday humour, jump in to add yours

[greener]

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl." 

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" 
"Yes, Father, it is." 
"And who was the girl you were with?" 
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." 
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" 
"I cannot say." 
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?" 
"I'll never tell." 
"Was it Nina Capelli?" 
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her." 
"Was it Cathy Piriano?" 
"My lips are sealed." 
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?" 
"Please, Father! I cannot tell you." 
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself." 
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" 
"Four months vacation and five good leads..."
 

[7thinning]

Teenage kid wakes up and has to start his chores (ok maybe no longer realistic). 

Walks to the barn and kicks a chicken out of the way, throws the slop bucket outside of the hog pen, and then slaps the cow before he starts milking. 

He comes back inside and his Mom looks at him and is disappointed.  Says I saw what you did and that's not appropriate.  Since you kicked the chicken no eggs for a month, since you didn't feed the pig no bacon or ham for a month, and since you slapped the cow no milk for a month.  Kid is shocked.

About that time his Dad comes downstairs and almost trips over the cat at the bottom of stairs, as he's fussing he swings his jacket at the cat.  Kid looks at his Mom and says "you want to tell him or you want me to"