Just in case you need a good laugh!

[Guest db99wj]

Just in case you need a laugh:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews, albeit they may lack a formal higher education, has ever lacked a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

*

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Probably because auto-land is not installed on this aircraft.

*

P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit

*

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

*

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode has a 200 ft. per min. descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

*

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

*

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

*

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

*

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF IS inoperative in OFF mode.

*

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

*

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

*

P: Aircraft acting funny

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

*

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

*

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

*

And the best one for last

*

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

[Guest SUNTZU]

[Angus]

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, had an accident.

Sooooo untrue.......but still damn funny.

[Guest m&pc9]

P: Aircraft acting funny

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

*

If these are true. What would the pilot expect a mechanic to do with "aircraft acting funny"?

But they are very funny.

[BrasilNuts]

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

My favorite:D

[Guest m&pc9]

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

My favorite:D

Do you think he used a rag to remove the evidence, or actually fixed the leak?

[BrasilNuts]

Do you think he used a rag to remove the evidence, or actually fixed the leak?

If he fixed it it wouldn't be funny!

[Angus]

This may just be the UPS kinda form. The actual log-book for the aircraft cant have any of this stuff in it......the FAA has absolutely NO sense of humor.

[Guest m&pc9]

This may just be the UPS kinda form. The actual log-book for the aircraft cant have any of this stuff in it......the FAA has absolutely NO sense of humor.

Does any agency of the gooberment have a since of humor.

[Guest db99wj]

It is too true, I got in an email, and it is on the internet.:mad:

:P

Edited February 5, 2009 by db99wj

[Guest jackdog]

db you just made my day.

[Guest jackdog]

this one is pretty good.

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married...

(If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of humor.)

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.

Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed three times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another nine times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed..... three cuckoo s plus nine cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos--MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT.' He didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!

Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'

When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, 'oh, ****.' Cuckooed four more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

[Guest bkelm18]

We have the UPS thing hanging up in our shop. I get tempted to write similar remarks on my completed work orders but I get the feeling the humor would be lost on the powers that be.

[Guest coldblackwind]

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

sounds like some people I know, lol, very nice!

[Guest db99wj]

db you just made my day.

Oh, that woman's night out, sent to coworkers and wife!!

[Punisher84]

There are alot of "internal" sheets that are around UPS and FedEx and I have seen some stuff like that when I worked at the Memphis FedEx Express hub. I worked as a night-side Ramp Agent for a couple years and it was interesting.

We used to send new people to get the "plane keys". It got to be a big enough joke that A/C Maintenance and a few other places would send them all over the place telling them that "We don't have the keys anymore, but *insert area here* does."

Probably one of the best things I ever heard was my wife's manager called the engine...a battery.