I had a roommate in the Army that had that happen. Something about a flaming bag of poo.
Good thing. I think I speak for everyone when I say we'd be interested in hearing that story, if you're interested in sharing.
Another Army buddy: got in argument with his girlfriend over the phone and in an attempt to angrily stab his desk with his dive tool, put it through his quadriceps, all the way through. Had a full leg cast on for 6 weeks.
More lucky than unlucky I would say. I can't imagine how bad that hurt!
For proximity to the family jewels, it certainly does. The dude definitely deserved the choke hold, if not much more.
To be honest, the fingernail story made me cringe more than either nutshot story.
So many jokes, so little time. Glad your eyesight is ok, though.