In the interests of "fair and balanced reporting" , here's a version from the other side:
WHY GUNS ARE BETTER THAN MEN
They don't hog the remote or leave the toilet seat up.
They won't complain when you ask them to do a job for you.
You don't have to stroke their egos to get the results you want.
When you put them away, they stay put and don't wander.
When their parts wear out, they can easily be replaced.
You can adjust their sights if they start to drift off target.
You can clean them up whenever you want to.
You choose whether they shoot blanks or live rounds.
They don't get soft just when you're starting to enjoy the action
After they have fired all their rounds, they can be reloaded and ready again immediately.
If you get tired of one, you can always sell it and get something bigger and more powerful.